Honesty and dishonesty are learned in the home. Parents are often concerned when their child or adolescent lies.
Lying that is probably not a serious problem:
Young children (ages 4-5) often make up stories and tell tall tales. This is normal activity because they enjoy hearing stories and making up stories for fun. These young children may blur the distinction between reality and fantasy.
An older child or adolescent may tell a lie to be self-serving (e.g. avoid doing something or deny responsibility for their actions). Parents should respond to isolated instances of lying by talking with the youngster about the importance of truthfulness, honesty and trust.
Some adolescents discover that lying may be considered acceptable
in certain situations such as not telling a boyfriend or girlfriend
the real reasons for breaking up because they don't want to hurt
their feelings. Other adolescents may lie to protect their privacy
or to help them feel psychologically separate and independent
from their parents (e.g. denying they sneaked out late at night
Lying that may indicate emotional problems:
Some children, who know the difference between truthfulness and lying, tell elaborate stories which appear believable. Children or adolescents usually relate these stories with enthusiasm because they receive a lot of attention as they tell the lie.
Other children or adolescents, who otherwise seem responsible, fall into a pattern of repetitive lying. They often feel that lying is the easiest way to deal with the demands of parents, teachers and friends. These children are usually not trying to be bad or malicious but the repetitive pattern of lying becomes a bad habit.
There are also some children and adolescents who are not bothered by lying or taking advantage of others. Other adolescents may frequently use lying to cover up another serious problem. For example, an adolescent with a serious drug or alcohol problem will lie repeatedly to hide the truth about where they have been, who they were with, what they were doing, and where the money went.
Parents are the most important role models for their children. When a child or adolescent lies, parents should take some time to have a serious talk and discuss:
If a child or adolescent develops a pattern of lying which is
serious and repetitive, then professional help may be indicated.
Evaluation by a child and adolescent psychiatrist would help the
child and parents understand the lying behavior and would also
provide recommendations for the future.
Daycare.com would like to thank American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry for this information in striving to make daycare and childcare a more productive and efficient service. You can contact them at: 3615 Wisconsin Ave., N.W., Washington, D.C. 20016-3007 voice: 202-966-7300 fax: 202-966-2891.