Fostering

[AfterSchoolMom]

I was reading another thread where someone mentioned that they used to be a foster parent, and that got me thinking...

I've been thinking on and off about fostering, but my main hang up is that I feel I may get too attached, making it super hard to let them go when the time comes to do so. I just wondered if anyone else here fosters, and if they find this to be the case...or if anyone could share any advice for someone who is thinking about it.

[VTMom]

I don't have any experience with fostering but had heard from a former foster parent that you can not be a foster parent and run a daycare. This is in Vermont any way.

Just something to look into...

[AfterSchoolMom]

VT Mom, I've always just done before and after school, and this year (so far at least, but school starts in less than a week) I have no kids.

[VTMom]

Good luck! My husband and I have talked about being foster parents when our kids are older (and I'm no longer doing daycare). These kids need stability and unconditional love so much. My hat's off to you.

[Michelle]

I have always wanted to be a foster parent!
What an impact I can have on these children.
I am going to do it, I just want to wait until my 16 year old daughter graduates and is in college first because I don't want any more attention taken away from her that already is with the daycare.

There is such a need in my area and I actually have had social workers beg me to do it and were willing to let me bypass the training because they have seen the way I help the foster kids (daycare) that I have now. Their foster parents work and I get paid from dpss.
This might be a good start to see what it's like.
Just contact your local children's services and let them know you have openings and you are licensed. They will pass your info onto foster parents that need care while they work. I have had some kids they were o.k. but some that were very disturbed and had to let them go for the safety of the group.
I admire you for wanting to do this but remember, foster care means no breaks, they are with you 24/7 but they do have respite care in my area, so ask if they have that in your area.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom

I was reading another thread where someone mentioned that they used to be a foster parent, and that got me thinking...

I've been thinking on and off about fostering, but my main hang up is that I feel I may get too attached, making it super hard to let them go when the time comes to do so. I just wondered if anyone else here fosters, and if they find this to be the case...or if anyone could share any advice for someone who is thinking about it.

Do you have children of your own?

I ask because my parents were foster parents while I was growing up. I am the oldest of 6 children and from the time I was 18 months old until I was 12, we had various foster children in our home. My parents loved them and treated them as their own. They were in our Christmas card photos and they had all the same birthday parties and etc. I always asked my mom how she could do it (integrate a child into our lives and hearts just to let them go) and she always said, she just told herself from the get go that they weren't hers and she knew they would ultimately be reunited with their parents so even though it was sometimes hard, it was what it was.

With that being said, however, as a child growing up with these kids, I felt horrible when they left and hurt when we never saw them again. I didn't understand why we got to love them and treat them as family just to have them leave. Even when I got older and logically understood it didn't make it any easier. I think as a child it is too much to love and lose like that.....KWIM?

[AfterSchoolMom]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

Do you have children of your own?

I ask because my parents were foster parents while I was growing up. I am the oldest of 6 children and from the time I was 18 months old until I was 12, we had various foster children in our home. My parents loved them and treated them as their own. They were in our Christmas card photos and they had all the same birthday parties and etc. I always asked my mom how she could do it (integrate a child into our lives and hearts just to let them go) and she always said, she just told herself from the get go that they weren't hers and she knew they would ultimately be reunited with their parents so even though it was sometimes hard, it was what it was.

With that being said, however, as a child growing up with these kids, I felt horrible when they left and hurt when we never saw them again. I didn't understand why we got to love them and treat them as family just to have them leave. Even when I got older and logically understood it didn't make it any easier. I think as a child it is too much to love and lose like that.....KWIM?

Yes, I do have my own children - both in elementary school. I didn't think of it that way, Blackcat - that's something to seriously think about and maybe even talk to them about. Thank you for your insight!

We are in the process of becoming liscenced foster parents.

Your state DHS website probably has a lot of info. Then contact your county to attend an orientation. It is a good over view.

There is an online forum that has a "becoming foster parent" section and a "foster parent support" section. Good reads. Lots of helpful info. It is adoption.com.

As part of the home study your own children will be asked by the certifier if they want to become a foster home.

There are a lot of children that need the safety of foster care.
Good luck with your decision.

[Solandia]

I am a foster parent, and have my own kids. Many states do not allow a family to be dual licensed foster & daycare. I can, and have.

My kids are 12yo, 9yo, and 1yo. Our current foster son is 1yo. There are particular challenges to fostering while doing daycare....and you really need to know how your agency or dcfs handles things like appts, transportation to visits, what the foster parents responsibility is towards those. And how much you are willing to be pushed around,because they change those expectations all the time ... And threaten, cajole, intimidate to get what they want out of you.

For example, after we had been licensed for a year...we "had" to signal agreement that we would be willing to transport for visits...up to 4 times per week, that doesn't include dr visits, or therapies....never did sign it, yet we still got an infant to foster. Said we wouldn't get a foster placement. Lol. They said they wouldn't provide transportation for all these ungodly visits an hour or more away from here. Granted we didn't have a foster kiddie for years,,,each call we got I would say sure bring them on over....I don't transport to parent visit, I don't supervise visits, ever. not doing jail visits.

Even without the daycare, I am completely unwilling to donate 9-12 hours of my time each week, on top of evereything else...begging for people to pick up the other kids from practice, miss them coming home from school, missing games, concerts, or whatever.

And it's a shame that we haven't had more foster kids, because we are really,really good with the kids that come into care.

[actaktmdt]

Check with your states dhs office. In Michigan you can foster and do daycare however they are includeed in ratios here.