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  #1  
Old 04-14-2012, 01:28 PM
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momofboys momofboys is offline
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Default Are DCP Really So Naive Or Do They Honestly Not Know Behavior Is Bad?

Sometimes I feel very frustrated & I will admit honestly hurt at the way some DCP treat me. I used to attempt to treat them like they were friends & thoroughly thought about how I would want to be treated if in similar circumstances & I honestly can never imagine treating someone who was watching my kids the way some of my DCF treat me. Not that they are awful - they pay on time, kids are good, but I normally feel so disrespected even after I have laid down the law with some of them. Is there ever a way to rise above this? Not really asking for advice but will it always be like this?

Examples of things that happened just this week:
DCF 1 changed hours Sunday evening - told me they were coming at 9 am on Monday only to call me Mon morning at 6:35 am asking if the kids could come earlier around 7:30 (with less than an hour's notice - I was in bed asleep!)

DCF 1 - was to be here to pick up at 3:35 to get SA chil d- mom knows what time the bus arrives & was supposed to be here then - rather she showed up 1/2 hr after bus' drop-off time & she was off all afternoon so no reason to be late.

DCF 2 - DCD is in school & is supposed to drop off kids at noon on Thursdays. They are a newer family (only with me 4 weeks so far). Each day that he is the drop-off person he has arrived earlier & earlier. Not usually a problem but I based their pay on the drop off being noon & there are some days I may not be home until a few minutes before noon (I have no other family in care that day). Week 1 he dropped off at 11:45, week 2 at 11:35 & this week he dropped off at 11:20!!!! I did say something that he needed to let me know if he was coming earlier as I may not be home if he comes before his drop-off time. It just makes me feel as if they don't respect my time.

DCF2 - DCD is done with classes on Fri at 11:00 & is to be at my home by 12:00 to get kids. Yesterday he arrived at 12:20 & I was not angry but not happy - he told me he was late b/c he went home first to make himself a sandwich!

These are only stories from this week - so I am sure you can figure out that each week is a mess. How do I regain the respect without being a B#tch?! What's even harder for me is I can't imagine treating a caregiver in these ways. what is wrong with people?

Added this: Have you ever confronted a parent & let them know you have felt hurt by the way they treat you & disrespect you & your time?
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  #2  
Old 04-14-2012, 02:48 PM
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kendallina kendallina is offline
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Parents will respect you when you demand to be respected. A parent calls at 6:30 and asks to drop off 1-1/2 hours early...say "No, that won't work for me, I'll see you at 9:00" (perhaps that's what you did, but you didn't say in your post).

A dad is dropping off consistently earlier and earlier and you say that they need to 'let you know' if they will be there earlier...NO...tell them that their drop off time is noon and you will not accept their child before that time. Even if they show up at your door....turn them away or don't answer! If they would like to revisit their drop-off time, then you are happy to revisit their contract, drop-off time and rate.

If you allow parents to do whatever they want, they will. They follow your behavior, if you allow them to behave badly from day 1, they will continue it.

I try to be very upfront and honest with my parents about whether their behavior is okay or not and they actually respect me more because of it! They know that they cannot get away with dropping off whenever or picking up whenever because I value my time and they need to as well.
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  #3  
Old 04-14-2012, 03:30 PM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kendallina View Post
Parents will respect you when you demand to be respected. A parent calls at 6:30 and asks to drop off 1-1/2 hours early...say "No, that won't work for me, I'll see you at 9:00" (perhaps that's what you did, but you didn't say in your post).

A dad is dropping off consistently earlier and earlier and you say that they need to 'let you know' if they will be there earlier...NO...tell them that their drop off time is noon and you will not accept their child before that time. Even if they show up at your door....turn them away or don't answer! If they would like to revisit their drop-off time, then you are happy to revisit their contract, drop-off time and rate.

If you allow parents to do whatever they want, they will. They follow your behavior, if you allow them to behave badly from day 1, they will continue it. I try to be very upfront and honest with my parents about whether their behavior is okay or not and they actually respect me more because of it! They know that they cannot get away with dropping off whenever or picking up whenever because I value my time and they need to as well.
What she said. Especially the bolded part! I am VERY firm with my families about times and things like that. Don't get me wrong, I understand that things happen and life gets busy and confusing sometimes but I stress to all my dcf's that I expect them to treat me in a professional manner and I will always do the same for them.

I will never discuss their child or personal issues with anyone else nor will I judge them for who they are or their choices. I act in a prefessional manner and never hesitate to call them out if they slip up or are late/early or even when they say things or act in a manner that I was hurt or upset by. I will confront them and say, "I know you may not have meant this hurtfully Joan, but when you said ***X, it made me feel bad or disrespected." This is all part of the communication thing that everyone stresses.

It is so important to TELL people how things make you feel or you will find yourself being resentful or angry later. I choose to take pro-active measures rather than let things slide and build up.

I take great effort to be professional in every way. I dress professionally, speak professionally to the parents and adults involved and even go so far as to make all my notes, billing invoices and newsletters have my logo and professional signature. I stress pretty regularly to my parents that I am running a business and that I expect to be treated in such and such a manner and will tolerate no less.

It does take a bit of the "family-like" feel out of my child care program but honestly only for the parents, not the children. The children are loved and cuddled and snuggled and treated like part of my family. I make no apologies for how well I treat my dck's and no apologies for the business-only relationship I have with the parents.

It is ok to have 2 different types of relationships going on because I expect nothing from the kids (except good behavior) but they aren't paying the bill or giving me their schedules...kwim?

My advice to you is to start speaking up, being strict and not ever falling for sob stories or excuses as we all have them....it's ok to feel bad but you aren't required to have to act on the feeling bad part. I often sympathize with my families but it doesn't mean I am going to give them a break in rates or being late. Start ollowing your rules to a T and not giving an inch and you will be surprised at how quickly your DCF's will start doing the same. You have to teach people how you want to be treated by not tolerating the lateness or disrespectful comments or actions.

If a parent shows up even 5 minutes late, charge them. If they try to drop off 10 minutes early say to them "I'm sorry your child is not scheduled ot be dropped off for another 10 minutes, you will need to wait until them before I can take them." Above all, don't make excuses yourself for why. If they are early for dropping off, say you won't take the child but don't stray away into a big excuse as to why, just say you can't. period.

You will get better at it as time goes on but Kendallina is 100% right about parents respecting you more for being tougher and stricter about things. Whenyou are a pushover, they can tell and will treat you accordingly.

YOU decide how you want to be treated and then act that way.
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  #4  
Old 04-14-2012, 07:14 PM
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Kaddidle Care Kaddidle Care is offline
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It's very simple - charge them for your time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by momofboys View Post

DCF 1 changed hours Sunday evening - told me they were coming at 9 am on Monday only to call me Mon morning at 6:35 am asking if the kids could come earlier around 7:30 (with less than an hour's notice - I was in bed asleep!)

$20.00 Wake Up Early Fee

DCF 1 - was to be here to pick up at 3:35 to get SA chil d- mom knows what time the bus arrives & was supposed to be here then - rather she showed up 1/2 hr after bus' drop-off time & she was off all afternoon so no reason to be late.

Charge for that 1/2 an hour.

DCF 2 - DCD is in school & is supposed to drop off kids at noon on Thursdays. They are a newer family (only with me 4 weeks so far). Each day that he is the drop-off person he has arrived earlier & earlier. Not usually a problem but I based their pay on the drop off being noon & there are some days I may not be home until a few minutes before noon (I have no other family in care that day). Week 1 he dropped off at 11:45, week 2 at 11:35 & this week he dropped off at 11:20!!!! I did say something that he needed to let me know if he was coming earlier as I may not be home if he comes before his drop-off time. It just makes me feel as if they don't respect my time.

Again, charge for the extra time.

DCF2 - DCD is done with classes on Fri at 11:00 & is to be at my home by 12:00 to get kids. Yesterday he arrived at 12:20 & I was not angry but not happy - he told me he was late b/c he went home first to make himself a sandwich!

Advise him that your late pick up fee is $1.00 per minute but because it's his first time you'll only charge him $5.00.

These are only stories from this week - so I am sure you can figure out that each week is a mess. How do I regain the respect without being a B#tch?! What's even harder for me is I can't imagine treating a caregiver in these ways. what is wrong with people?

Added this: Have you ever confronted a parent & let them know you have felt hurt by the way they treat you & disrespect you & your time?
Never confront, just add it to their bill with a detailed explanation of the time discrepancies. Looks like you'll be making at least $35.00 more this week. Feel better?

My Dad has a saying: "You can only let them walk on you if you lie down and let them."

Last edited by Kaddidle Care; 04-15-2012 at 12:31 PM. Reason: $1.00 per minute not hour.. Oops! Lack of caffeine
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  #5  
Old 04-15-2012, 06:46 AM
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CheekyChick CheekyChick is offline
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Don't ever take it personally or act hurt. You're running a business. Just hand them an invoice with the extra fees they incurred from coming early/late.
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  #6  
Old 04-15-2012, 11:12 AM
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momofboys momofboys is offline
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Thank you ladies - you have given me the inspiration I needed to be more business-like. I feel that I am mostly but I find myself at times constantly scratching my head at their behavior instead of renouncing the bad & letting them know it is unacceptable. I will keep you posted on how things go this week!
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Old 04-15-2012, 01:05 PM
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kendallina kendallina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momofboys View Post
Thank you ladies - you have given me the inspiration I needed to be more business-like. I feel that I am mostly but I find myself at times constantly scratching my head at their behavior instead of renouncing the bad & letting them know it is unacceptable. I will keep you posted on how things go this week!
Great! You can do it!
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Old 04-15-2012, 07:55 PM
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Ariana Ariana is offline
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Lots of great advice given!! I would also add that it's important to take emotion out of it. Keep the emotion for the kids. The parents are not your friends they're your business client and you need to treat them as such. Every interaction with them needs to be this way....especially the ones with no respect.
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  #9  
Old 04-16-2012, 11:51 AM
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jojosmommy jojosmommy is offline
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Have you considered charging based on the time they are there in 15 min increments? I don't because I haven't had these types of issues but a nearby provider does and says it works wonders for people who try early drop off/late pick up with out asking. That sandwich is gonna cost you buddy.
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  #10  
Old 04-16-2012, 10:25 PM
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I have had the same exact issues with parents, I found it more frustrating when I had less kids then I do now that I have a full house. I think DCP get in their head that we work for them and we do what they say and forget that their child is replaceable. In my contract I charge $1 per minute if they are more then 15 minutes earlier then their contractual time, I open at 7am and I don't open the door before that. I've had a parent ring my doorbell and phone for 20 minutes before and at 7am I opened the door and said "Good Morning!" when they argued why I didn't open the door I simply said I don't open til 7am they told me that I could have answered the phone and told them. I pointed to the daycare sign posted on the front lawn next to the steps and showed them the time. They weren't happy but they never came early again. I also charge $1 per every minute late after their contractual time if they don't call a head, and if it's after 6pm there is no excuse they are charged no matter what. I stick to my contract and make no exceptions cause the first time you make one they walk all over you!
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