Not Sure What To Do...

[Ariana]

I've written about a 2 yr old DCG who cries over everything, is very defiant and is disrupting my group and upsetting my DD. I had to call the parents today to come and get her as I was just fed up with her behavior.

I'm really not sure what to do going forward. Ignoring her tantrums is not an option because my DD gets soooo upset eventhough I've explained to her countless times that DCG is only crying to get what she wants and is not really hurt.

The mom says they discipline her at home but I don't know how a kid who is disciplined can be this out of control. She's really rough with her baby brother. Yesterday she poked his eye and made him cry and pulled at his ears. She bit the mom on the back of her leg yesterday and made it bleed!!

I feel like my only choice is to term her but I really don't want to lose $480 a month, at least not until the end of June when I have my SA starting.....UGH

[countrymom]

sounds like jealousy of the baby. there has to be more going on, I wonder what kind of discipline is going on. Well, give it a end date, if it doesn't improve them term them, but its only a couple more weeks too.

[DaisyMamma]

I agree. You already have an end date in mind. Tell mom that things need to improve or you will be terming.
If they don't improve then give a term letter with 2 weeks notice about mid-June.

[DCP]

I agree - sibling jealousy (unless she was like this before hand)

When a young one all of a sudden needs to share everything including Mom and Dad...they react in different ways. And it sounds like she is FIGHTING tooth and nail for attention the only way she knows how!

Regardless of reasoning - if this is causing MAJOR disruption to you and your family...you have to term her ;( By you giving into your child and quieting the DCG..you are only feeding into what the child wants in the first place- the demanded attention. This is not helping and actually making it worse on all of you! If you can swing it - give her a two week notice. Otherwise - look for a replacement ASAP

Good luck!

[Ariana]

I completely agree!! I told the mom yesterday that she seems to crave negative attention, seems angry all the time and it might be related to sibling jealousy. The mom agreed (the mom is GREAT!). The mom is a very hard disciplinarian though. She'll lock her in her room type of thing. The dad for sure gives in and coddles her way too much. The mixed messages are also contributing to the problem. I told the mom today that they had to work together to nip this in the bud.

What do you think of this though? The mom continually tells me about how her DD gets hurt and she laughs at her. For eample the other day they went to Home Depot and the little girl got her head stuck in a lawn chair (she wasn't listening to mom and went to play on them) and the mom stood there laughing at her for a few minutes before helping. Is that normal?? I couldn't even imagine doing that. Sometimes I feel that this little girls anger stems from her mother being cruel at times. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors.

[cheerfuldom]

Originally Posted by Ariana

I completely agree!! I told the mom yesterday that she seems to crave negative attention, seems angry all the time and it might be related to sibling jealousy. The mom agreed (the mom is GREAT!). The mom is a very hard disciplinarian though. She'll lock her in her room type of thing. The dad for sure gives in and coddles her way too much. The mixed messages are also contributing to the problem. I told the mom today that they had to work together to nip this in the bud.

What do you think of this though? The mom continually tells me about how her DD gets hurt and she laughs at her. For eample the other day they went to Home Depot and the little girl got her head stuck in a lawn chair (she wasn't listening to mom and went to play on them) and the mom stood there laughing at her for a few minutes before helping. Is that normal?? I couldn't even imagine doing that. Sometimes I feel that this little girls anger stems from her mother being cruel at times. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors.

It sounds like you are seeing some really odd behavior from the parents so I wouldnt expect them to be able to "nip this in the bud". I think it is time for you to consider terming, regardless of finances.

As for the lawn chair, I would probably laugh too but not for several minutes!

[DCP]

Lawn chair - giggle as helping unless of course she was hurting herself..then horror sets in

I am very strict (in general) I know children are smarter than we give them credit for so I do not give them an inch LOL however after a few years of me breaking down...and my husband seeing exactly what his methods were doing..he just NOW (7 years in) is putting on his Daddy pants!! Men have a HARD time with parenting I have seen, they tend to cause more harm than good for the Mom LOL (my own opinion of course) - If you want to keep this family..i suggest a sit down with Mom AND Dad...and try to school Dad on what needs to be done without playing a blame game.

Nothing will be solved if mom and dad are not on same page together never mind with you!

[Ariana]

This is how I feel too. I think this is just a total lost cause. I know I will sit down with them, try to give them advice but in the end the controlling dad will not listen. I also don't really want to give them parenting advice!! I don't feel it's my job. My job is to manage my daycare. I'm going to give it another few weeks, make sure I tell the parents every little incident and then term. I'm definately feeling done. This has been going on since October and she's still not understanding how to function in a daycare setting.

Thanks for being a sounding board

[cheerfuldom]

Originally Posted by Ariana

This is how I feel too. I think this is just a total lost cause. I know I will sit down with them, try to give them advice but in the end the controlling dad will not listen. I also don't really want to give them parenting advice!! I don't feel it's my job. My job is to manage my daycare. I'm going to give it another few weeks, make sure I tell the parents every little incident and then term. I'm definately feeling done. This has been going on since October and she's still not understanding how to function in a daycare setting.

Thanks for being a sounding board

okay so why are you even going to give it a few weeks when you know that it isnt going to work out? I am fully supportive of you just terming now and replacing them asap rather than dragging out something that is just stressing you out.

[DCP]

Originally Posted by Ariana

This is how I feel too. I think this is just a total lost cause. I know I will sit down with them, try to give them advice but in the end the controlling dad will not listen. I also don't really want to give them parenting advice!! I don't feel it's my job. My job is to manage my daycare. I'm going to give it another few weeks, make sure I tell the parents every little incident and then term. I'm definately feeling done. This has been going on since October and she's still not understanding how to function in a daycare setting.

Thanks for being a sounding board

My husband has always yelled at me for "giving advice" However....my clients are warned at the interview..I am pretty blunt! If you ask me a question expect the answer in truth!! This also applies to when I have an issue with a child. I will first discuss issue with parent - if it is not resolved in a timely manner - I will then consult with parents over the issue to see what "we" can do about it. Sometimes...the parents ask me what do I think. Most of my clients now have been here well over a year...I even get weekend texts for help LOL - I want my clients to trust me taking care of their kids so they need to know how I would handle situations. Another thing I look at...most are first timers...while I do not demand they take my advice..I do offer it and say This is what worked for me, or do you think we could try this etc.

If the Dad shows to not care (ie; not listen to you or your concerns) You really are fighting a losing battle - because he will be that one parent that even the best advice will not sink in...it is his way and that is that.

Be prepared to take drastic measures with a term notice if this is the case ;(

[Ariana]

Originally Posted by cheerfuldom

okay so why are you even going to give it a few weeks when you know that it isnt going to work out? I am fully supportive of you just terming now and replacing them asap rather than dragging out something that is just stressing you out.

I know!!! It's only a few more weeks and I gave them an ammended contract with 3 weeks notice (they requested and I made an exception) so really it's only a few more weeks.

I think I want to make it "appear" that I'm giving it a try kwim? They're good people so I don't want them to think I just dropped them.

I will chat with my husband about it tonight but I know he'll say "TERM"!! I dunno I feel like I'm giving up

[Ariana]

I have tried to add to my daycare so many times!! I just can't find anyone who fits in here besides the one DCG I have and her sister. Everyone has issues!!

[temom]

Originally Posted by Ariana

I have tried to add to my daycare so many times!! I just can't find anyone who fits in here besides the one DCG I have and her sister. Everyone has issues!!

i hear you

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Ariana

I have tried to add to my daycare so many times!! I just can't find anyone who fits in here besides the one DCG I have and her sister. Everyone has issues!!

yeah, but are they as bad as this little girls?

Some issues are much more bearable than others....kwim?

[countrymom]

hmm sounds like this child needs to either be your shadow or hovered over. What i mean is, that she is to follow you all day, you can't let her get in trouble, the minute she does, she goes on the naughty mat (I find that the mat works great) I think its time for you to be really firm and not give her an ounce of breathing room.
Now I suspect that she is also not listening at home either, and locking kids in a room is wrong. I think explaining to them that you use the naughty mat might work better for them.

[Ariana]

Originally Posted by countrymom

hmm sounds like this child needs to either be your shadow or hovered over. What i mean is, that she is to follow you all day, you can't let her get in trouble, the minute she does, she goes on the naughty mat (I find that the mat works great) I think its time for you to be really firm and not give her an ounce of breathing room.
Now I suspect that she is also not listening at home either, and locking kids in a room is wrong. I think explaining to them that you use the naughty mat might work better for them.

Today I had to bring her upstairs with me to make lunch. I made her sit in a chair and read books away from the other kids. I might start doing this when I feel it's going to escalate into a crying fit. The issue with the "naughty mat" is that I don't think it will work and she is still crying and upsetting everyone else here because they can see and hear her.

Today the dad drops her off and doesn't mention a thing about yesterday. Meanwhile this is the same guy that called me every night when another DCG had lice needing "an update on the situation"! Seriously!! Anyway he told me that mom was going to give me a call to discuss September....which means she wants me to take her son when she goes off mat leave. UGH. I'm stressed and sick because I'm pg and I don;t even want to deal with this right now.

[Ariana]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

yeah, but are they as bad as this little girls?

LOL! yes! One little boy had zero language and would cry "momma" over and over the whole time I was making lunch. I would try to occupy him with a dvd player and he wouldn't sit still. Major issues that went on for 6 weeks, so I had to term. Another interview I had the mom told me to make sure I kept my gate closed in my yard because her son might throw himself into the creek behind my house!! Meanwhile we go for walks everyday by the creek to see the geese etc ISSUES I tell ya!!!

[Willow]

Based on what you said here I'd wonder if she didn't have some sort of attachment disorder....which would be sad. But also infinitely difficult to deal with.

I don't blame you at all for wanting to be done with her drama.