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Sunshine75 08:02 PM 10-16-2013
I had a hard day today and just want to vent. I am watching one toddler and one baby. Baby is going well. Laid back, really easy going. Toddler is complete opposite. He is an only child who was with relatives before being with me. He is frustrating me and not sure what to do. I go to change the baby and he will push himself between me and the changing table. He will then start pulling things out that he's not supposed to get into. He will only do this when I am changing the baby or trying to feed the baby. No other time. He gets so much of my attention everyday due to the baby sleeping but the minute I try to engage with the baby he is right there trying to get in between us or poking or hitting the baby. Today though topped it. He is a screamer. I don't know if I could accurately describe his screaming but think of the highest pitch you can and magnify it as being loud enough to be heard throughout an entire house from the basement. Well, he is 13 months old and sleeps typically an hour and a half twice a day. I think that is normal. Today though I put him down for his afternoon nap as he was yawning and rubbing eyes. No sooner did I put him down that he decided he wanted up. He screamed so loud that he then woke the baby up in another room. He only had been sleeping for an hour and needed much more sleep. The thing is that his screaming is waking the baby up often enough that mom of baby is getting frustrated and I don't know what to do. Can anyone relate? Advice? My boys are also struggling with the screaming as it literally hurts your ears. Thanks for any help you can provide.
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Cradle2crayons 08:42 PM 10-16-2013
Originally Posted by Sunshine75:
I had a hard day today and just want to vent. I am watching one toddler and one baby. Baby is going well. Laid back, really easy going. Toddler is complete opposite. He is an only child who was with relatives before being with me. He is frustrating me and not sure what to do. I go to change the baby and he will push himself between me and the changing table. He will then start pulling things out that he's not supposed to get into. He will only do this when I am changing the baby or trying to feed the baby. No other time. He gets so much of my attention everyday due to the baby sleeping but the minute I try to engage with the baby he is right there trying to get in between us or poking or hitting the baby. Today though topped it. He is a screamer. I don't know if I could accurately describe his screaming but think of the highest pitch you can and magnify it as being loud enough to be heard throughout an entire house from the basement. Well, he is 13 months old and sleeps typically an hour and a half twice a day. I think that is normal. Today though I put him down for his afternoon nap as he was yawning and rubbing eyes. No sooner did I put him down that he decided he wanted up. He screamed so loud that he then woke the baby up in another room. He only had been sleeping for an hour and needed much more sleep. The thing is that his screaming is waking the baby up often enough that mom of baby is getting frustrated and I don't know what to do. Can anyone relate? Advice? My boys are also struggling with the screaming as it literally hurts your ears. Thanks for any help you can provide.
Few questions:::

(1) how long have you had this child
(2) does he do this at home
(3) what does mom have to say?
(4) is he getting OVER TIRED?
(5) any way you can put some semi loud music in the room with the younger baby and make the stretch between the two rooms during nap farther away? When I have just ky and CJ here I nap them on opposite sides of the house. And in Kymoras room I have a semi loud radio on in her room and with the door closed (I have live audio and video in there so I can watch her at ALL times due to her medical issues). And even with her nap room being in the hallway in the kids suite side of our house and four other kids being rather loud, it still doesn't wake her up.

With just two daycare kids it doesn't sound like the child is over stimulated but very possible over tired.

Why is the babies mom upset? Is the younger baby crabby after pick up due to lack of sleep??
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Sunshine75 08:56 PM 10-16-2013
I have had him here since the end of August and he has always been this way. Talked to dad about it and he says he only does it when he's hungry. That is not the case. I don't think he's overtired as he usually is on a strict schedule with me and I don't extend him past the time. Plus, he does this in the morning as well right when he gets here and wakes my own boys up. Babies mom just doesn't like seeing that her little guy is being woke up and she has seen some of the interactions from the older one to her little guy. The other day she was bringing him down the stairs and the toddler starts screaming and crying when he saw them. I live in a rambler and unfortunately no where is immune to his scream. I already have a fan blowing on high in the babies room and it didn't drown it out today.
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BrooklynM 09:31 PM 10-16-2013
That sounds terrible! I would also try to put him down a little earlier. Maybe try to put him down before you put the baby down if that is possible? Definitely a noise machine in the room, and a strict routine so he knows what to expect. If you don't have the book "Naptime" its a great book, I highly recommend it and I read it before each naptime (It's very quick, but it just establishes that yes, this is naptime). Set a timer before you go into the room, when you do, just whisper and say, this is naptime, we must nap so we can play later. I'll see you when you wake up! Even if he is screaming, try to say it as soft as you can. I have a multi-view video monitor so I can see every baby sleeping. That really helps. Then I can judge, if they are screaming, but laying down or are they in panic mode trying to get out, etc.

I would also meet with the parents and establish a commitment from them on how they put him to sleep on the weekends. You guys need to be on the same page and be consistent. Let them know if they want this to work with you, then they need to do their part. It's not unreasonable to ask for a commitment from the parents to make their child happy!
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coolconfidentme 03:27 AM 10-17-2013
I had a DCB scream non-stop on day. (He was a crier when dropped off.) I told him to go lay down; he could get up when he was done. After an hour of ear piercing screaming, I left a voicemail for DCM to pick up. That was followed by many texts asking her where she was. When she showed up 5 hours later, he was still screaming to the top of his lungs! No tears btw. She never tried to apologize for taking her time or his screaming. I termed the child & she then she apologized & begged me to keep him. We saw them in a store a few weeks ago & he was running, knocking thing down & laughing as she tried to catch him. I dodge a bullet with that one.
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Sunshine75 08:10 AM 10-17-2013
The hard part is that he is only 13 months so he doesn't understand yet telling him he has to nap. All he knows is he wants up and if you don't get him screaming will commence. Not a good scenario. The other thing is as a mom and with having a family I need to still have as peaceful an environment as possible. If it were just me it would be different but my boys are home during the day as they are homeschooled. They do their work on their own as they are older but they still need some semblance of peace and quietness not random ongoing screaming. Also, do you ever feel like you can tell how a child is going to be when older based on how they are at this age? I have a feeling this toddler is going to be a huge challenge....
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coolconfidentme 10:30 AM 10-17-2013
Originally Posted by Sunshine75:
The hard part is that he is only 13 months so he doesn't understand yet telling him he has to nap. All he knows is he wants up and if you don't get him screaming will commence. Not a good scenario. The other thing is as a mom and with having a family I need to still have as peaceful an environment as possible. If it were just me it would be different but my boys are home during the day as they are homeschooled. They do their work on their own as they are older but they still need some semblance of peace and quietness not random ongoing screaming. Also, do you ever feel like you can tell how a child is going to be when older based on how they are at this age? I have a feeling this toddler is going to be a huge challenge....
I would wager bets on my DCKs on how they will act as adults! I have a 14 mth old DCB who shares, kind & helpful. I have another who will be a manipulator.

I have been able to cure a 1 yr old that was a screamer in & out of bed. I would wave my hands & quietly say, "no scream" He finally stopped during play & a week or so later, in bed. I think if we get them early enough, there is hope for them!
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JoseyJo 11:07 AM 10-17-2013
Originally Posted by Sunshine75:
The hard part is that he is only 13 months so he doesn't understand yet telling him he has to nap. All he knows is he wants up and if you don't get him screaming will commence. Not a good scenario. The other thing is as a mom and with having a family I need to still have as peaceful an environment as possible. If it were just me it would be different but my boys are home during the day as they are homeschooled. They do their work on their own as they are older but they still need some semblance of peace and quietness not random ongoing screaming. Also, do you ever feel like you can tell how a child is going to be when older based on how they are at this age? I have a feeling this toddler is going to be a huge challenge....
A 13 mo definitely CAN know when it's time for nap. They understand a lot of words by that age even if they can't speak much yet Plus a naptime routine can tell even a little baby that it is now time for nap before they understand any words.

And yes- I think you can tell a lot by how a child will act when older by that that age, usually more about their parenting style than personality but honestly that (IMO) is the #1 cause of behavior issues anyway...
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Heidi 11:15 AM 10-17-2013
Originally Posted by Sunshine75:
The hard part is that he is only 13 months so he doesn't understand yet telling him he has to nap. All he knows is he wants up and if you don't get him screaming will commence. Not a good scenario. The other thing is as a mom and with having a family I need to still have as peaceful an environment as possible. If it were just me it would be different but my boys are home during the day as they are homeschooled. They do their work on their own as they are older but they still need some semblance of peace and quietness not random ongoing screaming. Also, do you ever feel like you can tell how a child is going to be when older based on how they are at this age? I have a feeling this toddler is going to be a huge challenge....
a 13 month old Absolutely can understand that it time for nap! Don't let him fool you.

You need to establish boundaries with this kiddo now. Don't let him shake you up. Nap time is nap time and that's it. Also, for most children, he should be sleeping closer to 2 1/2 to 3 hours per day for naps. He needs more sleep, not less.

Edited to add:

I see now that he takes TWO naps. I read ONE 1 1/2 hour nap the first time. Sorry. That is right on target, although I always make morning naps shorter and afternoon naps 2 1/2 -3 hours with the "big" kids.
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cara041083 12:05 PM 10-17-2013
Originally Posted by Sunshine75:
The hard part is that he is only 13 months so he doesn't understand yet telling him he has to nap. All he knows is he wants up and if you don't get him screaming will commence. Not a good scenario. The other thing is as a mom and with having a family I need to still have as peaceful an environment as possible. If it were just me it would be different but my boys are home during the day as they are homeschooled. They do their work on their own as they are older but they still need some semblance of peace and quietness not random ongoing screaming. Also, do you ever feel like you can tell how a child is going to be when older based on how they are at this age? I have a feeling this toddler is going to be a huge challenge....

He can understand to nap. This is what do and it works for me. It may not work for you. I have a 13 month old myself. I don't have any in my care at this time but when I did I did the same thing. I tried the two naps a day thing with my own child as well as the DK. It didn't work. I had the same problem. So now I lay them down for a longer nap in the middle of the day. At first it was hard, but once they got on schedule it was WAY better with no more screaming. And its easy. You lay them down, they fuss. When they realize your not gona run in and get them up they get used to it. Then all the kids are napping at the same time with no distractions. Then I watch the clock. If my DK or DD wake up before nap time is over, then I make them lay down until its time to get up. Its the same thing everyday. No exceptions. Good luck Like I said it works in my daycare, It may not work in yours. I do this with anyone over 12 months. Babies are different of course
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cara041083 12:07 PM 10-17-2013
Also, have you talked to the parents to find out what time he is going to bed at night? It could be that they are putting him to bed really early, and hes just not ready for a morning nap and that's why he fights you on it.
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Heidi 12:11 PM 10-17-2013
Originally Posted by cara041083:
He can understand to nap. This is what do and it works for me. It may not work for you. I have a 13 month old myself. I don't have any in my care at this time but when I did I did the same thing. I tried the two naps a day thing with my own child as well as the DK. It didn't work. I had the same problem. So now I lay them down for a longer nap in the middle of the day. At first it was hard, but once they got on schedule it was WAY better with no more screaming. And its easy. You lay them down, they fuss. When they realize your not gona run in and get them up they get used to it. Then all the kids are napping at the same time with no distractions. Then I watch the clock. If my DK or DD wake up before nap time is over, then I make them lay down until its time to get up. Its the same thing everyday. No exceptions. Good luck Like I said it works in my daycare, It may not work in yours. I do this with anyone over 12 months. Babies are different of course
I'm actually working on this with my 4 month old already. If he wakes up before nap is over, I go in, replace binky, and walk out. Rinse and repeat unless he becomes terribly upset or cries for more than 4 or 5 minutes. So far, he goes back to sleep every time. Sometimes, it takes 1 or 2 binky replacements over a 2 1/2-3 hour nap. If I could ditch the binky, I would, but I don't want to do CIO with such a little one. Once he can roll over and really grab it, I will give it to him, but no longer replace it for him.

When nap is over, I make a big ol' amount of noise...singing loudly (and badly, I might add) "it's time to get up..." Everyone KNOWS nap time is over.

Funny thing is, while he wakes up crying DURING nap, at the end of nap, he always wakes up cooing. He needs the sleep...just doesn't realize it yet.
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Sunshine75 05:02 PM 10-17-2013
Thanks for all the input. Parents put him down for bed by 7:30. Harder to get him to sleep in the afternoon vs the morning. Today was a better day and I am going to work on some suggestions to see if I can stop his incessant screaming so our ears will feel better!
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