3 Year Old Napping Challenge

[mrobbins]

Hello!
I have a 3 year old that is in a daycare center. I am concerned as to what is going on with naptime and wanted to check with others out there as to what the norm is or what is really supposed to be happening.
My daughter will nap a good 2 hours at home as there are no interruptions but at daycare, we've been lucky if she's napped for longer than an hour and half. She gets a full night sleep of 10-11 hours and we have a very regimented schedule for sleeping. Same routine, same time, etc. My concern is not the length of nap but thought it good to know that it is shorter than the standard 2 hour rest that centers have. We've known that always to be the case and have been fine with it. She recently transitioned to the 3 year old room. Now, she doesn't call for us at home when she is in bed and ready to get up. She doesn't get out of bed when waking up, she just lays there and will lay there until we go in and get her. So we have to really watch the monitor for when she is awake as she will lay there very still and silent. She's been potty trained for a year now.
Fast forward to today. She pooped at daycare at naptime. The teacher said she did it during nap, but we are doubtful that she slept for 2+_hours and did it during sleep? My husband said he has walked in at the tail end of nap and they make the children stay on the cots, resting the entire 2 hours. They aren't allowed to make noise, move, or speak. I get that you don't want them bothering other kids but she just pooped her pants! And, I find it hard to believe that she did it during sleep. I'm really struggling with this one as it seems to us that they are making them stay there and quiet. Seems like they are conditioning them to not talk, not move, not do anything until lights come on. So, what do you expect?! She's not going to tell them she has to go. This isn't like her to all of a sudden poop herself.
How do you handle the daycare? How do you handle that at home you have to watch her constantly when it is getting close to the end of naptime. We've tried talking to her to ask her to call for us or tell us that she needs to go, etc. It doesn't seem to help.
What would you do in this situation?
What should I know that I may not be knowing?
How would you handle this?

Thank you in advance... a very frustrated mom.

[Leigh]

When you use group care for your child, your child needs to be taught how to behave within a group. Yes, they don't want one child to wake the others, which is why they're taught to stay on their cot until nap is over. I don't see a problem with that-I LOVE to lie in bed for a while after waking! It's a good time to reflect and relax while awake. It's also a time that the brain is developing in children-"crib talk" (babbling upon waking) is very important. It's doing your child no harm to lie on her cot for a while after waking.

As far as the pooping: hard to know. Some kids poop intentionally to try to get up from nap (before or after), some kids actually do poop in their sleep. I doubt she was left in it for long, but I do think that a child should be changed in a reasonable amount of time after pooping, regardless of it being naptime or not.

Bottom line: Kids in group care have to conform to the group. They can't let one or two kids run around and play during quiet time. Lying on the cot for a reasonable amount of time is not only not harmful, but is probably beneficial. My own pediatrician told me of my own son when he started resisting naps that rest time is essential whether he sleeps or not, and that while I can't force him to sleep, I CAN and SHOULD force him to rest his body during the afternoon nap time.

[Blackcat31]

Having a BM during nap WHILE asleep is VERY common... the sphincter muscles are relaxed during nap and even those kids potty trained will sometimes have a bowel movement during nap. It really isn't out of the ordinary at all.....

[Cat Herder]

In my experience, kids are able to go to the bathroom independently in the 3 year old room.

Just like at home they watch for the bathroom to be free, then they go quietly on their own, without waking others. They then return to their own mats to wait until naptime is over.

Generally books are allowed to be read quietly on mats during naptime.

At 3 , self help should be the goal, not calling adults to tell them she has to go to the bathroom.

I don't think it's unreasonable for them to expect her to lay "quiet and still" for the remainder of nap - that's how I phrase it to my daycare children - and then are expected to lay without disturbing others until nap is over. However, they are allowed to get up to use the restroom - but they still have to do so in a manner than doesn't disturb sleeping children.

I would remind your child that they are allowed to go to the bathroom when they wake up, they may just need the reminder. I can't think of a 3 year old classroom that wouldn't allow bathroom use at least one time during nap.

And it may have very well been an accident too. My newly potty trained children, will sometimes hold BMs and they have a tendency to come out when they are relaxed and sleeping.

[daycarediva]

Originally Posted by Cat Herder

In my experience, kids are able to go to the bathroom independently in the 3 year old room.

Just like at home they watch for the bathroom to be free, then they go quietly on their own, without waking others. They then return to their own mats to wait until naptime is over.

Generally books are allowed to be read quietly on mats during naptime.

At 3 , self help should be the goal, not calling adults to tell them she has to go to the bathroom.

Originally Posted by Logged out

I don't think it's unreasonable for them to expect her to lay "quiet and still" for the remainder of nap - that's how I phrase it to my daycare children - and then are expected to lay without disturbing others until nap is over. However, they are allowed to get up to use the restroom - but they still have to do so in a manner than doesn't disturb sleeping children.

I would remind your child that they are allowed to go to the bathroom when they wake up, they may just need the reminder. I can't think of a 3 year old classroom that wouldn't allow bathroom use at least one time during nap.

And it may have very well been an accident too. My newly potty trained children, will sometimes hold BMs and they have a tendency to come out when they are relaxed and sleeping.

This. My kids are all told that they can get up and potty at any time. It's cute to watch them tip toe and shush their other friends as they pass by them.

It's a self help skill. You said yourself you have to watch for your daughter waking because she will just lay quietly. MANY children do this, so that's probably what happened at daycare. She woke, laid quietly, and either had the accident during sleep or after she woke. Assuming she was changed promptly, I don't see why you're upset. She was behaving the same at DC as at home.