Yes, this age-old question has been discussed on previous threads but I did not want to steal focus from the person who posted it. Besides, each circumstance is unique.

I have almost done it, I even have the letter ready to go from a few months ago.

How many of you have termed for just plain not liking a child? (Keep in mind, not all adult personalities are compatible either, it’s really the same thing) While I realize this can be a touchy subject, I am seeking tried and true advice, please refrain from negativity, it makes me sad. I am never interested in partaking in catty banter. We are all on the same team here!

I could mention all the annoying qualities the DCK (age 2 ¼) possesses but that would take forever. OK ok If you insist, I will name just a few…
• Rips every toy off the shelf and onto the floor in a matter of 5 minutes
• Cannot play nicely with other children, constantly takes toys, hits, pushes, cries when corrected and yells. Thinks all toys are “mine”. Hoards toys.
• Needless to say, unstructured or “free play” is out of the question for this one. Oh, but structured activities are out too, as DCK will not sit with the group for 5 seconds without disrupting the entire activity… forget circle time.
• Cannot use paint, markers or anything really that doesn’t go in the mouth, because it will.
• Constantly making NOISE... literally nonstop. Humming, repeating, yelling, laughing
• Always having to take a sit and play separate from other children due to behavior issues
• Riles up other children
• Wakes up the other children during nap

The list goes on forever it seems and it is such a pleasant environment when this child is not here for the day. The odd thing is, the DCK is actually a really good listener and can be very sweet. None of the obnoxious behavior is done aggressively, however, I am CONSTANTLY redirecting and I am exhausted mentally.

I am highly inclined to believe it is not just age, nor do I believe it is a case of ADHD. I think this may be an instance of Nature AND Nurture as DKP and I have very different parenting styles. DCP is permissive so that does not help one bit. I have done my best to address this to no avail.

Despite all, I feel bad for this kiddo. (Alright, I guess I have a soft spot for DCK after all…still drives me nuts though) I literally cannot stand this child but I feel like I would miss the little stinker if I terminated. I need my sanity and I find myself being grumpy. Is the grass really greener on the other side? What would you do? Even an “I am in the same boat” would help!

P.S Not concerned about the money aspect one bit. Just what is best for the little one and my brain!

Reply

I had a soft spot for a child of a permissive parent. Loved the child but trying to balance that child in a group was a nightmare. Parents weren't going to change and I felt like I was in a constant uphill battle. Most kids learn there's a different set of expectations here and ( even if it takes time ) meet them and I only have to deal with drop off and pick up time since they know they have control at home. This child seemed to struggle every single day. I did eventually terminate care and it was definitely the right decision. I shouldn't have tried to stick it out. Looking back, I feel like I did a disservice to the child since this was obviously not the right setting to have them in.

Reply

I had this exact child recently. They were with me for about a year and I finally gave up as the behaviors got worse and worse and, to be honest, I was never able to form a connection with the child which makes it a bit more difficult to deal with. I always feel bad letting a child go, but the days go by so so sooo much smoother now...I don't regret it for a second!

Reply

He sounds exhausting. I never feel guilty for terming. When I feel it coming and start questioning myself then it's usually time and once I actually term it's always a huge weight lifted off of me and my days are so much more pleasant. I imagine you will be much happier and engaged with the other kids in your care once he's gone

Reply

Any time you are dreading a child's attendance repeatedly, you should term. It's not fair to you and not fair to the kiddo. The nice thing about this being your business is that you can term for whatever reason you want!

Reply

Thank you all, it is nice to just hear that some of you have been through it also! I somehow knew terming is the right direction, yet it is is hard not to second guess myself, especially on the "good" days.

Reply

regardless of age we are not going to connect with every child in care. Like you said no different that connecting with adults. I have a very best friend who is 72, she is who I inspire to be.

I honestly fell every child deserves a child that can connect with them. I am lucky that I have staff and I don't connect too well with the child, there is a chance they will, if not, we have to let the child go.

It's also taking a look at your environment, it may not be with the child needs.

Don't feel bad, you are only human and you can only do so much. Honestly, i would let this child go, sounds like he needs a difference environment and an adult that can give more one on one attention.

Reply

I cared for a child just like this, so I think I know what you mean. She started coming to me at 6 weeks of age. As she grew her "terrible two" behavior seemed to go beyond the scope of her peers. Even to myself, it is/was hard to describe it, without it sounding like an "age" problem, it just always seemed like more. Her parents were very permissive. However I'd learned throughout the years that eventually, kids learn what is acceptable at home and what is acceptable at daycare. Sometimes it just takes some trial and error. Her disruptive behavior continued though as she grew, and when I discussed with the parents I would learn she was behaving far worse at home. Leaving them with very little sympathy to correct her behavior at daycare. I love that girl to death though and 50 hours a week, every week, until she went off to Kindergarten, I worked to implement positive behaviors. Most days were successful but very exhausting. Once she was no longer apart of our group, I felt a relief I didn't even realize I needed at the time. I hate saying it but with her absence came a positive change overall for my program, and it changed the way I handled things from there on out.

She is in 2nd grade now and while she still struggles, being treated for ADHD has helped her improve. By saying this, I'm not suggesting in anyway that's the fix. My point is, in my case, it did turn out to be quite a mixture of things that contributed to her exhausting behaviors. I think it all boils down to what you feel like you can handle and what is best for your program and all of the children.

Reply