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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>3 Year Old Who Calls You And Other Adults Names?!
Unregistered 05:43 PM 07-19-2017
In my 12 1/2 years of being an in home child care provider I have never had a child call me names or other daycare parents names. But this week, that changed. On Monday he called another parent wierd and ugly when she came in to pick up. Today he said " you're stupid" under his breath while he was coloring when i was sitting near him. When I asked him who he was saying that to, he looked at me and said "You're stupid." I have no idea what would have brought this on. He wasn't upset, just sitting and coloring. They are not terrible names, but name calling nonetheless. The child is a 3 1/2 year old boy who is the youngest of three. When I talked to him about the incident with other parent, I asked him what he would think if another child talked to his mom this way. He told me he wouldn't like it because it's mean. I feel like he is at an age where he does understand what he saying and knows it is not nice. Now I am wondering how to respond to him, as he continues to repeat the same behavior. I guess I am just a bit floored with him starting to have no problem talking to adults in this way. 😕
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Pestle 08:10 PM 07-19-2017
Trying to get a 3.5yo to empathize isn't going to change his behavior; they don't have the brain development yet for that to work. If he's going to insult people, the natural consequence is being isolated--I tell my kid, "You hurt my feelings. I don't want to read a book to you any more," or "You were rude to John, so you may not play with John."

Get with the parents to find out if this is happening at home and what they're doing about it.
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daycare 08:39 PM 07-19-2017
When those words are said I would change them, give him words he can say and pay no mind to the bad words. Give them no attention. I think he's doing it to gain something.


Calling someone stupid is hurtful, it makes me sad. Why don't we say silly billy instead. Make a list of names he can say. I have worked with kids like this and eventually they mirror what they see and hear in our classroom environment. I always use positive affirmations that the kids seek out like crazy. They hear me say it to all of the kids and I hear them say it back to each other.

Just today one of my boys told a girl. You look so beautiful in that dress, you look like Elsa. She hugged him and asked him to play. This same boy came to me saying stuff like WTF, sucks, eat one, blow smoke and I could go on. He's been with me for about 3 weeks.

I also ask the children when they say something mean, how do you feel right now. Often they will tell me the truth mad, sad, frustrated. So I spend time being proactive and catching them before they go off. We talk about what words they CAN say instead of can't.

I am also quick to get parents on. Oats as well
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Josiegirl 02:37 AM 07-20-2017
How old are his siblings? During the school year I have 3 yo twins and they were getting into that name calling stuff. I talked to mom about it and she says yeh, older sister was doing it. It catches on so quickly. I still have a 9 yo dcb this summer who has always done that. He and his 6 yo sister go at it big-time. I tell them that it makes me very sad to hear those words in my home because all the little ones will go home and repeat what they hear, their parents won't like it and will know exactly where they learned it.

Daycare, I'm impressed by the changes in your new dcb! And what a nice learning experience to be hugged for saying something nice!!
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Blackcat31 06:43 AM 07-20-2017
Originally Posted by Pestle:
Trying to get a 3.5yo to empathize isn't going to change his behavior; they don't have the brain development yet for that to work. If he's going to insult people, the natural consequence is being isolated--I tell my kid, "You hurt my feelings. I don't want to read a book to you any more," or "You were rude to John, so you may not play with John."

Get with the parents to find out if this is happening at home and what they're doing about it.
I agree....

I am also curious what the parent said.

I would have an immediate consequence to rude behavior. As soon as he says something mean or calls someone a name, I'd have him stop what he is doing and go sit. Not necessarily in time out (I don't use what most consider time out) but I would redirect him away from others. If you behave in a rude or mean way, you don't get to be in the company of others. Rinse and repeat.

I would also insist the parents start doing something to curb this behavior. If they are unwilling or make excuses for it, I'd consider terminating care. Other parents will begin to notice this and will ultimately pull their child if the issue continues and begins to impact their child.
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