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Parents and Guardians Forum>Spanking at Daycare
anabolina 07:24 PM 11-14-2015
Hey all,
I have a foster daughter who is 2.5 and the best little girl in the world(I may be a little biased . I've been caring for her for 4.5 months now and while she has visits with her mom, her mom hasn't made any visits for the past 2 months. I am single and have no other children, so I'm new to this and definitely appreciate the perspective of those with more experience.

My LO loves her daycare for the most part, I mean for the past month or so she's gone from hurrying into her classroom to having me escort her in, but I put that down to a new teacher.

Now I'm pretty certain, I'm reading too much into this, but tonight during bedtime, I was reading the book 'Love You Forever' with her in my lap and she was holding a baby doll in her lap and 'reading' and singing the words she remembers to the doll. Suddenly in the middle of the book, she turns the doll over and spanks her several times and tells her not to poop. This sort of sent a warning bell off in my head since I don't use physical discipline as a foster parents and I think that Texas daycares aren't allowed to use it either.

Still, this is just the one moment of concern and there's no reason to believe she's spanked at daycare if she poops (yes we are in the midst of potty training and they have been really helpful in getting her to the point she is now). Also, she could simply have done it based on a past caregiver that's just now manifesting or for no reason at all. My only other concern is that they are really particular about keeping parents out of classrooms. They are very fast to bring kids out. I've only seen the inside of her classroom a few times when I showed up at earlier times to pick her up. Still this could be completely normal for daycares.

I did pick up my niece and nephew for their daycare and their daycare was the opposite. You signed them out and then you went and got the child so there was no restriction on seeing where the child spends the day... But IDK, there was nothing going on at the times I have been inside other than the sorts of activities you would expect at a daycare (changing diapers, playing, reading, etc).

I've pretty much convinced myself to keep an eye out, but be observant for any other sign they may be using some sort of physical discipline. Do ya'll know of any signs I should look out for?
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KidGrind 06:54 AM 11-15-2015
Originally Posted by anabolina:
Hey all,
I have a foster daughter who is 2.5 and the best little girl in the world(I may be a little biased . I've been caring for her for 4.5 months now and while she has visits with her mom, her mom hasn't made any visits for the past 2 months. I am single and have no other children, so I'm new to this and definitely appreciate the perspective of those with more experience.

My LO loves her daycare for the most part, I mean for the past month or so she's gone from hurrying into her classroom to having me escort her in, but I put that down to a new teacher.

Now I'm pretty certain, I'm reading too much into this, but tonight during bedtime, I was reading the book 'Love You Forever' with her in my lap and she was holding a baby doll in her lap and 'reading' and singing the words she remembers to the doll. Suddenly in the middle of the book, she turns the doll over and spanks her several times and tells her not to poop. This sort of sent a warning bell off in my head since I don't use physical discipline as a foster parents and I think that Texas daycares aren't allowed to use it either.

Still, this is just the one moment of concern and there's no reason to believe she's spanked at daycare if she poops (yes we are in the midst of potty training and they have been really helpful in getting her to the point she is now). Also, she could simply have done it based on a past caregiver that's just now manifesting or for no reason at all. My only other concern is that they are really particular about keeping parents out of classrooms. They are very fast to bring kids out. I've only seen the inside of her classroom a few times when I showed up at earlier times to pick her up. Still this could be completely normal for daycares.

I did pick up my niece and nephew for their daycare and their daycare was the opposite. You signed them out and then you went and got the child so there was no restriction on seeing where the child spends the day... But IDK, there was nothing going on at the times I have been inside other than the sorts of activities you would expect at a daycare (changing diapers, playing, reading, etc).

I've pretty much convinced myself to keep an eye out, but be observant for any other sign they may be using some sort of physical discipline. Do ya'll know of any signs I should look out for?
The typical signs of bruising on her bottom, legs, back or any areas covered by clothing.

She might be imitating a previous experience. I tell the parents all the time through imaginary play, I see glimpses of your household.

Good luck and I hope all is well at her current daycare situation! As a parent and provider, I always tell people to go with their gut. I tell them if you’re not comfortable with me, don’t go with me. And if you go with me and don’t have the feeling you made the right decision, I will not be offended.
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Josiegirl 09:20 AM 11-15-2015
It could be something or nothing, could be she's copying another little girl's play at daycare. Could be just your little foster dd's imagination at work. Kids do come out with unusual things all the time and most(not all of course) are really nothing to worry about. Are there hitting issues going on within daycare?
Is there a way you can role-play with your dd to get an idea of how her providers interact with her? Usually spanking doesn't leave a lasting mark unless it's heavy-handed, JMO.
It's a tough call because you don't want to read too much into her play but sometimes it's exactly that one thing that can tell us a lot. I would try to casually talk about her day at daycare but not feed thoughts or words into her. Tricky but maybe it can be done. Also, is there any one provider she tends to shy away from or scares her?
It's smart of you to want to keep an eye open. As for not allowing parents inside that much, it does tend to create chaos sometimes. Even just having our library lady drop off a bag of books tends to 'set a whole different mood' to the dcks.
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daycarediva 08:49 AM 11-16-2015
Why is it always at daycare?

The logical conclusion would be she is working out things she has experienced with someone she knows and trusts. I would give a heads up to the teacher/director of the daycare. This most likely has something to do with her previous home(s). I am assuming either abuse or neglect. Is she in counseling or therapy? I am a previous foster mom and all of my foster kids were in therapy of some sort.

When she does it- I would gently redirect. "Ouch. Hitting would hurt baby. Accidents happen. Lets clean baby up nicely." All clean baby, don't you feel better now?"
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Play Care 09:09 AM 11-16-2015
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Why is it always at daycare?

The logical conclusion would be she is working out things she has experienced with someone she knows and trusts. I would give a heads up to the teacher/director of the daycare. This most likely has something to do with her previous home(s). I am assuming either abuse or neglect. Is she in counseling or therapy? I am a previous foster mom and all of my foster kids were in therapy of some sort.

When she does it- I would gently redirect. "Ouch. Hitting would hurt baby. Accidents happen. Lets clean baby up nicely." All clean baby, don't you feel better now?"


The kids in my care who mention spanking are all those who get spanked at home. I had to talk to a parent a while back because her son made a joke about me spanking him (before anyone gets their undies in a bunch, he was clearly joking and having fun with it - he would say "Mommy spanked me!" and laugh hystercially, then "Daddy spanked me!" and laugh, then it was "Ms Play Care spanked me!" I ended that business right then)

Anyhoo, I agree with Diva.
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spedmommy4 11:47 AM 11-16-2015
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Why is it always at daycare?

The logical conclusion would be she is working out things she has experienced with someone she knows and trusts. I would give a heads up to the teacher/director of the daycare. This most likely has something to do with her previous home(s). I am assuming either abuse or neglect. Is she in counseling or therapy? I am a previous foster mom and all of my foster kids were in therapy of some sort.

When she does it- I would gently redirect. "Ouch. Hitting would hurt baby. Accidents happen. Lets clean baby up nicely." All clean baby, don't you feel better now?"
I agree with this but the timeline seems off. Foster Parent mentioned; the child is 2.5, been with her for 5 months, and they only recently started potty training. (A frustrating process)

A 2 year olds memories aren't typically good enough to act out specific scenarios from a long time ago. Either she's seen it recently, experienced it recently, or (as another poster mentioned) seen another child act it out.

I don't think there is necessarily any reason to panic but I would keep an eye on things and maybe check in and see how potty training is going. As a parent myself, it would bother me a little that parents are never allowed in. I certainly don't want parents hanging out at my program all day, but I don't mind if they stop in once and awhile. I tend to think it goes a long way in building trust between parent and provider if parents get an "insiders" view once in awhile.
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daycarediva 03:45 PM 11-16-2015
Originally Posted by spedmommy4:
I agree with this but the timeline seems off. Foster Parent mentioned; the child is 2.5, been with her for 5 months, and they only recently started potty training. (A frustrating process)

A 2 year olds memories aren't typically good enough to act out specific scenarios from a long time ago. Either she's seen it recently, experienced it recently, or (as another poster mentioned) seen another child act it out.

I don't think there is necessarily any reason to panic but I would keep an eye on things and maybe check in and see how potty training is going. As a parent myself, it would bother me a little that parents are never allowed in. I certainly don't want parents hanging out at my program all day, but I don't mind if they stop in once and awhile. I tend to think it goes a long way in building trust between parent and provider if parents get an "insiders" view once in awhile.
My experience with foster care is that the children typically have long term memories when it comes to abuse/neglect. Traumatic memories unfortunately can make lasting imprints. The potty training may have just triggered the memory, or the child may not have been articulate enough to express the memory, or any number of scenarios.

OP- you could play out pottying at school. You chose a doll and be the teacher (name the name) and child is herself. I do quite a bit of reenacting and play rehearsing with my own kids and dck's, it's always insightful.
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Baby Beluga 01:09 PM 11-17-2015
Just food for thought:

My own child is 3.5 - we do not (nor have we ever spanked her).

Yesterday her and DCB age 3.5 were playing in the dramatic play area. All the sudden I hear "I am going to spank you!" I then see DCB bending a baby doll over and he pretends to spank her. My own DD then mimics the behavior. I intervene and ask how DCB knew what spanking was. He told me his mom spanks him when he hits her.

My point is, my own child had never even heard the word spanking prior to yesterday. Is it possible your little one witnessed a situation similar to above and was mimicking the behavior at home?
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Tags:abuse, physical - abuse, punishment, spanking
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