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Unregistered 07:39 AM 06-27-2017
My boyfriend has his daughter every other week. When he has her, shes comes to my daycare and i dont charge him because he lives with me and pays other bills so its not like hes getting it for free. But her mom wants to use my daycare as well but is under the impression that it will be free to her too. Is it wrong of me to charge her? I honestly dont want to do her any favors and feel she needs to pay me.
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trix23 07:52 AM 06-27-2017
You can do whatever you want. But I find it odd that she knows that it's free for him to send the child to you. I would say that you have made an arrangement with him for payment and that if she wants to send DCG to you that the rate each week she comes will be X. Make up a contract and policy Handbook and have her agree to all policies and to be paid before the week behind (either Monday or Friday for the upcoming week). Also have late payment fees and don't provide care if the bill isn't paid.
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hwichlaz 07:54 AM 06-27-2017
I wouldn't touch that with a 10 ft pole...

BUT I understand she's really already taking up a full-time spot, because unless you find a client with a schedule the opposite of hers, you're not going to fill the weeks she's not there. If that's how you're feeling about it, I'd offer it to her at your regular rate, and let her know that she needs to follow the same rules as everyone else, especially pick up and drop off times.
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hwichlaz 07:56 AM 06-27-2017
And explain that when she's with her dad, she's not in daycare, she lives there for those weeks. And he's paying bills to cover her and himself.
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Ariana 07:59 AM 06-27-2017
It is none of her business the arrangement you have with your BF. I would simply let her know the amount owed and leave it at that. If she asks, let her know that the financial arrangements with others in your daycare is not a matter for discussion. They are seperate people who just happen to "own" the same kid.

The only situation you might want to check out is whether or not your BF will have to help pay for the daycare if she ends up paying full fee. I assume he contributes child support? Perhaps you could negotiate daycare as part of that.
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Unregistered 08:00 AM 06-27-2017
Well shes only assuming its free for him because we are dating lol and its true.
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Blackcat31 08:01 AM 06-27-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Well shes only assuming its free for him because we are dating lol and its true.
So ask her why she would assume it's free for her too?

You aren't dating her.
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Unregistered 08:05 AM 06-27-2017
There is no child support right now since its 50/50. Im thinking now that maybe she should find her own daycare during her time. I could see this being a problem if shes mad at him. She could ruin my business...
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Blackcat31 08:18 AM 06-27-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
There is no child support right now since its 50/50. Im thinking now that maybe she should find her own daycare during her time. I could see this being a problem if shes mad at him. She could ruin my business...
Could she apply and qualify for child care assistance?
If so, I'd encourage her to do so.

It's nice that the child could potentially have consistent care from week to week with the same caregiver but I certainly wouldn't do it for free. Or even at a discounted rate.

MOM's time is MOM's issue and just because its your boyfriends child does not mean that free applies to mom too.
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Cat Herder 08:27 AM 06-27-2017
I am of two schools of thought on this.

Since this is BF and not husband, I'd charge both.

Were this a long term, committed, relationship I'd not charge either as to encourage a strong relationship and status quo with dad (things may get ugly later).

*Of great importance is the fact that I don't have to count children who live in the home into my numbers. It would only be my time and effort involved, not losing 1/6th of my income. I am a parent and adorer of children in general, not a saint, after-all. I do plan to retire some day.
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hwichlaz 08:52 AM 06-27-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
There is no child support right now since its 50/50. Im thinking now that maybe she should find her own daycare during her time. I could see this being a problem if shes mad at him. She could ruin my business...
If there is income discrepancy he could still end up owing at some point. Children are supposed to be able to have a similar standard of living in both homes.
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midaycare 10:30 AM 06-27-2017
This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

I would also like dck to have consistent care, but yeah, dcm could easily ruin your business. Adults tend to act less "adulty" when it comes to their children and divorces. She could be just wanting "free". She could be wanting to get more information on your life to file for full custody. She could be a saint.

But you're not married to this guy and you don't know her intentions. Protect yourself.
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daycarediva 10:38 AM 06-27-2017
This. No way would I touch this!
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EntropyControlSpecialist 10:41 AM 06-27-2017
Originally Posted by midaycare:
This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

I would also like dck to have consistent care, but yeah, dcm could easily ruin your business. Adults tend to act less "adulty" when it comes to their children and divorces. She could be just wanting "free". She could be wanting to get more information on your life to file for full custody. She could be a saint.

But you're not married to this guy and you don't know her intentions. Protect yourself.
I agree. I would NOT do this.
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laundrymom 10:41 AM 06-27-2017
I would charge your standard rate. And if she asks if dad pays you ii would simply say that your rate is $$
And ask if she'd like to see a contract and review your policies.
I wouldnt respond to any questions.
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nannyde 11:44 AM 06-27-2017
No way.
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Pestle 12:18 PM 06-27-2017
Yikes! I'm in the "don't provide free care for anybody" camp. Lots of care providers even send their own children to a different day care (particularly if their own kids are in a different age group or have special needs).

This falls into the "never do business with family" situation; it seems like every professional has a horror story about trying to do their significant other a solid and, instead, getting burned financially as well as emotionally.
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Cat Herder 12:36 PM 06-27-2017
IDK. This one is touchy.

Does this really fall into the "never do business with family" realm or the "kid is always welcome at dad's house"?

Dad lives there = Kid lives there, IMHO
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midaycare 12:50 PM 06-27-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
IDK. This one is touchy.

Does this really fall into the "never do business with family" realm or the "kid is always welcome at dad's house"?

Dad lives there = Kid lives there, IMHO
I can see it both ways, but first and foremost, they aren't married. Second, this is OP's business. Third, dad isn't home while the business is running (I'm assuming). So while it's dck's "home", it's not a home during business hours. Kind of like how my ds can't have friends over while I work because I'm running a business. I can't supervise. It's my home, but from 7:30-5:30 every weekday it's a business. Fourth, dcm wants free.

I would inagine dcm finds other care when the idea of free goes away. I could be wrong. But I'm guessing this issue resolves itself.

I can argue just as much for this, for the well being of the child, but they aren't married, so I won't. They could breakup tomorrow and dck would need to find alternate care on dcd's week (most likely). Then what...she still goes there on dcm's week? Yikes.

My answer would be different with a marriage.
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Pestle 01:47 PM 06-27-2017
I don't think the issue is marriage or not; it has more to do with custody of the child. Some couples stay together their entire lives without legally marrying, and they end up with MOST (although not all) of the financial and other legal entanglements that you end up with in a marriage.

If the care provider doesn't have legal custody of the child, I say the care provider shouldn't provide care for free.

If two people split custody of the child (dad and mom), then things could get hairy if somebody's paying child support or getting gov't benefits. Or, if later on there's a custody dispute, the care provider needs to have completely thorough and accurate records.
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Cat Herder 02:36 PM 06-27-2017
Op, what would happen if the child's mom was no longer in the picture and Dad suddenly had custody 24/7? What would this situation look like to you then?
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mommyneedsadayoff 02:45 PM 06-27-2017
There are too many variables in this situation. I would determine what works for me based on my relationship with dad and the child. If it is a new or tentative relationship, I may be more weary of getting involved, but if you live together and care for the child frequently, I would consider caring for the child full time. But, I would do as Cat Herder suggested and not involve ANY money. Care for the baby as you would your own and on mom's week, just make sure she abides by the pick up/drop off time you designate. It is so hard to give a direct answer here, because it may work so AMAZINGLY for you to care for the baby and for your 3-parent relationship (you, mom, dad) to grow in wonderful ways. But if mom is a bit of turd, it could go bad and she could use you and your business to get out of her obligation. I hope that is not what dad is doing, but only YOU know the dynamic of this relationship. For me, though, if I did it, I would not charge any money. The reason is because, if I was in love and wanting to spend my life with this person, their child is MY child in a way. I want them cared for and in a consistent environment. Their well being matters to me because it matters to their dad and I want our WHOLE family to be harmonious and cared for.

As for marriage or boyfriend, my dh and I were together for 12 years with two kids before we got legally married. And we FELT it when it came to his family. They still don't celebrate our anniversary. Only the anniversary of the day we got married. Only you know how strong or legitimate your relationship is, so if it is worth being in for hte long haul, then do what feels best to keep it working for hte long haul.
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Unregistered 04:16 PM 06-27-2017
If he had her full time, it would still be free...but like i said he pays me in other ways like picking up most of the utility bills or buying groceries. I consider her my daughter but also feel the mom is taking advantage of the situation. Im not her friend so i dont need to do her favors and my boyfriend and her dont get along very well. After reading everything you guys have said i dont think i want to take her during her moms time. It could get messy.
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284878 09:58 PM 06-27-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
If he had her full time, it would still be free...but like i said he pays me in other ways like picking up most of the utility bills or buying groceries. I consider her my daughter but also feel the mom is taking advantage of the situation. Im not her friend so i dont need to do her favors and my boyfriend and her dont get along very well. After reading everything you guys have said i dont think i want to take her during her moms time. It could get messy.
For tax purposes you need to charge him and buy your own food and pay your own bills. I believe Tom Copeland would agree with me, you won't be able to write of a portion of your bills on your taxes if you (or a spouse) didn't pay them.
Charging him will also help him in court because then he can prove he pays child care. If you don't charge him, she could get more child support when she shows that she has to pay every week (even when the child's not there) at a different day care.
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