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Unregistered 05:08 PM 01-23-2016
My child's daycare provider asked to see if I could have someone else watch her. The reason being she had a new baby coming to daycare and she would be over the limit because of the age limits. It would be for a few months;until one of the other kids has a birthday. Is this normal practice?
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Thriftylady 07:54 PM 01-23-2016
It depends. Ratios are one of those slippery slopes where all providers struggle. It sounds like your provider is in a bind. It could be any number of things that caused the issue. I am guessing that the new baby has a sibling already enrolled in the daycare. Very often, infant slots go first to siblings for several reasons. One of which being that if she doesn't take the sibling, she looses two children and is left with an empty slot. Another one being that the family with the sibling has been enrolled longer. I am just guessing here of course not knowing the provider but throwing out the most common scenarios.

How long have you been with the provider? Are you happy with the provider? Has the provider given you the date the spot will be open? Has she promised you that spot once it is open? These are all questions that I would use to base what I would do in your shoes. If I was happy with her, then I would look for a temporary solution until I could go back.
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Josiegirl 03:11 AM 01-24-2016
I completely 2nd everything pp said. Dcfs often expect another child while in our care and we do get into a bind with our numbers. We can only have so many children according to each state. I am facing that problem in the next few months and am hoping like crazy that it works itself out. I don't want to have to do to my dcfs what's happening to you. I love all my dcfs and picking one to let go of temporarily would be extremely difficult and probably cause me to lose the sibling.
Guess what I'm trying to say is please see both sides because in an issue such as this one, there are definitely 2 sides to consider. Is it common? I'm not sure but it does happen and probably mostly to private daycare homes where we can't really afford to hire an assistant; we end up having to pick and choose. This is a business first so we do need to consider making a living. As for myself, I try to consider all angles and make it work for the majority, without compromising too much. As it turns out one of my dcms had a baby in December but I cannot take her until summer, when my under-2 yo twins will be staying home with teacher dad. Then I just found out 1 of my other dcms may very well be pregnant and is due around Sept. Then a former dcm whose dd entered K, stills want to bring her baby this next fall. I definitely have to say no to somebody.
Good luck with your choice and search for child care!!
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Laurel 08:52 AM 01-24-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My child's daycare provider asked to see if I could have someone else watch her. The reason being she had a new baby coming to daycare and she would be over the limit because of the age limits. It would be for a few months;until one of the other kids has a birthday. Is this normal practice?
Personally, I think it is wrong to ask someone who is already there to give up their spot. The new baby can go somewhere else temporarily. If she loses both then so be it. I just feel like it is wrong. The parent who had another child has the problem. Not the provider and certainly not you.

I know others feel differently but that's my opinion and what I always did.
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Thriftylady 07:06 PM 01-24-2016
Originally Posted by Laurel:
Personally, I think it is wrong to ask someone who is already there to give up their spot. The new baby can go somewhere else temporarily. If she loses both then so be it. I just feel like it is wrong. The parent who had another child has the problem. Not the provider and certainly not you.

I know others feel differently but that's my opinion and what I always did.
That can go either way. It depends on the provider policy, if the provider has a policy on this. I personally would never have taken on an infant if I knew I had one soon to be coming that would cause an issue. I do have a policy where siblings get first priority, but if I had a mom having a baby soon and I had an empty space, I would likely just leave it empty rather than have an issue.
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Blackcat31 06:20 AM 01-25-2016
While I agree with Laurel that the NEWLY enrolled child (infant) is the child that should have their start date extended, I wonder if there is an issue with enrollment and which child is full or part time or if both families are full time.

If the OP's child attends part time then like Thriftylady said, I do have a policy that full time will ALWAYS trump part time (I am a business and my goal is to make money) so if a part time child was the easiest to "displace" for a few weeks so that I could enroll a full time infant I would absolutely consider asking the part time family to find alternate care until X date.

I would also do the same if I had a particularly "difficult" part time child in care. I may ask the part time child to find alternate arrangements so I could peacefully transition a new infant into care without the worry of managing the baby and the "tough" child all at once.

Again, it's the beauty of self-employment.

Providers can do what works best for them and whether this is "common practice" with in-home family child care providers or not is irrelevant as the OPs provider DID ask her to find alternate care for X dates so I would assume there is a pretty good reason for her to so.
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LysesKids 08:16 AM 01-25-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
While I agree with Laurel that the NEWLY enrolled child (infant) is the child that should have their start date extended, I wonder if there is an issue with enrollment and which child is full or part time or if both families are full time.

If the OP's child attends part time then like Thriftylady said, I do have a policy that full time will ALWAYS trump part time (I am a business and my goal is to make money) so if a part time child was the easiest to "displace" for a few weeks so that I could enroll a full time infant I would absolutely consider asking the part time family to find alternate care until X date.

I would also do the same if I had a particularly "difficult" part time child in care. I may ask the part time child to find alternate arrangements so I could peacefully transition a new infant into care without the worry of managing the baby and the "tough" child all at once.

Again, it's the beauty of self-employment.

Providers can do what works best for them and whether this is "common practice" with in-home family child care providers or not is irrelevant as the OPs provider DID ask her to find alternate care for X dates so I would assume there is a pretty good reason for her to so.
I have the same policy... FT trumps PT. Of course in my case my PT child is also just over a month from aging out so my new infant gets the spot regardless; Mom & Dad already know little miss is gone in March & no issues because it's written in their contract - I have a paragraph in the contract itself that spells out the aging out process so nobody can bitch they are getting bumped for a younger child
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daycare 08:38 AM 01-25-2016
not to sound like a broken record, Ft trumps PT

what does your contract say?

Does it say anywhere that if a full time child should enroll that you may be bumped?
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Unregistered 05:43 PM 01-25-2016
We are full time at the day care and there is nothing stating anything in the contract about bumping people out. We really do like her, so hopefully we can work something out.
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Blackcat31 06:39 PM 01-25-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
We are full time at the day care and there is nothing stating anything in the contract about bumping people out. We really do like her, so hopefully we can work something out.
Have you tried to talk with her about any of this?

My advice would be to bring it up, let her know you are feeling a bit confused about the situation. If she has a legit reason Im sure she'll gladly explain.

I often times forget that the parent's perception/perspective is totally opposite mine. Things that are a given to me might make no sense to a parent.

Call her or e-mail her. Dont bring it up at drop off or pick up. No ones kid needs to over hear an adult conversation.
Just be honest about your questions and feelings about this and hopefully she'll reciprocate.

If not, you'll be aware of the fact that there may be a break in your relationship.
Relationships change all the time for lots of different reasons.

I'd rather ask, be answered and move on accordingly then stressing and taking no action.
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Thriftylady 06:51 PM 01-25-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Have you tried to talk with her about any of this?

My advice would be to bring it up, let her know you are feeling a bit confused about the situation. If she has a legit reason Im sure she'll gladly explain.

I often times forget that the parent's perception/perspective is totally opposite mine. Things that are a given to me might make no sense to a parent.

Call her or e-mail her. Dont bring it up at drop off or pick up. No ones kid needs to over hear an adult conversation.
Just be honest about your questions and feelings about this and hopefully she'll reciprocate.

If not, you'll be aware of the fact that there may be a break in your relationship.
Relationships change all the time for lots of different reasons.

I'd rather ask, be answered and move on accordingly then stressing and taking no action.
I agree with this. I tell all of my parents that there are not many issues we can't solve with communication, but if we don't communicate we will have nothing but problems. I would do as BC said and call her and talk to her about it. Tell her you really like her, but you don't understand what has happened. Like BC said, she will either have a very good reason, or you will find your relationship isn't so great with her.
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Play Care 03:23 AM 01-26-2016
I think the provider is being wishy washy and I'd be annoyed.
Yes, we only have so many spots. But someone who is "in" the spot should keep it and not be "bumped" unless the provider has specific policies (i.e.: FT trumping PT, not being a SA provider, etc) that cover it. In which case she would let the family go, not try to skirt regulations.

Maybe the OP's child is difficult for the provider or she has some issue with the OP, and is hoping this will make them move out of her DC. It still points to being wishy washy and I'm too type A for that.
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Mad_Pistachio 06:52 AM 01-26-2016
um, I'd pull for good.

here's why: you found a provier that your child is attached to, and now this provider is asking you to take your child to some other person s/he doesn't know. s/he may get attached to that other person (say you have to use someone else for 4-6 months, for example), and then you are dragging the kiddo out and returning to your previous provider.
honestly, as a child, would you like that being done to you?

so, yeah, I'd just leave.
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Blackcat31 07:30 AM 01-26-2016
Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio:
um, I'd pull for good.

here's why: you found a provier that your child is attached to, and now this provider is asking you to take your child to some other person s/he doesn't know. s/he may get attached to that other person (say you have to use someone else for 4-6 months, for example), and then you are dragging the kiddo out and returning to your previous provider.
honestly, as a child, would you like that being done to you?

so, yeah, I'd just leave.
Without talking to the provider?

I think there is ONLY one side of the story being presented here and we (readers) have NO idea how many details have been left out, misinterpreted, altered or just presented from the parent's perspectives...... that I HIGHLY doubt we are privvy to the WHOLE truth.

I advised communication with the provider and I still think that is the right thing to do. We, as providers push open communication so I think it's vital in this situation.

The OP's kid might be a really tough kid to manage, the OP may not be the best payer and pay inconsistently or she may drop her kid off with a dripping snot nose regularly......who knows why the provider is doing what she's doing but the best and easiest way to find out is to COMMUNICATE with her. (I'm not yelling )
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mommyneedsadayoff 08:02 AM 01-26-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My child's daycare provider asked to see if I could have someone else watch her. The reason being she had a new baby coming to daycare and she would be over the limit because of the age limits. It would be for a few months;until one of the other kids has a birthday. Is this normal practice?
I would just talk to her about it too. Did she ask to see if you can find other arrangements or did she tell you to find other arrangments? The difference being that she may have thought you had more options than the other family so she might be just checking to see if it is possible, not necessarily kicking you to the curb, kwim? Just email her and ask
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happymom 08:51 AM 01-26-2016
I want to chime in because I have been in a spot similar to this before where I absolutely loved a provider and had been with her over 3 years.

My provider had to make a choice and basically chose another family over mine---I was having a second child whom she told me would have a spot in her daycare, but then she went back and changed her mind because she didn't want a young infant. I ended up changing care providers for both kids-- and she replaced my 3 year old with a 4 month old infant! It just didn't make sense.

It was hurtful to me, as we had all developed such a tight relationship over the years. I'm tearing up as I write this because we truly miss her so much, she was a huge part of our lives and now we don't see her often.

I wish I could say it was for the best, but if she would have my family back I would go back in a heartbeat! I wish now that I would have kept my 3 year old with her and found different care for the baby temporarily, because I know she will never have two spots open at once. It's really hard, it was one of the biggest decisions I ever made and I try not to take it personally. I really regret leaving though. Good child care is hard to find.
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happymom 09:06 AM 01-26-2016
And honestly, when it comes down to it, contracts shouldn't matter.

This is about a very personal relationship. While it's easy to say "what this provider has done is unfair" and -- and while it may be unfair, and it hurts, and I get it, but give it thought. Don't be too quick to walk out just because it hurts. Your provider probably wishes she wasn't in this position -- maybe you end up loving the temporary care you find and you end up staying. But maybe you don't and you want to come back. Ultimately, you need to hold the cards. If you end up deciding not to come back to her, that's okay. But if you love her, try to keep that door open, try to find a way to make it work. I wish I had.
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Unregistered 03:19 PM 01-26-2016
Just wanted to update you all on what's going on. I did talk to my daycare provider and she was very understanding when I said I was unable to have someone else watch my daughter. She said she was going to have to figure something else out. I agree that you have to have open communication on both sides. I want to thank all of you for your advice. I really appreciated it.
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Mad_Pistachio 05:52 PM 01-26-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Without talking to the provider?
No, I'd talk, but if her idea was to have us temporarily relocated, I would pull. She is trying to balance her business, I get that. In this case, I have my child's best interest in mind, and dragging her from provider to provider to accomodate someone else's convenience is not in her best intetest.
We have this thing in my language when we label a person based on a profession or lifestyle. Some mothers, being a little too carried away with commitment to their children, are named "cuzuhmamom" (causr I'm a mom). Cuzuhmamom in me is getting up against messing with my child's routine and attachment. Cuzuhmamom, ya know?

Glad to see that it was all resolved in a civil manner.

I worked in a family that switched nannies every 4-6 months so kids won't get used to one. Well, at least they have each other (there were 8 last time I saw them).
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Blackcat31 07:03 PM 01-26-2016
Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio:
No, I'd talk, but if her idea was to have us temporarily relocated, I would pull. She is trying to balance her business, I get that. In this case, I have my child's best interest in mind, and dragging her from provider to provider to accomodate someone else's convenience is not in her best intetest.
We have this thing in my language when we label a person based on a profession or lifestyle. Some mothers, being a little too carried away with commitment to their children, are named "cuzuhmamom" (causr I'm a mom). Cuzuhmamom in me is getting up against messing with my child's routine and attachment. Cuzuhmamom, ya know?

Glad to see that it was all resolved in a civil manner.

I worked in a family that switched nannies every 4-6 months so kids won't get used to one. Well, at least they have each other (there were 8 last time I saw them).
I see what your saying. I was and in some ways still similar but I deeply believe continuity of care (thanks to open honest communication ) trumps a mom's instintive need to play Mama Bear.

ETA: OP I too am happy to hear you were able to successfully talk with your provider.
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Mad_Pistachio 06:05 AM 01-27-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I see what your saying. I was and in some ways still similar but I deeply believe continuity of care (thanks to open honest communication ) trumps a mom's instintive need to play Mama Bear.
the key word here is continuity, and, as I said, if the verdict upon an open conversation was temporarily relocation for me, this relocation would be permanent. because continuity, yeah. cuzuhmamom ain't draggin' her kid from person to person in the name of another person's convenience or to save someone else's business. (mind you, it's her job to run her business, and she can do that all she wants... without me. with a bunny (c) - old Russian cartoon.)

about 99 times out of 100, I would be on the side of the provider: we, parents, can be SUCH a pain in the rear end, it's ridiculous. this is that one time when my reaction was, "what? no. bye." again, cuzuhmamom.
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Blackcat31 06:19 AM 01-27-2016
Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio:
the key word here is continuity, and, as I said, if the verdict upon an open conversation was temporarily relocation for me, this relocation would be permanent. because continuity, yeah. cuzuhmamom ain't draggin' her kid from person to person in the name of another person's convenience or to save someone else's business. (mind you, it's her job to run her business, and she can do that all she wants... without me. with a bunny (c) - old Russian cartoon.)

about 99 times out of 100, I would be on the side of the provider: we, parents, can be SUCH a pain in the rear end, it's ridiculous. this is that one time when my reaction was, "what? no. bye." again, cuzuhmamom.
To each their own.

As a provider, the whole "MY child" line of thinking is THE number one reason parents are tough to work with.
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rosieteddy 06:55 AM 01-27-2016
I agree with madpistachio on this.This is exactly why I chose to retire last year.When I had the heart attack all the children were cared for by a nanny at a parents home.This was a short term solution.After my hospital stay and treatments there were to many Dr.appointments at first.The parents needed to find back up care for at least 1 month. I thought that was a long time for the children to get used to new provider ,new children and not be together. I think its harder for children than some think.They miss their old situation and just settle down in a new one then back to original provider and group.Thats a lot for anyone. If provider asks you to find other care then I would find a permanent new childcare.
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Mad_Pistachio 08:21 AM 01-27-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
As a provider, the whole "MY child" line of thinking is THE number one reason parents are tough to work with.
I fully realize that "my child" philosophy can go too far. I also realize that the "I know better" on the side of the provider can go too far. this transfer situation is, for me, going too far on the side of the provider who knows better.
I know the provider has probably more experience and a better expertise that I do (if I take my nanny experience out of equation, I only know one child - mine - and the DCP knows... well, probably close to a thousand different ones). which is why it is surprising that she may not understand that jumping from one provider to another is not good for a child. any child, not just mine.

I lost count how many times I've seen the "term on the spot" written here on this forum (I read, I rarely answer cause I am not qualified to for most of the stuff). this is the very first time when I did the same, only on the side of the parent, and voila: I get grief about it. oops.
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Blackcat31 08:44 AM 01-27-2016
Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio:
I fully realize that "my child" philosophy can go too far. I also realize that the "I know better" on the side of the provider can go too far. this transfer situation is, for me, going too far on the side of the provider who knows better.
I know the provider has probably more experience and a better expertise that I do (if I take my nanny experience out of equation, I only know one child - mine - and the DCP knows... well, probably close to a thousand different ones). which is why it is surprising that she may not understand that jumping from one provider to another is not good for a child. any child, not just mine.

I lost count how many times I've seen the "term on the spot" written here on this forum (I read, I rarely answer cause I am not qualified to for most of the stuff). this is the very first time when I did the same, only on the side of the parent, and voila: I get grief about it. oops.


My comments were directed towards OP and based on OP's situation and the details she provided and omitted while relaying her specific story.

I wasn't commenting on any one else's beliefs, situations or personal experiences. I replied to you only when you shared a personal experience. If that somehow offended you, my apologies as that was not my intent. Again, my replies in this thread were based on the original post which was apparently easily solved with a simple conversation similar to what I advised in the first place.

I never once mentioned anything such "term" or "pull your child" so not sure where that comes into play.
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Mad_Pistachio 09:04 AM 01-27-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I replied to you only when you shared a personal experience. If that somehow offended you, my apologies as that was not my intent.

I never once mentioned anything such "term" or "pull your child" so not sure where that comes into play.
and if I made you feel attacked or belittled by what I wrote, I apologize as well. that was not the intention.
the whole situation OP found herself in rubbed me deeply against the fur (no pun intended), and not many things can.

as for the "term," this is just something I seem to read a lot here on the forum in general. never wanted to argue with those because, as I already said, I am not qualified for most of the conversations happening. well, not yet, anyway
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Thriftylady 09:10 AM 01-27-2016
Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio:
and if I made you feel attacked or belittled by what I wrote, I apologize as well. that was not the intention.
the whole situation OP found herself in rubbed me deeply against the fur (no pun intended), and not many things can.

as for the "term," this is just something I seem to read a lot here on the forum in general. never wanted to argue with those because, as I already said, I am not qualified for most of the conversations happening. well, not yet, anyway
Not to hijack the thread, but many times we have to term. How would you feel if your child was being bitten or hit on a daily basis? You would want me to term that child NOW. Same goes for non-payment really. If a parent doesn't pay on time it takes from the funds I have to spend on all children (including yours) for food and supplies. Often times we have not choice but to term right away for the good of the group. It is group care, not nanny care when only one families children is affected.
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Blackcat31 09:22 AM 01-27-2016
Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio:
and if I made you feel attacked or belittled by what I wrote, I apologize as well. that was not the intention.
the whole situation OP found herself in rubbed me deeply against the fur (no pun intended), and not many things can.

as for the "term," this is just something I seem to read a lot here on the forum in general. never wanted to argue with those because, as I already said, I am not qualified for most of the conversations happening. well, not yet, anyway
No harm, no foul.

I did not feel attacked at all, just felt as though the topic was getting really broad and as if my thoughts were being mis-interpreted so I wanted to clarify that my responses were based on the specific issue in the original post and that I was not trying to relay those thoughts feelings into other (your) situations.

Text is difficult to read. It lacks ALL of those things I believe are vital for proper communication.

On a side note, please don't ever feel you aren't "qualified" to give a response..... I think this forum is FULL of different perspectives and last time I checked, there were no required trainings or qualifications to have a perspective.

Different perspectives, opinions and thoughts are truly educational for everyone NO MATTER how long you've been in this business and NO MATTER what role you play in this field.
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Mad_Pistachio 09:45 AM 01-27-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
Not to hijack the thread, but many times we have to term. How would you feel if your child was being bitten or hit on a daily basis? You would want me to term that child NOW. Same goes for non-payment really. If a parent doesn't pay on time it takes from the funds I have to spend on all children (including yours) for food and supplies. Often times we have not choice but to term right away for the good of the group. It is group care, not nanny care when only one families children is affected.
*waves her hand*
oh, I get that, trust me. some things I read make me wonder how a provider lasted that long (I also wonder why, but this is an easy one: because she cares for the child and tried to work it all out until the last drop). you are right: it is group care, and some things may have to happen that normally would not at home or with a nanny.

my daughter's group has a special needs boy who likes to hit (communication issues, I guess: trying to say something with his hands). for the most part, kids already know that Jimmy will be Jimmy, and what are you going to do... she cried when I picked her up on Monday because he hit her. I just shrugged: hey, kids hit. if I'm told she doesn't, I won't believe it. it's a rough world we sent you out to, and we all have to deal with it. report him to the authorities (i.e. tell Ms. Moosy on him), rinse and repeat.
it doesn't happen at home cause we don't have a Jimmy, but it's inevitable at a daycare or school. shake off, move on. may Jimmy be your biggest problem.
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