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  #1  
Old 04-16-2017, 09:04 PM
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Default Used Babysitter Via Babysitting Service And Kids Got Hurt

I'm sorry for the long message in advance but I need advice. I have lurked on this message forum for several years now and love the advice I've seen the ladies on this forum give. I'm hoping you can help me here. I have 6 children who range in age from 13 to 22 months. 3 years ago I needs a babysitter when we went away on vacation so I contacted a babysitting agency and was put in touch with a sitter from the agency named Donna. I had 5 kids at the time. Donna came and was great with the kids. I used her several times that year and then the next two years and actually hired her away from the babysitting agency. This was per her suggestion because she didn't want to have to split the proceeds with her boss. This was a singly owned babysitting company with one owner. Anyhow, last October I came down to Florida with just my baby and used her and she didn't even help with my baby yet expected to be paid. It was my fault at that time for not speaking up. I had s convention to do which was cancelled due to a hurricane but I was using her as a Mother's helper yet she never helped me with my son. She came to Disney with us yet had her husband just push her around in a wheelchair while I paid her by the hour and I watched my son and paid her meals and she did nothing to help him. I shrugged it off because the weekend was a bust. So fast forward to this vacation I had all of my children with me and the first night she comes with us to the hotel and there was an issue with our hotel and I'm looking to her to watch my baby while I solve it and she's just watching him run around in the lobby and do nothing. She's expecting my older kids to watch him. I'm
Paying her to do that! I had to ask her to change him! Then then the following night I left to run an errand and she took the kids swimming. My 11 year old daughter doesn't swim fully yet and went out too deep and was going under water and my 5 year old was screaming to her that she was going under water but Donna was just smoking s cigarette and ignoring her completely. Thankfully my daughter managed to save herself and get to the edge and get out. She was all right. But my 7 year old also does not swim and he did drown and was completely underneath the water. My other son saw this and jumped in because Donna again was not paying attention and would not listen to their cries. My son grew up all over her afterwards. Then she proceeds to takenmy 22 month old in the hot tub and dunk his head underneath the water. I am just absolutely furious over this. I know my children are not lying or making this up I googled the companies name and there are other allegations and issues that have come up. How do I proceed here? I'm so thankful that my children are ok and nothing more serious happened but Donna certainly never said anything and I know she had no intention of telling me unless she had to. I was planning on using her the rest of the time we were here but have made up excuses as to why we have not and she is furious at me but I will not and cannot put my children in harms way like that. We were friends as well and this is what has me so angry over this I do not understand how she could do this. She claims to have cared about my children but I felt like it was all a guise. I was only paying her as a friend to hang out with me so to speak of you get my drift. My children could've been seriously injured.
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Old 04-16-2017, 11:38 PM
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I know it feels scary to think of your children in danger.... count your blessings all are okay.

About your employee: She is not a sitter thru an agency if you did not go thru an agency this time.... so your post title is a bit misleading and you have no recourse thru the sitter agency.

With regard to the first time, your agreement was childcare while you were at a conference and that was canceled due to no fault of the sitter. I would have still paid her but I also would have used her to care for my child and would have outlined what that meant.

With regard to this trip, you do not trust her with your children so I would not leave her with the children unsupervised and continue to use her as a Mother's Helper..... or just cut ties.
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Old 04-17-2017, 06:35 AM
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Thank you. Would you bother saying anything to her because she's texting me fruious that she was supposed to work yesterday when nothing was committed no time or anything and I don't feel under any obligation to and I feel she really put my children in danger. My friend says she was representing the agency she worked for essentially and that's why I should report it through them because she was charging their rates and all fees that the agency charged. She was very lazy. She charged $18 an hour to do nothing and my children could've drowned in that pool and then what would she have said to me? It wasn't her fault?
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Old 04-17-2017, 08:18 AM
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First, I would report to the agency. Expect to be fired as a client for hiring behind their backs, and do NOT expect support from them. They are not liable for what happened. You and the sitter went behind their backs to hire the sitter outside of her job. I'd report so that they can decide whether to continue her employment (I'm sure they won't, knowing that she used her position to essentially steal one of the agency's customers).

I'm confused as to why you would continue to hire someone who has shown you multiple times that they are not capable of watching your children. When you hire someone who is not capable or just being negligent, the responsibility comes back to YOU-you are the one who continued to hire this person. Your friend is WRONG about her representing the agency-she was not working for the agency when this happened.

And the pool? Why would you let someone who was in a wheelchair supervise your children at a pool? Why would you let someone who has proven incapable in the past supervise your children at a pool? What I see from your first post is that you have made the mistake of hiring this person who does NOT take care of your children in your presence. WHAT IN THE HECK do you think happens when you are NOT present?

I'm sorry to say this, but the person at fault here is YOU. This babysitter has shown you that she is not trustworthy multiple times and you keep entrusting her with your children over and over.
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Old 04-17-2017, 09:04 AM
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The issue here is that the woman represented herself as someone who works for the agency. She then used the agency logo, fees etc. Stealing from them, in essence, service.
The agency still allows her to advertise and they represent her. They need to let her go. If there is NO knowledge of outside hiring, maybe legal responsibility is not on them. If they know or allow for it, and still represent she is a good fit for child care, then they ARE somewhat responsible. U would need to prove they either allow or have knowledge that outside arrangements are made. Some agencies only do an initial matching while others expect to be full service. U need to find out what exactly the agency does and doesn't do.

Then it sounds like op let some very small things go. Sometimes, we want to give people a second chance. Cancellation- not fault of sitter - not a red flag. Letting a child run around in a lobby isn't "dangerous" in it of itself. The having to be asked to round up the child is annoying, again not dangerous. However, these are just small red flags one doesn't see, especially if the kids like the sitter. It is very easy to let those small things slide. Leigh was being somewhat harsh as none of the prior things u posted hinted that the woman was placing kids in danger. Laziness bc mom is THERE is not exactly cause to believe that the sitter will be automatically neglectful. Some people believe if the parent is right there, the parent has the primary obligation to step in, especially if no start time was given. At this point, we only know the sitter was present--- not on the job yet. Maybe the sitter needed to be told " ok the clock starts at the hotel" I would expect to be told this so I know how to charge. Not enough info in the post to know when the clock started. Hindsight...that's what all this is.
But this pool incident is 100% VERY MUCH a reason never to bring the children back to her. U need to TELL her the truth. Don't make up excuses, just straight call her out. She may deny it she may not and think its no biggie as nothing happened, but u need to make sure she knows it IS a big deal. U also need to report her to cps sp she doesn't do this to someone else's kids.

Sorry this happened op this sucks.
Now u got to make sure that u take action.
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Old 04-17-2017, 09:51 AM
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"I used her several times that year and then the next two years and actually hired her away from the babysitting agency. "

"She came to Disney with us yet had her husband just push her around in a wheelchair while I paid her by the hour and I watched my son and paid her meals and she did nothing to help him. I shrugged it off because the weekend was a bust."

"fast forward to this vacation; then the following night; I was planning on using her the rest of the time we were here; We were friends; I was only paying her as a friend to hang out with me so to speak of you get my drift."


Buyer beware. You knew who she was and how she worked. I'd recommend ending the relationship now by telling her the truth. In the future use Floridas CCR&R http://www.myflfamilies.com/service-programs/child-care to better research your childcare providers.
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  #7  
Old 04-17-2017, 10:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
The issue here is that the woman represented herself as someone who works for the agency. She then used the agency logo, fees etc. Stealing from them, in essence, service. How do you know that she used the agency logo, etc. to advertise?


The agency still allows her to advertise and they represent her. How do you know this?They need to let her go. If there is NO knowledge of outside hiring, maybe legal responsibility is not on them. If they know or allow for it, and still represent she is a good fit for child care, then they ARE somewhat responsible. U would need to prove they either allow or have knowledge that outside arrangements are made. Some agencies only do an initial matching while others expect to be full service. U need to find out what exactly the agency does and doesn't do.

Then it sounds like op let some very small things go. Sometimes, we want to give people a second chance. Cancellation- not fault of sitter - not a red flag. Letting a child run around in a lobby isn't "dangerous" in it of itself. The having to be asked to round up the child is annoying, again not dangerous. However, these are just small red flags one doesn't see, especially if the kids like the sitter. It is very easy to let those small things slide. Leigh was being somewhat harsh as none of the prior things u posted hinted that the woman was placing kids in danger. Someone who refuses to watch the children, expects older children to care for younger ones,
doesn't make a single move to care for the children they are being paid for? That sounds like they'd be in danger being left alone with this person to me.
Laziness bc mom is THERE is not exactly cause to believe that the sitter will be automatically neglectful. Some people believe if the parent is right there, the parent has the primary obligation to step in, especially if no start time was given. At this point, we only know the sitter was present--- not on the job yet. Maybe the sitter needed to be told " ok the clock starts at the hotel" Wouldn't an employee expect to be on the clock as soon as they start getting paid? I would expect to be told this so I know how to charge. Not enough info in the post to know when the clock started. Hindsight...that's what all this is.
But this pool incident is 100% VERY MUCH a reason never to bring the children back to her. U need to TELL her the truth. Don't make up excuses, just straight call her out. She may deny it she may not and think its no biggie as nothing happened, but u need to make sure she knows it IS a big deal. U also need to report her to cps sp she doesn't do this to someone else's kids.

Sorry this happened op this sucks.
Now u got to make sure that u take action.
I responded in red.
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Old 04-17-2017, 01:59 PM
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Leigh

I'm not sure what information you're going off of but she was only using a wheel chair once because she couldn't walk around the theme park all day due to being so overweight. That's the first thing. I think you're reading into things too much. Secondly she mentions her agency every time we talk or have anything to do. They are a part of every conversation. And yes I did let some very small things go that I should not have done. My fault I do take responsibility for that. And she never showed me any of this really before this trip. The last trip I let things do like I said the theme park incident with the wheelchair because it was just my baby and things were out of sorts with the hurricane and all. And she has never shown my multiple times before this that she is incapable of watching my children. She isn't wheelchair bound constantly. She is able bodied and walks just fine. It's only when we went to Disney world that one time she needed the chair because she didn't feel like walking and was lazy. And had I known any of this would happen I never would've left her with my children but thanks for saying this is all my fault. I did text her today after she texted me and said that she thought she was supposed to work for me last night when we didn't have any such plans in place and told her what my children said had transpired and she denied all of it. Said everything was a flat out lie and that I had issues and how dare I accuse her of anything that she has never had one complaint against her before.
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Old 04-17-2017, 02:32 PM
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Cut ties. Immediately. I wouldn't give her any wiggle room to manipulate your thinking or make threats or anything.
I agree with some of what Leigh says. I would email her, telling her the work relationship is over, immediately, and further response from her will be considered harassment. Not sure what the issue was between you two, maybe huge lack of communication on somebody's part? I don't know. But you did allow her to take advantage for awhile without speaking up so she continued to take full advantage of her easy money situation.
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Old 04-17-2017, 02:51 PM
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Thanks yes I have cut ties already and our relationship is over. Yes some of what Leigh says is true but I will not be manipulated anymore I will not allow her to watch my children again.
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Old 04-17-2017, 10:24 PM
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Answering Leigh

The op said that the sitter was found off an agency site. I assume OP is NOT her only client and thereby would also assume (likely) the woman didn't just stop advertising. I bet if I had all the info, I would see she is STILL advertising under the agency. This is derived from common sense knowledge. Could I be wrong? Sure. But I hired a nanny online who I found via an agency and the woman nannied for me pt and for another family pt. She also used the agency name to advertise for weekend and date night babysitting on the side.

Second, in Germany, a mother's helper is just that. The nanny allowed me mom to step in and just assisted me as requested. She had a start and stop time. Sometimes she came early. She did NOT get extra pay for being early unless she physically began working early.

I don't think the op used a typical daycare like you all are, rather a mother's helper/nanny situation and in my experience, things are done very differently in different places and depending on customs and cultures of each nanny, there were many differences there too.

The op shld never have let all the little things slide, but she didn't pay the sitter to neglect her kids, I am sure.

I know I have had bad luck and great luck with various sitters/nannies/helpers and daycares. I'm glad I don't need to worry about it anymore. This day in age, it is hard to trust anyone and when u do and u get snowed, you also get judged for BEING snowed and missing signs of all the things that "shouldatoldya" something was wrong. Well don't we parents have it hard enough trying to juggle this thing called parenting?

This is kind of why parents don't like to pay in advance btw. Stuff like this. Not only do u gotta worry about abuse/neglect issues, but also of providers not doing their jobs/laziness/etc...

Most caregivers are fine but when u have trusted one that ISN'T fine, you begin to doubt everyone.

Op- no matter what happens, u still need to report it. Very important for other kids'sakes.
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Old 04-18-2017, 01:43 PM
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Thank you to the last poster. Yes in many ways she was acting as a mothers helper to me and yes I did let things slide and like I said I shouldn't have done that. I trusted too easily. But I had no idea she would neglect my children when I entrusted them in her care and then completely deny everything. And no I'm not her only client and she has many clients away from the agency she works for. I believe she can likely start her own agency almost but couldn't likely get licensed or something is stopping her. And yes at times she was a mothers helper and at times a babysitter which is what she was the night the pool incident occurred.
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