Anyone Ever Have A "Rage Baby" Turn Around?

[Heidi]

Ok..."rage baby" or "high need baby", or however you feel about it...

Has anyone ever had one that actually got better?

I want to hear a nice story about someone who had a high-need infant, and that you carried him around in a backpack or attached him like a sack of potatoes (lol)...or that you sat him firmly in his pnp and said "learn to cope, baby"....

....and that infant is now a 25 year old genius neonatal neurologist or cancer researcher or something...perfectly content and well-adjusted after that first horrendous year....

[cheerfuldom]

I'd like to know this as well.

The one screamer that I let go, was termed after I had her for almost a full year. I never had much success with her but was told she chilled out a bit at her new daycare. This was a much larger ratio (closer to 20 kids) with one or two teachers and I know for a fact that one of the teachers was quite....strict. as in, no super affectionate. maybe this girl finally gave up or maybe what I heard was not even true.

my other screamer, I still have. She is almost 3 and does so much better now. However, she is still what I call "high maintenance". She does not do free range/free play very well at all and it usually ends in tears of some sort. I think in this case, I have just known her long enough to know what she can handle and what she cant. If I know she cant handle an activity, I put her right by me the whole time and she is fine. She doesnt need anything per se, she just cant handle the freedom and stimulation that the other kids can.

I had one rage baby that was termed and her mom ended up going thru a couple daycares and then watching kids herself, just to stay home with this baby. She seemed semi fine at home, just not at all capable of handling daycare well.

Those are the ones that I can think of that were the most challenging babies I have had.

[MyAngels]

I'm not even sure that I know what a "rage baby" is, or even if there really is such a thing.

I've had several babies over the years who screamed, cried and carried on, but it was never for months on end. They've always come around eventually and I've never termed for it. I guess I just figure they'll outgrow all that crying, and luckily so far they have.

The one that I remember being the most difficult as a baby turned into a wonderful, sweet and talkative little girl - one of my favorites of all time as a matter of fact.

I honestly don't know how you ladies handle these babies that you talk about here (I'm thinking you must have the patience of saints ), and I thank my lucky stars that I've never had one here.

[MizzCheryl]

I had a baby that had a cleft lip and would not suck a bottle. He screamed and cried for months. I would up wearing him alot. I would have to run a vaccum to get him to sleep. He screamed and screamed. Then at about 10 to 12 months old he a became one of the best kids I ever had. Would laugh and play and was awesome. Would get up from lunch and crawl up on his cot and nap and wake up a sweetie. I started him at 5 monthes right after his lip surgery. It took him a while but I really loved that little guy.

[Michael]

Originally Posted by MyAngels

I'm not even sure that I know what a "rage baby" is, or even if there really is such a thing.

Oh yeah, there is such a thing. Here are a few:

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Heidi

Ok..."rage baby" or "high need baby", or however you feel about it...

Has anyone ever had one that actually got better?

I want to hear a nice story about someone who had a high-need infant, and that you carried him around in a backpack or attached him like a sack of potatoes (lol)...or that you sat him firmly in his pnp and said "learn to cope, baby"....

....and that infant is now a 25 year old genius neonatal neurologist or cancer researcher or something...perfectly content and well-adjusted after that first horrendous year....

Okay all I have for a feel good story is my own DS. He was the epitome of a high needs/rage baby. I wanted 4 kids at the very least....I have 2. He is my youngest. I was terrified I would or could get another one like him. My marriage, my other child and my own sanity could not have endured another one.

He stopped being a high needs kid when around age.....well I didn't really notice a large significant change at the time but looking back now, i ahve to say he changed around his teen years.

Fast forward to today.....he is 21 years old and a model citizen. He is a super hard worker, great work ethic. Kind of a loner. Very "old soul" but incredibly intelligent. He has a really high IQ and was mistakenly labeled with Asperger's and autism at one point. He was also labeled as ADD and ADHD too but just never really fit into the descriptions enough that anyone (myself, my DH, my pediatrician, and or my son's therapist) felt comfortable with it.

He is by all means a wonderful caring adult. He is still somewhat of a loner and prefers books and the History channel over interacting with people. When he does socialize, it is always with people older than he is. He lacks any type of sense of humor as he is a very logical and analytical based thinker. No creative skills what so ever and anything that doesn't have a purpose or a point is useless in his eyes.

He has never tried or wanted to try alcohol or drugs and has NEVER had a rebellious streak in him or experienced any of the other normal teen type behaviors.

I don't know if that is a feel good story or not but for me it definitely is as I once believed that he would never make it in the world with the start he had in life. I thought that if he spent the first few years being so miserable and ornery (words we used often to describe him from infancy-early childhood) that he would just never have anything positive in life.

But like I said, somewhere in his teen years when others were suffering through body changes and raging hormones, he was slowly becoming less needy and a whole lot calmer. I have no clue why and can only tell DS's story as I know it but like I said, that is the only happy story I got.

[youretooloud]

I've had babies who wanted more than other babies. The ones who cried more, were not as social as others and were generally more demanding. They do get better, although their general temperament stays the same. They are nice, happy kids who don't need too much time or attention. They all become self sufficient and learn to entertain themselves by 12-ish months. (give or take, and allowing for new stages)

I've had ONE who was so over the top that high needs didn't even fit. (I hate the term rage baby, and think it's a terrible word) Anyway... this child never turned around. This child is a generally unhappy tantrumy, miserable child. The parents have tried everything, and are beginning to give up. I gave up a long time ago.

....and that infant is now a 25 year old genius neonatal neurologist or cancer researcher or something...perfectly content and well-adjusted after that first horrendous year....

This is what we hope for for the above kid I spoke about. We keep saying "Well, maybe we are dealing with an antisocial genius who will change the world". One can hope.

[Breezy]

I had one in 2010 that cried all day long. Didn't sleep. And I cared for her again last year as a toddler and her newborn sister and she was sweet as pie!!

[Heidi]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

Okay all I have for a feel good story is my own DS. He was the epitome of a high needs/rage baby. I wanted 4 kids at the very least....I have 2. He is my youngest. I was terrified I would or could get another one like him. My marriage, my other child and my own sanity could not have endured another one.

He stopped being a high needs kid when around age.....well I didn't really notice a large significant change at the time but looking back now, i ahve to say he changed around his teen years.

Fast forward to today.....he is 21 years old and a model citizen. He is a super hard worker, great work ethic. Kind of a loner. Very "old soul" but incredibly intelligent. He has a really high IQ and was mistakenly labeled with Asperger's and autism at one point. He was also labeled as ADD and ADHD too but just never really fit into the descriptions enough that anyone (myself, my DH, my pediatrician, and or my son's therapist) felt comfortable with it.

He is by all means a wonderful caring adult. He is still somewhat of a loner and prefers books and the History channel over interacting with people. When he does socialize, it is always with people older than he is. He lacks any type of sense of humor as he is a very logical and analytical based thinker. No creative skills what so ever and anything that doesn't have a purpose or a point is useless in his eyes.

He has never tried or wanted to try alcohol or drugs and has NEVER had a rebellious streak in him or experienced any of the other normal teen type behaviors.

I don't know if that is a feel good story or not but for me it definitely is as I once believed that he would never make it in the world with the start he had in life. I thought that if he spent the first few years being so miserable and ornery (words we used often to describe him from infancy-early childhood) that he would just never have anything positive in life.

But like I said, somewhere in his teen years when others were suffering through body changes and raging hormones, he was slowly becoming less needy and a whole lot calmer. I have no clue why and can only tell DS's story as I know it but like I said, that is the only happy story I got.

Thanks, Cat, it sounds like your son's name is Sheldon!

All of my kids are "quirky", but then, so am I! No "high need" ones though...so I did have 4.

[MyAngels]

Originally Posted by Michael

Oh yeah, there is such a thing. Here are a few:

(Though come to think of it, I wonder what ol' Mel was like as a baby...)

[Hunni Bee]

We have one now I think. She's 17 months old though...

Bloodcurdling, angry screams if things aren't going her way. I mean, bloodcurdling...I don't think I've heard anything like it, as a kid's regular cry.

Today she was standing at the door screaming to high heaven...because she wanted to play outside. She loves outside. Sorry, kiddo, its 106 degrees. We can have lots of fun inside though ...

...no.

We're kind of stumped here, because she's too young for consequences but she uses screaming to achieve her goals....

[Childminder]

I have one that is 3.5 and has cried everyday, very loudly, since she started October 21, 2011. At least she only now cries for an hour or two instead of for the entire 8-9 hours her mom is gone. The other kids hate her and I'm not too crazy about her either.

As far as a rage baby I guess in 40+ years of caring for other peoples kids I never had one. Some are more needy than others but none that I worried about like you mention. I had/do have three or four that I said were sociopathic or psychopathic and will end up in jail or juvie and two have.

[cheerfuldom]

Originally Posted by Childminder

I have one that is 3.5 and has cried everyday, very loudly, since she started October 21, 2011. At least she only now cries for an hour or two instead of for the entire 8-9 hours her mom is gone. The other kids hate her and I'm not too crazy about her either.

As far as a rage baby I guess in 40+ years of caring for other peoples kids I never had one. Some are more needy than others but none that I worried about like you mention. I had/do have three or four that I said were sociopathic or psychopathic and will end up in jail or juvie and two have.

wow, that much crying for getting close to a year? yesh, dont envy you on that one.

I do know one 6 year old that is creepy and manipulative on a scary level and I am scared of her, not going to lie (not my daycare kid! just someone I know). It is very unsettling to be around her and I wonder what she will be like as a grown up. I know her aunt is very manipulative and uncaring and selfish, also to a creepy degree so maybe it is some sort of genetic thing?

[Heidi]

Originally Posted by Michael

Oh yeah, there is such a thing. Here are a few:

That baby picture cracks me up....what a face! As for my screamer, he's not nearly as cute when he's crankin', but he's quite adorable on those few occasions he's happy. sigh...

[Kaddidle Care]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

Fast forward to today.....he is 21 years old and a model citizen. He is a super hard worker, great work ethic. Kind of a loner. Very "old soul" but incredibly intelligent. He has a really high IQ and was mistakenly labeled with Asperger's and autism at one point. He was also labeled as ADD and ADHD too but just never really fit into the descriptions enough that anyone (myself, my DH, my pediatrician, and or my son's therapist) felt comfortable with it.

He is by all means a wonderful caring adult. He is still somewhat of a loner and prefers books and the History channel over interacting with people. When he does socialize, it is always with people older than he is. He lacks any type of sense of humor as he is a very logical and analytical based thinker. No creative skills what so ever and anything that doesn't have a purpose or a point is useless in his eyes.

He has never tried or wanted to try alcohol or drugs and has NEVER had a rebellious streak in him or experienced any of the other normal teen type behaviors.

A lot of what you are describing fits my oldest. Only he was a very good/calm baby. All these diagnosis of Autism/ADD - as someone called it recently "Letter Soup" when it's a very intelligent child do nothing much but ease the Mother's thoughts that she has a problem child and that it was nothing that she did.

I personally think these super bright kids are part alien! Teachers aren't able to handle them because they are more intelligent than they are. They are not cookie cutter kids, they are unique.

My 2nd - oh Lordy - My intense labor/delivery caused me to scream and I swear that's what created his desire to scream. We called him Screamin-Ian! He has always been a very INTENSE kid - All or nothing when it came to playing with toys, etc.

At nearly 11 he is extremely social - polar opposite of my first son. He is not the academic genius that my first son is but he is very good in school behavior wise.

He's a good kid now but I stayed home with him myself because I knew he was too intense for others to watch and wouldn't subject them to this needy child.

I think the screamers need their own person to care for them and group care is too overstimulating for them. Eventually they come into their own with the right parenting.

It just bothers me to hear that there are so many in Daycare.

[AfterSchoolMom]

I don't know how you all put up with these screamers. I wouldn't last a week before I'd be telling the parents it wasn't working out.

[Kiki]

I have a screamer now, he's slowly growing out of it. This thread gives me hope! I really like him when he's not screaming so I don't want to give up yet.

[cheerfuldom]

Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care

A lot of what you are describing fits my oldest. Only he was a very good/calm baby. All these diagnosis of Autism/ADD - as someone called it recently "Letter Soup" when it's a very intelligent child do nothing much but ease the Mother's thoughts that she has a problem child and that it was nothing that she did.

I personally think these super bright kids are part alien! Teachers aren't able to handle them because they are more intelligent than they are. They are not cookie cutter kids, they are unique.

My 2nd - oh Lordy - My intense labor/delivery caused me to scream and I swear that's what created his desire to scream. We called him Screamin-Ian! He has always been a very INTENSE kid - All or nothing when it came to playing with toys, etc.

At nearly 11 he is extremely social - polar opposite of my first son. He is not the academic genius that my first son is but he is very good in school behavior wise.

He's a good kid now but I stayed home with him myself because I knew he was too intense for others to watch and wouldn't subject them to this needy child.

I think the screamers need their own person to care for them and group care is too overstimulating for them. Eventually they come into their own with the right parenting.

It just bothers me to hear that there are so many in Daycare.

yup, this is my second exactly! she is intense to the max. NEVER would have made it in daycare. This is the child we timed for screaming for six solid hours as a newborn. She energetic and physical and all things unfocused. takes a lot of work but at 3, shes doing okay. I never would have inflicted her on a daycare provider though. heck, there was plenty of times where I wanted to throw in the towel and I am her mom!

[Kelly]

I think my daughter would fit that description. I adopted her at age 2. She had previously lived with her biological grandparents where there were so many issues I can't even start telling you, including lots of rage/anger problems (not abuse towards her though), then she had been in a foster home where she was given whatever she wanted the minute she started to scream. She did have some developmental delays and at that point she wasn't walking yet. She would have terrible screaming fits that lasted hours, would bang her head on the floor, bite and pinch herself or anyone else who came near her, except me. She was even taking mellaril, an anti-psychotic medication. I was told she may never walk or talk and that she couldn't control these tantrums, but I had seen her turn them off instantly when she wanted to.

Luckily, I had a wonderful daycare provider for my 2 sons who agreed to give her a try. We both used the same method of just putting her in a playpen until she stopped screaming. I told the DC provider if it ever got to be too much she could call me and i would come pick her up but she never called me--bless her! When my daughter started in special needs preschool at age 3, they also removed her from the group when she screamed. It was a long process. It probably took a year before the screaming decreased and she improved to the point where I could take her out to the store or a restaurant. Then a few more years of lots of bawling and crying and still some occasional hitting or pinching others. It got better once she started talking more and she started walking when she was 4.

It took a long, long time and there were many days when I didn't know what to do (although I never considered her my "biggest mistake," which is what my dad told everyone she was.) We just tried to be consistent and appreciate the good things about her and very slowly we started to see her blooming.

She is 16 now, very happy and friendly. She still has mild developmental disabilities, ADHD and is possibly on the autism spectrum but it's always been difficult to pin down a diagnosis on her. She is in a special education "Life Skills" class and loves school, participates in several Special Olympics sports and has a lot of friends. She never screams any more and rarely even cries. She wants to be a teacher's aide when she grows up. She talks all the time and laughs a lot.

So many people wrote her off back in her screaming days, including some potential adoptive parents, and I wish they could see her now, see what a joy they missed out on. And as hard as it was, I would do it again.

[Heidi]

Originally Posted by Kelly

I think my daughter would fit that description. I adopted her at age 2. She had previously lived with her biological grandparents where there were so many issues I can't even start telling you, including lots of rage/anger problems (not abuse towards her though), then she had been in a foster home where she was given whatever she wanted the minute she started to scream. She did have some developmental delays and at that point she wasn't walking yet. She would have terrible screaming fits that lasted hours, would bang her head on the floor, bite and pinch herself or anyone else who came near her, except me. She was even taking mellaril, an anti-psychotic medication. I was told she may never walk or talk and that she couldn't control these tantrums, but I had seen her turn them off instantly when she wanted to.

Luckily, I had a wonderful daycare provider for my 2 sons who agreed to give her a try. We both used the same method of just putting her in a playpen until she stopped screaming. I told the DC provider if it ever got to be too much she could call me and i would come pick her up but she never called me--bless her! When my daughter started in special needs preschool at age 3, they also removed her from the group when she screamed. It was a long process. It probably took a year before the screaming decreased and she improved to the point where I could take her out to the store or a restaurant. Then a few more years of lots of bawling and crying and still some occasional hitting or pinching others. It got better once she started talking more and she started walking when she was 4.

It took a long, long time and there were many days when I didn't know what to do (although I never considered her my "biggest mistake," which is what my dad told everyone she was.) We just tried to be consistent and appreciate the good things about her and very slowly we started to see her blooming.

She is 16 now, very happy and friendly. She still has mild developmental disabilities, ADHD and is possibly on the autism spectrum but it's always been difficult to pin down a diagnosis on her. She is in a special education "Life Skills" class and loves school, participates in several Special Olympics sports and has a lot of friends. She never screams any more and rarely even cries. She wants to be a teacher's aide when she grows up. She talks all the time and laughs a lot.

So many people wrote her off back in her screaming days, including some potential adoptive parents, and I wish they could see her now, see what a joy they missed out on. And as hard as it was, I would do it again.

That's just awesome! Thank you for sharing that!!!

[Meeko]

My dad called her "the poison dwarf" when they came to visit. She screamed and cried for the first year of her life unless she was held. She and her parents lived across the road from us. Loved them to death! But they were first time parents and refused to let her do anything on her own. When getting ready for work, one would have to hold the baby while the other showered. They looked at me like I was crazy when I suggested putting her in the crib so they could BOTH get ready for work!

When on the floor, she wasn't allowed to reach for anything. Dad didn't want her to 'strain" herself......

But by 12 months, they relaxed and so did she. She became my most favorite day care child ever (I know...I know....) She is now 22 years old and heading for medical school. Just bought her own home. We keep in regular contact. She's easy going and a joy to be around.

So hang in there...it sometimes DOES get better!!!

[delferka]

I've had a little boy since he was 11 months old. He's now 2.5 and I cannot get anything through to him. He lays on the other kids even though they cry. He just laughs. He torment my cats and has been getting scratched on a weekly basis. He just doesn't get it! He pokes and prods at the other kids all the time. I've told him not to do these things a thousand times and he just keeps repeating it. He's worth double the money I get for him.. His dad is not the brightest bulb and Mom babies him when he really need to be reprimanded. How many time outs can this child get?? I'm pooped!!!