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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Why Can't Parents Keep Their Kids Home When They Are Off???
Unregistered 09:20 AM 05-23-2011
Lets start off by saying I cut my maternity leave short by 3 weeks to help this family out. Their provider quit on them with no notice, so being nice I offered to help them out as she expressed they were in desperate need of care. I soon found out that she has a couple days off during the week and was still bringing the kids on those days! When I didn't even want to start yet...my baby was 3 weeks old and I missed out on spending quality time with her alone because this mom was soooo desperate for care. Instead I am sleep deprived caring for her kids while she does who knows what. I find it very rude of her and will never ever think about anyone else but myself and family from now on. I am so bitter about it I am thinking of terming!!

I have been on both sides and when my children were in daycare...I picked them up the moment I got off, even when it was early. I also kept them home when I was off. Why wouldn't you??? This is what i have trouble understanding....because we pay someone anyway we take them to get our moneys worth! I find this very sad, the only ones who suffer are the poor children. I never wanted to give up any moment I could spend with my children. I couldn't live with myself if i did this to my children.

In the past I have had families that had the same belief as me and this is my first time dealing with this and I just don't know if I can. I am tired of being irritated all the time about this!!
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wdmmom 09:45 AM 05-23-2011
This is something I've actually asked at interviewing! "If you have a day off, do you intend to keep your child home with you?" My contract specifically says I only provide care to parents that are at school or work. I obviously can't control this but I can control who I work for and who I don't.

Putting them on the spot with that kind of question likely gets a truthful answer.
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momma2girls 10:08 AM 05-23-2011
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
This is something I've actually asked at interviewing! "If you have a day off, do you intend to keep your child home with you?" My contract specifically says I only provide care to parents that are at school or work. I obviously can't control this but I can control who I work for and who I don't.

Putting them on the spot with that kind of question likely gets a truthful answer.
I actually added this same thing in my contract about 4 yrs. ago. I have written- My hrs. are for work and commute times only!!
When you ask them this, are they truthful, or do they look at each other, and say- Well I guess
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DCMom 07:13 AM 05-24-2011
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
This is something I've actually asked at interviewing! "If you have a day off, do you intend to keep your child home with you?" My contract specifically says I only provide care to parents that are at school or work. I obviously can't control this but I can control who I work for and who I don't.

Putting them on the spot with that kind of question likely gets a truthful answer.
I ask during the interview and the answer is almost always 'of course we will' and maybe they do the first few times. But in my experience it doesn't last long!

That's why I had to change my attitude about it. Parents aren't going to change. My dcp's for the most part are really respectful of on-time payments, my house, my rules and my vacation time etc. so if they bring the kids when they are not working, all I ask is that they let me know they are going to be late and be here by 9:00am.

Just my feeling on it
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Cat Herder 09:51 AM 05-23-2011
I am sorry this happened to you. Bet it makes you wish you knew the other providers side of the story, doesn't it?

I am often skeptical of the stories I am told of other providers and used to call to get the other side before I accepted them. We generally have similar personality types, YKWIM?

I no longer take kids unless I am their first provider. It is a personal choice. I am older and have reached a point where I don't want to "fix" other folks issues anymore... I will on an emergency medical basis only (sent to me by the state temporarily), now.

I have come to accept that the DCK's will be here everyday I am open, for as many hours a day as I am open. It is the new reality of daycare. These parents are overtasked and overworked with too many balls in the air.

The only way they will stay home is if you don't allow them to come. Cut and dry.

You will need to think hard on this and decide if you will provide Full-Time Care or Contracted hours. (There are benefits and risks to both) Then stick to it with no exceptions.

Nannyde is the only one I know of who has mastered a way to have both.... She has mad skills so I hope she pipes in for you, too.
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skittles 10:30 AM 05-23-2011
Hi have been through two maturnity leaves in my daycare both times had to come back to work at two weeks. I have only one set of parents that will leave their child in care open to close even though they get out of work at 2pm. Sometimes I am sad by the little one year old who is left at my house and hour after all the children are gone. He is only one but he walks around my home yelling "mama," dada and he goes to the window and door and waits for them. I am unable to distract him with toys or books, he usually cries when I hold him and wants to be put down. He knows the other kids are gone home, and wants to go as well. I find the kids that are in care the most are the ones who obsess the most off of my own kids. They have the worst behaviors and crave adult attention until that becomes their whole focus. They are usually the ones who act up the most at drop off and pick up because this is the only time they see their parents. One liitle one I have gets pick up to be drop off at another child care or put to bed. Weekends are at grandparents. Not kidding, the parents are really open about it and if I have a question they say they don't know they will have to ask grandma!!! Two sets of my parents pick up, give their children supper and put them to bed at 6:30-7!!! Three and four year olds. They claim their child sleeps 6:30pm-7:30am!!
I use to have a bunch of families that would dump there kids when they are not working. Now at the start of the year when I chose my vacation time I also choose a variety of days through out the year that I would be closed or closed earlier. I typed these up in addition to my two weeks vacation I take each year. None of these are paid for me. I call these my "me" days. Also I use to close at 5:30 and now I close at 5pm. I don't tell the parents but the half hour difference I use for cleaning and in my mind I still close at 5:30 pm, so if parents are "late" they pay my fee and I feel like I am not being taken advantage of.
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cheerfuldom 07:09 PM 05-23-2011
Maternity leaves are a pain. There is ALWAYS a parent there to give you a full on sob story and dump their kid on you no matter if you got home from the hospital the day before. Some of it is pure laziness and the rest is, sadly, just the way most people are these days. So overwhelmed with their own life that they do not have even a second to consider someone else's life, especially not someone they are paying a service to. You are essentially a robot that has no feelings, no needs and certainly should be able to juggle their kids and put your own aside. All that to say, I am sorry you had to learn the hard way as I also had to learn but don't schedule your maternity leaves around the families. 99.99999% of the time, you are going to end up resentful, exhausted and seriously underappreciated.
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Michelle 10:52 PM 05-23-2011
Parents have some nerve!
I actually had a parent call my husband while I was in labor with my dd and demand that I find back up care for her right then!
I was Induced 4 weeks early because of severe toxemia and they were saying that both the baby and I could have died!
Then when i got home she said that if i didn't watch her kids that day, she would find other care because I was in the hospital too long. (5 days)
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WDW 07:23 AM 05-24-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
Parents have some nerve!
I actually had a parent call my husband while I was in labor with my dd and demand that I find back up care for her right then!
I was Induced 4 weeks early because of severe toxemia and they were saying that both the baby and I could have died!
Then when i got home she said that if i didn't watch her kids that day, she would find other care because I was in the hospital too long. (5 days)
I seriously hope you let her go! That's awful!
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QualiTcare 09:52 PM 06-02-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Lets start off by saying I cut my maternity leave short by 3 weeks to help this family out. Their provider quit on them with no notice, so being nice I offered to help them out as she expressed they were in desperate need of care. I soon found out that she has a couple days off during the week and was still bringing the kids on those days! When I didn't even want to start yet...my baby was 3 weeks old and I missed out on spending quality time with her alone because this mom was soooo desperate for care. Instead I am sleep deprived caring for her kids while she does who knows what. I find it very rude of her and will never ever think about anyone else but myself and family from now on. I am so bitter about it I am thinking of terming!!
I have been on both sides and when my children were in daycare...I picked them up the moment I got off, even when it was early. I also kept them home when I was off. Why wouldn't you??? This is what i have trouble understanding....because we pay someone anyway we take them to get our moneys worth! I find this very sad, the only ones who suffer are the poor children. I never wanted to give up any moment I could spend with my children. I couldn't live with myself if i did this to my children.

In the past I have had families that had the same belief as me and this is my first time dealing with this and I just don't know if I can. I am tired of being irritated all the time about this!!
as you said yourself - you're bitter. you didn't want to start yet. you feel like you're missing time with your own child, etc. the bottom line is that you chose to go back to work early. it's hard to believe that you would do that only to help a family out. surely money was a factor. see, you could have said NO. since you said YES the parent is paying for childcare and can use it whenever you are open unless your contract says otherwise. you're blaming your lack of judgement/poor decision on the parent. it would be like the owner of a store opening when they weren't really ready to open and then being upset with people who came in to shop but didn't buy anything.

my daughter is in a summer program while i work and go to school. i usually leave school around 1pm after i meet with a study group and i pick her up right after even though she can stay until 5:30. half of the time when she sees me she's like, "i don't want to go yet!" she'll be playing or doing some activity and won't want to leave. i make her leave anyway. anyhow, there are days when i don't have school and i'm not scheduled to work and she wants to go to the program. i'll tell her, "well, i don't have to go to school/work. you can stay home with me." sometimes she will and sometimes she'll say, "no! we're supposed to swim today," or "suzy is going to be there and i want to play with her." i don't have school or work tomorrow and she's staying home with me. i had school today and i picked her up right after, but i made her lay down with me and take a nap when we got home because i was literally falling asleep when i was driving home on the interstate. she probably would've rather stayed at the program and i probably should've let her while i took a necessary nap instead of making her take one with me. i already know what people would say about someone SLEEPING while there child was in care (which she wasn't) but it shouldn't matter if she were. i pay them GOOD money and i pick her up early 90% of the time. i can imagine what people would say if i wrecked on the interstate and killed a family and then said, "well, i've just been so busy. i can't get any sleep and i'd feel bad leaving my child in daycare when i'm not actually in class/at work." i can only guess that they'd say, "how stupid. why didn't you go take a nap if she was in daycare? you're paying them to watch her." i'm sure the dead person's family would at least say that. of course the provider wouldn't.

i could go on forever about this topic. i get sick of hearing it. i think if you feel so strongly about parents not having their child in care unless they're at work 100% of the time then you should make a contract based on the hours that they work. if you don't do that then you are giving parents permission to use your services (that they PAY for) for all the hours you are open - regardless of what they are doing.
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Candyland 10:36 PM 06-02-2011
while I really don't quite understand parents who choose to take their kids to day care when they themselves are off, I feel it's their right to do what they want with their time. After all, they have paid for the services. Sometimes, they set that time for dr. appts, or just lay on the couch. I'm sorry, but as much as I feel all little ones should be at home with their own parent raising them...that's just not the way it is. Besides, I'd be out of a job if all mommies stayed home!!! LOL
That being said; I, too, give a little "huh?" when I find out parents have stayed home but brought their child to daycare; though it is their right.
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Unregistered 03:05 AM 06-03-2011
I am curios for those who say they never take off and leave kids in daycare.... when your child was in elementary school and you had a day off, did you take your kids out of school to be home with you? I am pretty sure you don't. If you got off early from work...did you check them out of school to run errands with you?


I see nothing wrong with an occasional day off a parent has that may need to catch up on cleaning, sleep, errands etc. Especially when a child goes to a place with a routine and school-like atmosphere. Of course I think it's important to take days off with your kids to spend one on one time witth them.


But if I can get in and get out of the grocery store in half the time, then yes I will stop by the store before I pick them up. (I always pick up by 2:30-3:00 anyway).
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nannyde 03:23 AM 06-03-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I am curios for those who say they never take off and leave kids in daycare.... when your child was in elementary school and you had a day off, did you take your kids out of school to be home with you? I am pretty sure you don't. If you got off early from work...did you check them out of school to run errands with you?


I see nothing wrong with an occasional day off a parent has that may need to catch up on cleaning, sleep, errands etc. Especially when a child goes to a place with a routine and school-like atmosphere. Of course I think it's important to take days off with your kids to spend one on one time witth them.


But if I can get in and get out of the grocery store in half the time, then yes I will stop by the store before I pick them up. (I always pick up by 2:30-3:00 anyway).
My kid is required to attend school by law. I wouldn't go get him during a school day because I wouldn't want to take the chance of dinging against his allowable days off before I get sent to go see about a Truancy Court Judge.

They televise Truant Court and run it OVER AND OVER AND OVER again on the Des Moines Public School TV channel. I don't want to be on TV for that.
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Unregistered 06:14 AM 06-03-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
My kid is required to attend school by law. I wouldn't go get him during a school day because I wouldn't want to take the chance of dinging against his allowable days off before I get sent to go see about a Truancy Court Judge.

They televise Truant Court and run it OVER AND OVER AND OVER again on the Des Moines Public School TV channel. I don't want to be on TV for that.
Ok, I understand that.


To me, I guess, I am comparing this to the same as a SAHM using a Mother's Day Out program for 1 day a week, so she can get things done. Or two parents having a babysitter come over on a Friday Night, so they can go on a date.


Now of course, If you have it in your contract that you don't allow it, then parents should abide to it.
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e.j. 09:30 AM 06-03-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
My kid is required to attend school by law. I wouldn't go get him during a school day because I wouldn't want to take the chance of dinging against his allowable days off before I get sent to go see about a Truancy Court Judge.
Exactly! Comparing to kids enrolled in school to day care kids is like comparing apples to oranges. There is a difference.
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MyAngels 06:43 AM 06-03-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I am curios for those who say they never take off and leave kids in daycare.... when your child was in elementary school and you had a day off, did you take your kids out of school to be home with you? I am pretty sure you don't. If you got off early from work...did you check them out of school to run errands with you?


I see nothing wrong with an occasional day off a parent has that may need to catch up on cleaning, sleep, errands etc. Especially when a child goes to a place with a routine and school-like atmosphere. Of course I think it's important to take days off with your kids to spend one on one time witth them.


But if I can get in and get out of the grocery store in half the time, then yes I will stop by the store before I pick them up. (I always pick up by 2:30-3:00 anyway).
I can't speak for everyone else here, but when I respond to posts on the topic of keeping your kids home if you are not working, I am thinking about the days before my children started elementary school. Attending school is mandatory, attending daycare is not.
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jen 06:48 AM 06-03-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I see nothing wrong with an occasional day off a parent has that may need to catch up on cleaning, sleep, errands etc. Especially when a child goes to a place with a routine and school-like atmosphere. Of course I think it's important to take days off with your kids to spend one on one time witth them.


But if I can get in and get out of the grocery store in half the time, then yes I will stop by the store before I pick them up. (I always pick up by 2:30-3:00 anyway).
I don't think anyone is talking about parents who take the OCCASIONAL day off and pick up by 2:30 or 3pm.

You have NO idea how many kids are dropped off at 6:30 AM and then not picked up until 5 or 5:30 pm every single day...and then when Mom gets a day off...same schedule...EVERY time. I've had a family in daycare whose kids attend between 10.5 and 11 hours per day for nearly 4 years and they are NEVER home with Mom or Dad even if Mom and Dad aren't working. EVER. It's those people who create the frustration among providers.
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Unregistered 06:54 AM 06-03-2011
Originally Posted by jen:
I don't think anyone is talking about parents who take the OCCASIONAL day off and pick up by 2:30 or 3pm.

You have NO idea how many kids are dropped off at 6:30 AM and then not picked up until 5 or 5:30 pm every single day...and then when Mom gets a day off...same schedule...EVERY time. I've had a family in daycare whose kids attend between 10.5 and 11 hours per day for nearly 4 years and they are NEVER home with Mom or Dad even if Mom and Dad aren't working. EVER. It's those people who create the frustration among providers.
Sorry I misunderstood, I completely agree with the above. Kids need time with their parents that do not include just eating dinner and putting them to bed.


And the lying to the provider is not right. I remember reading about that lady that would get dressed like she went to work and dropped the kids off, then went home. If you are honest with the provider, then I am sure they wouldn't mind you stopping by to run an errand if you get off work early. (As long as you aren't late picking them up).
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blueclouds29 04:45 AM 06-03-2011
i have a parent ask me if they can bring their child in because they are off. I said ' Ha, you paid for the day/week, you can do whatever you want!' that's up to you! You are so right, they do pay for the day. BUT i do understand when parents are off, why can't they just keep the kid(s) home?
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Unregistered 04:54 AM 06-03-2011
As a parent I don't understand it either. I've heard about people who take whole weeks off and still send their kids to daycare. Why? I take an afternoon a week off but do so to spend time with my child, not to spend time by myself. Only once have we sent our child to daycare when one of us wasn't working and that was because my husband had pinkeye and was quarantined from us. When I was sick I kept her home with me. Maybe some feel since they are paying for the day they should use it? I guess I can understand that. One of the reasons we chose our new center over our former home daycare was because they give us ten "free" days a year for illness and vacation. It saves us several hundred dollars a year.
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jen 06:44 AM 06-03-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
As a parent I don't understand it either. I've heard about people who take whole weeks off and still send their kids to daycare. Why? I take an afternoon a week off but do so to spend time with my child, not to spend time by myself. Only once have we sent our child to daycare when one of us wasn't working and that was because my husband had pinkeye and was quarantined from us. When I was sick I kept her home with me. Maybe some feel since they are paying for the day they should use it? I guess I can understand that. One of the reasons we chose our new center over our former home daycare was because they give us ten "free" days a year for illness and vacation. It saves us several hundred dollars a year.
It's great that you spend your extra time with your children...and I've never met a provider who minded parents dropping off when the didn't work here and there...it's the ones who NEVER take their extra time with their children that drive us crazy.

It's great that your center offers free days, but the thing is this. Parent's shouldn't need a financial incentive to spend time with their kids.
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e.j. 09:24 AM 06-03-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Lets start off by saying I cut my maternity leave short by 3 weeks to help this family out. Their provider quit on them with no notice, so being nice I offered to help them out as she expressed they were in desperate need of care. I soon found out that she has a couple days off during the week and was still bringing the kids on those days! When I didn't even want to start yet...my baby was 3 weeks old and I missed out on spending quality time with her alone because this mom was soooo desperate for care. Instead I am sleep deprived caring for her kids while she does who knows what. I find it very rude of her and will never ever think about anyone else but myself and family from now on. I am so bitter about it I am thinking of terming!!
I'm not one who usually minds if a parent brings a child to me on their day off. As long as they're paying me to care for their child, I feel they have every right to spend their time as they see fit - as long as I have a way to reach them in case of emergency.

The above situation is a bit different, though. You cut your maternity leave short by 3 weeks to help the family out. That's a huge favor you did for them! You not only gave up one-on-one time with your new baby but also the rest you needed and could have had if you hadn't agreed to help the family out of their jam. It seems to me, the family should have returned the favor done for them by not taking advantage of your willingness to help them. They should have kept the kids home if they weren't working. I can understand why you're feeling upset.

Unless they're totally selfish people, though, they probably just never gave much thought to your side of things. If you're still in the middle of that aniticipated 3 week leave, I'd speak up. I'd explain that you were trying to help them out so they didn't miss work but that you'd appreciate it if they would keep the kids home on their days off so you can catch up on your rest and devote the extra time to your baby while you can. I wouldn't charge them for the days they don't bring the kids, though - although it would be nice of them to pay you anyway since you're going out of your way for them. Once your maternity leave is over, you could go back to full time hours/pay.

If your maternity leave is over by now, I think I'd try to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they just weren't thinking. Try to get past it if they're a good dc family otherwise. Live and learn. The next time someone asks for something, give some thought to what will work best for you and set some perameters around what you're willing to do and not willing to do.

Congratulations on the new baby!
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Unregistered 10:33 AM 06-03-2011
Originally Posted by e.j.:
I'm not one who usually minds if a parent brings a child to me on their day off. As long as they're paying me to care for their child, I feel they have every right to spend their time as they see fit - as long as I have a way to reach them in case of emergency.

The above situation is a bit different, though. You cut your maternity leave short by 3 weeks to help the family out. That's a huge favor you did for them! You not only gave up one-on-one time with your new baby but also the rest you needed and could have had if you hadn't agreed to help the family out of their jam. It seems to me, the family should have returned the favor done for them by not taking advantage of your willingness to help them. They should have kept the kids home if they weren't working. I can understand why you're feeling upset.

Unless they're totally selfish people, though, they probably just never gave much thought to your side of things. If you're still in the middle of that aniticipated 3 week leave, I'd speak up. I'd explain that you were trying to help them out so they didn't miss work but that you'd appreciate it if they would keep the kids home on their days off so you can catch up on your rest and devote the extra time to your baby while you can. I wouldn't charge them for the days they don't bring the kids, though - although it would be nice of them to pay you anyway since you're going out of your way for them. Once your maternity leave is over, you could go back to full time hours/pay.

If your maternity leave is over by now, I think I'd try to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they just weren't thinking. Try to get past it if they're a good dc family otherwise. Live and learn. The next time someone asks for something, give some thought to what will work best for you and set some perameters around what you're willing to do and not willing to do.

Congratulations on the new baby!
Thank you...its nice to have someone understand why i was upset about it. Unfortunately my maternity leave would have been over with by now anyway. And your right the thought probably never crossed their mind that I did them a huge favor. I need to just get over and move on. It would probably be alot easier if I wasn't so sleep deprived!!
I am thankful I have found this site...i have found this job to be stressful and isolating at times and it really helps to read about others going thru similar circumstances. I can talk to my dh but I just don't think anyone actually understands until they do this job!
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momma2girls 11:36 AM 06-03-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thank you...its nice to have someone understand why i was upset about it. Unfortunately my maternity leave would have been over with by now anyway. And your right the thought probably never crossed their mind that I did them a huge favor. I need to just get over and move on. It would probably be alot easier if I wasn't so sleep deprived!!
I am thankful I have found this site...i have found this job to be stressful and isolating at times and it really helps to read about others going thru similar circumstances. I can talk to my dh but I just don't think anyone actually understands until they do this job!
I think everyone should do daycare for a couple of yrs. to understand everything of it.
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Unregistered 12:01 PM 06-03-2011
I know this will sound bad, but I charge only for the time that kids are in my care because I want the parents to spend their free time with their kids. I would rather get paid a little bit less rather than see parents just send their kids here every day even though mom or dad isn't working that day. I have some kids pretty much from open to close and I know that when their parents pick them up, they'll spend very little time with them before bedtime. When I say time, I mean time where they are giving their child their undivided attention.

That being said, I still end up with kids coming to daycare even though the parents aren't working. All I ask is for the parent to be reachable by cell phone while they are running errands or having their "me time". I had hoped that saving money would be incentive enough to spend their free time with their children but that's not the case.
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