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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>What Age On Self Help Skills
Pepperth 08:06 AM 05-03-2017
At what age do you expect a child to attempt self help skills like putting on a coat or boots. (I'm not expecting mastery, just the attempt). Typically by 2.5 my kids all know the flip trick to put on their coats, can put on boots and can take off their coats, hats, etc. I have one now who turned two at the end ofJanuary who just follows me around when we come in and cries when I guide him on the motions of doing it himself. (I place my hands over his and show him how. ) He can take his socks off like nobody's business and uses utinsels just fine, so i think it's nothing to do with motor skills, just motivation. Any tips or tricks?
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mommyneedsadayoff 08:22 AM 05-03-2017
Originally Posted by Pepperth:
At what age do you expect a child to attempt self help skills like putting on a coat or boots. (I'm not expecting mastery, just the attempt). Typically by 2.5 my kids all know the flip trick to put on their coats, can put on boots and can take off their coats, hats, etc. I have one now who turned two at the end ofJanuary who just follows me around when we come in and cries when I guide him on the motions of doing it himself. (I place my hands over his and show him how. ) He can take his socks off like nobody's business and uses utinsels just fine, so i think it's nothing to do with motor skills, just motivation. Any tips or tricks?
One thing that was recommended on here when it came to socks and shoes was to put a bunch of them in a bucket and let the kids try putting them on and finding the matches. Its fun and a game, but they also watch and learn from each other on how to get stuff on, so maybe something similar, but with coats, hats, ect.
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TXhomedaycare 11:59 AM 05-03-2017
I have a dcg that is 2 that was the exact same way when she started. She could stand in the restroom and not wash her hand but just wait for me in front of the sink. Her mom said she was potty trained but she would not pull her pants down and up but she could but her mom said she wouldn't for her. So I told her I will show her how to wash her hands and go potty like a big girl and told her I expect her to be a big girl in a few weeks. Now she does everything by herself while she is here goes potty with little to no help, washes her hands, takes her shoes on and off and she did none of that when she started a few weeks ago (I have no clue what she does at home but I know mom does a lot). I think if kids know what is expected of them they usually rise to the occasion. I will say that she is the only child I have had in a while that did not want to figure things out on her own (all my other kids are going crazy to be the first one to do everything by themselves). Some kids are perfectly fine with adults or sibling doing everything for them.
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AmyKidsCo 12:11 PM 05-03-2017
I start them really young, under 2. I always ask them to "try" before I'll help them.

But it's hard when they're not expected to do things for themselves at home. I had a 4 yr old who would walk in, then stand there as mom took his coat and hat off him and put them away, then he picked up his feet so she could take his shoes off for him.

Today I had an almost-4 yr old carried in and mom took his coat off and hung it up.
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Pepperth 01:00 PM 05-03-2017
It gets especially frustrating because I also have a 17 month old in care who has really good self help skills, can take off her coat, puts on her hat, etc. I can teach skills but without the self-motivation, it's hard.
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Baby Beluga 02:55 PM 05-03-2017
This is super frustrating!

I understand from a parents perspective it is easier to just do it for your child. However a parents convenience of getting something done quickly is a huge disservice to the child, and eventually will be a disservice to the parent as well when their child is 3,4,5+ and not doing anything for themselves.
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racemom 04:00 PM 05-03-2017
I had a 2 1/2 year old start who was unable to do anything. I teach them to do the flip technique for their coats, within a week the mom told me dcg would not let mom help her anymore. But I also have a 3 year old, since birth who stands and waits for mom to do everything for her, she does it for me because we will go outside without her, but she knows mom will do it. Guess which one is potty trained, yep the 2 1/2 year old! Different personalities, make a difference.
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flying_babyb 10:30 PM 05-03-2017
Ive got 1-2 year olds. I find a mixed age group helps. The bigger kids do it themselves and the tiny ones try to copy and be "Cool" like the big kids. I also tell my twos that "I don't want to hear I can't, I want to hear I tried, or I won't help you" Most of my kids now say "I twie!" even my one year olds that barley speak
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childcaremom 01:46 AM 05-04-2017
I had a child like that in the past. There were a lot of parenting issues that resulted in this behaviour (which resulted in me no longer accepting clients who labelled their parenting ).

I handle it the same way.... must attempt before I help. This child did a lot of sitting and watching everyone play. Even that didn't encourage her to want to get her stuff on. I think, looking back, she just didn't care that the group was doing stuff. She was content to sit and observe.

I never resolved the issue before I ended care. I just remained consistent with my expectations and then let go of any attachments I had to the outcomes.
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