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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Daycare Dad Getting Too Close...Help!
Stormie_IV 05:15 PM 06-13-2017
Hi All,
I'm new here and needed some advice. I actually work in an elementary school aftercare program at the local school. I know this a daycare forum but many of the same issues pop up in aftercare as they do in a daycare (I've worked both). Anyway, there is this older dad who is super awkward, very nerdy, and VERY needy for attention every time he comes in. At the beginning of the year, his wife filed for divorce. We went from regular "how are ya?" exchanges to him coming in all "woe is me" everyday. He then started bashing his wife to me, talking about lawyer visits, tried to show me text messages of their arguments, etc. The list goes on! Myself and the site coordinator promptly told him that he was being inappropriate in front of other students (by talking so loud about his "awful wife") and that we are not supposed to get personally involved in family life. Basically we told him that the only things we need to know about the divorce is anything that may affect who picks up the daughter. He was okay for a while but now, at the end of the year, he is becoming ultra creepy around me. He seeks me out, even if I'm in another room and goes "Oh there's where you're hiding!", always talks about himself and his hobbies as if to impress me, and just does not take a hint that I'm not interested. He also knows I'm getting married soon, so it's even creepier. If I am speaking with another counselor in the room, he will just butt into our conversation and start babbling about anything, but only to me! Other counselors have noticed this odd behavior and try to warn me when he is coming in so I can go elsewhere. This is no way to work! I feel super awkward saying something but I really feel I need to at this point as it's getting out of control. He gives me a creepy stare as he is leaving, maintaining eye contact until he leaves the room, coupled with a weird wave. He has asked me if I'm available to babysit over the summer (I can't/won't) and he is already asking me if I will return to the program in September when school starts back up. How should I go about telling him to back off? He obviously needs a friend, but it's not appropriate to seek me out for therapy sessions in the middle of my workday. Not quite sure how to word it... Sorry for the long winded post, I just wanted to capture the magic of my situation as best I could!
I'm new here and needed some advice. I actually work in an elementary school aftercare program at the local school. I know this a daycare forum but many of the same issues pop up in aftercare as they do in a daycare (I've worked both). Anyway, there is this older dad who is super awkward, very nerdy, and VERY needy for attention every time he comes in. At the beginning of the year, his wife filed for divorce. We went from regular "how are ya?" exchanges to him coming in all "woe is me" everyday. He then started bashing his wife to me, talking about lawyer visits, tried to show me text messages of their arguments, etc. The list goes on! Myself and the site coordinator promptly told him that he was being inappropriate in front of other students (by talking so loud about his "awful wife") and that we are not supposed to get personally involved in family life. Basically we told him that the only things we need to know about the divorce is anything that may affect who picks up the daughter. He was okay for a while but now, at the end of the year, he is becoming ultra creepy around me. He seeks me out, even if I'm in another room and goes "Oh there's where you're hiding!", always talks about himself and his hobbies as if to impress me, and just does not take a hint that I'm not interested. He also knows I'm getting married soon, so it's even creepier. If I am speaking with another counselor in the room, he will just butt into our conversation and start babbling about anything, but only to me! Other counselors have noticed this odd behavior and try to warn me when he is coming in so I can go elsewhere. This is no way to work! I feel super awkward saying something but I really feel I need to at this point as it's getting out of control. He gives me a creepy stare as he is leaving, maintaining eye contact until he leaves the room, coupled with a weird wave. He has asked me if I'm available to babysit over the summer (I can't/won't) and he is already asking me if I will return to the program in September when school starts back up. How should I go about telling him to back off? He obviously needs a friend, but it's not appropriate to seek me out for therapy sessions in the middle of my workday. Not quite sure how to word it... Sorry for the long winded post, I just wanted to capture the magic of my situation as best I could!
trix23 05:48 PM 06-13-2017
Men don't get "hints". You need to be direct and tell him that going forward, you will only engage in conversation pertaining to his child's day and any other legal information regarding the divorce. Tell him that you want to retain professionalism and that his behavior is not in line with that. Mention that you feel uncomfortable with where things are right now and that if he can't speak and be professional with you that he will not be able to converse with you at the school.
Either type a letter or say this to him. Talk with your supervisior about it before you do it and show him/her the letter and talk about if it's ok and/or proper for you to give it to him. Put it in a sealed envelope and give it to him a day he picks up as he's headed out the door.
Either type a letter or say this to him. Talk with your supervisior about it before you do it and show him/her the letter and talk about if it's ok and/or proper for you to give it to him. Put it in a sealed envelope and give it to him a day he picks up as he's headed out the door.
Ariana 07:02 PM 06-13-2017
I feel like with a person like this you will need to be very careful. He sounds extremely creepy. Do you think he could possibly harm you or something?
I agree that directly telling him is the only way to go. I have had to do it a few times (not in a daycare situation) and it is not easy but it is necessary. Have something planned to say and make sure you are safe from this guy.
"I want to stop you right there John (when he starts talking to you) You are making me feel uncomfortable and I would appreciate it if you stopped seeking me out for talking. From now on you can address the other teachers about your childs day". Then walk away. If it continues I would think anout getting the police involved.
I agree that directly telling him is the only way to go. I have had to do it a few times (not in a daycare situation) and it is not easy but it is necessary. Have something planned to say and make sure you are safe from this guy.
"I want to stop you right there John (when he starts talking to you) You are making me feel uncomfortable and I would appreciate it if you stopped seeking me out for talking. From now on you can address the other teachers about your childs day". Then walk away. If it continues I would think anout getting the police involved.
daycare 07:10 PM 06-13-2017
I personally would just say, I can't talk, I need to make sure that I am doing my job. If you need anything, I am sure sue at the front desk can help you. Then walk away. rinse and repeat.
Don't engage with him in anyway and if he continues, then I would let the front office know and let them handle it. YOu should not be forced to have to confront a parent.
Don't engage with him in anyway and if he continues, then I would let the front office know and let them handle it. YOu should not be forced to have to confront a parent.
Meeko 07:26 PM 06-13-2017
Could he be divorced because his ex felt smothered?!!!!
Nip this in the bud asap, but be careful just in case he doesn't take rejection well.
I'm going to guess that he is just a lonely guy looking for someone to talk to and doesn't notice he makes you uncomfortable. But just in case...make sure your co workers know the situation and be ready to cut off the conversation quickly. If he corners you, they could say to you, "Hey! Susan needs you in her office asap!"...giving you an out.
Nip this in the bud asap, but be careful just in case he doesn't take rejection well.
I'm going to guess that he is just a lonely guy looking for someone to talk to and doesn't notice he makes you uncomfortable. But just in case...make sure your co workers know the situation and be ready to cut off the conversation quickly. If he corners you, they could say to you, "Hey! Susan needs you in her office asap!"...giving you an out.
flying_babyb 10:07 PM 06-13-2017
Originally Posted by Ariana:
.
"I want to stop you right there John (when he starts talking to you) You are making me feel uncomfortable and I would appreciate it if you stopped seeking me out for talking. From now on you can address the other teachers about your childs day". Then walk away. If it continues I would think anout getting the police involved.
this!!.
"I want to stop you right there John (when he starts talking to you) You are making me feel uncomfortable and I would appreciate it if you stopped seeking me out for talking. From now on you can address the other teachers about your childs day". Then walk away. If it continues I would think anout getting the police involved.
Josiegirl 02:43 AM 06-14-2017
Wow, all of the above! Either it hasn't been spelled completely out for this guy OR he's beyond talking to at all. Can you talk with your supervisor and have them put someone else in charge of speaking to this guy? I wouldn't want to have anything to do with him at all. The best way would be the direct way, as mentioned before. Don't be afraid to come right out and tell him you need to remain professional and the only business there is between you is his child. That's where any discussion begins and ends.
DaveA 04:08 AM 06-14-2017
Like the others said- put a stop to this quickly and directly. Make sure your supervisor knows what is going on and that it is something you and your supervisor need to deal with asap.
nannyde 05:20 AM 06-14-2017
I have a chapter in my book dedicated to this very Dad. The chapter is called "Creeper Dad".
I don't agree that men don't get hints. They get it but they say no to it. They don't accept the hint. The completely understand them but this kind of guy won't stop until he is told he must.
This is your Director's fault. She needs to nut up and tell him to knock it off. The thrill is in the chase even without hope of apprehension. As long as he doesn't DO something to you physically to threaten you like box you in a corner or put his hands on you in an inappropriate way or say something that can't be misconstrued with "just joking" he can act all kinds of pervy and get away with it. She's allowing that. She wants the money.
https://www.amazon.com/Daycare-Whisp...=doing+daycare
I don't agree that men don't get hints. They get it but they say no to it. They don't accept the hint. The completely understand them but this kind of guy won't stop until he is told he must.
This is your Director's fault. She needs to nut up and tell him to knock it off. The thrill is in the chase even without hope of apprehension. As long as he doesn't DO something to you physically to threaten you like box you in a corner or put his hands on you in an inappropriate way or say something that can't be misconstrued with "just joking" he can act all kinds of pervy and get away with it. She's allowing that. She wants the money.
https://www.amazon.com/Daycare-Whisp...=doing+daycare
EntropyControlSpecialist 05:39 AM 06-14-2017
You're going to need to confront it in some way, whether that's you doing so or the director doing so. 
I'm sorry.
I've experienced a creeper dad in child care before when I worked at a center. He would always come in and touch me when leaving. The other employees would get a standard goodbye. Even when I backed up against the wall to ensure he couldn't he'd still find a way to and it didn't stop so I switched rooms. It was very disturbing to me 10 years ago and is still disturbing to me now.
I'm sorry. I've experienced a creeper dad in child care before when I worked at a center. He would always come in and touch me when leaving. The other employees would get a standard goodbye. Even when I backed up against the wall to ensure he couldn't he'd still find a way to and it didn't stop so I switched rooms. It was very disturbing to me 10 years ago and is still disturbing to me now.
Blackcat31 05:55 AM 06-14-2017
I think your director needs to step in and put a stop to this.
You, as an employee have a right to feel safe in your place of work. Emotionally and physically safe.
That responsibility ultimately falls to your director.
She/he needs to be present when DCD arrive and the director needs to step in immediately and let DCD know his behavior will NOT be tolerated. DCD should speak only to those teachers having direct contact with his child about his child's daily activities ONLY. DCD should NOT be speaking to you about anything else.
If the director does not step in and stop this, I would seriously consider taking legal action.
What DCD is doing is NOT okay and is creepy and completely uncalled for.
You, as an employee have a right to feel safe in your place of work. Emotionally and physically safe.
That responsibility ultimately falls to your director.
She/he needs to be present when DCD arrive and the director needs to step in immediately and let DCD know his behavior will NOT be tolerated. DCD should speak only to those teachers having direct contact with his child about his child's daily activities ONLY. DCD should NOT be speaking to you about anything else.
If the director does not step in and stop this, I would seriously consider taking legal action.
What DCD is doing is NOT okay and is creepy and completely uncalled for.
Snowmom 06:36 AM 06-14-2017
Are you comfortable saying something to him about this?
If you're not, definitely have your supervisor confront him on the issue. It is ultimately their responsibility.
If you ARE comfortable addressing the issue, then my approach would be:
"John, I do not socialize with clients about personal issues. Going forward, I want you to know my job here is to take care of little Susie and I will not be discussing anything beyond Susie." and I would walk away, leaving no option for him to say anything else.
If you're not, definitely have your supervisor confront him on the issue. It is ultimately their responsibility.
If you ARE comfortable addressing the issue, then my approach would be:
"John, I do not socialize with clients about personal issues. Going forward, I want you to know my job here is to take care of little Susie and I will not be discussing anything beyond Susie." and I would walk away, leaving no option for him to say anything else.
daycare 07:16 AM 06-14-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I think your director needs to step in and put a stop to this.
You, as an employee have a right to feel safe in your place of work. Emotionally and physically safe.
That responsibility ultimately falls to your director.
She/he needs to be present when DCD arrive and the director needs to step in immediately and let DCD know his behavior will NOT be tolerated. DCD should speak only to those teachers having direct contact with his child about his child's daily activities ONLY. DCD should NOT be speaking to you about anything else.
If the director does not step in and stop this, I would seriously consider taking legal action.
What DCD is doing is NOT okay and is creepy and completely uncalled for.
This....I agree with this 100% I think your director needs to step in and put a stop to this.
You, as an employee have a right to feel safe in your place of work. Emotionally and physically safe.
That responsibility ultimately falls to your director.
She/he needs to be present when DCD arrive and the director needs to step in immediately and let DCD know his behavior will NOT be tolerated. DCD should speak only to those teachers having direct contact with his child about his child's daily activities ONLY. DCD should NOT be speaking to you about anything else.
If the director does not step in and stop this, I would seriously consider taking legal action.
What DCD is doing is NOT okay and is creepy and completely uncalled for.
I have employees and I would never want them to come to work and have to deal with anything like that or ever feel the way that you are feeling.
I think this is an issue for the main supervisor or director or both.
Stormie_IV 07:58 AM 06-14-2017
Originally Posted by Meeko:
Could he be divorced because his ex felt smothered?!!!!
Nip this in the bud asap, but be careful just in case he doesn't take rejection well.
I'm going to guess that he is just a lonely guy looking for someone to talk to and doesn't notice he makes you uncomfortable. But just in case...make sure your co workers know the situation and be ready to cut off the conversation quickly. If he corners you, they could say to you, "Hey! Susan needs you in her office asap!"...giving you an out.
I definitely think so! He told another male counselor that his wife told the lawyers he "was a psycho, had no friends, and has been in and out of therapy". I guess it took a toll on her after some time. The "psycho" part threw me, yikes.Could he be divorced because his ex felt smothered?!!!!
Nip this in the bud asap, but be careful just in case he doesn't take rejection well.
I'm going to guess that he is just a lonely guy looking for someone to talk to and doesn't notice he makes you uncomfortable. But just in case...make sure your co workers know the situation and be ready to cut off the conversation quickly. If he corners you, they could say to you, "Hey! Susan needs you in her office asap!"...giving you an out.
Stormie_IV 08:08 AM 06-14-2017
Thank you all for your answers! It seems I'm not alone in having a creeper dad issue, which is unsettling. Our aftercare program does have a director, however the program runs in 5 different schools in 3 towns. The director has her own office and is only on-site if need be, and it's usually only for an hour. I told her about this man sometime around December, when he started acting strange. She told me she would think about what to do, as it was a weird situation. But then a few days later my site coordinator (she isn't the director, but is a fellow coworker who oversees our site-same age as me) told him off, as I stated in my original post. I informed the director of that and it was then forgotten. But now it's starting up again, 10x worse than it was. We finish school next week, so I hope the summer break cools his jets. But what if it doesn't and it continues into Sept? What I will do is inform my director of all this and let her know that if it continues again come Sept, SHE will have to step in personally to fix it. The site coordinator can only do so much, but the director hold the ultimate power. Thanks everyone! I will let you know what director says
Ariana 08:11 AM 06-14-2017
Originally Posted by Stormie_IV:
Thank you all for your answers! It seems I'm not alone in having a creeper dad issue, which is unsettling. Our aftercare program does have a director, however the program runs in 5 different schools in 3 towns. The director has her own office and is only on-site if need be, and it's usually only for an hour. I told her about this man sometime around December, when he started acting strange. She told me she would think about what to do, as it was a weird situation. But then a few days later my site coordinator (she isn't the director, but is a fellow coworker who oversees our site-same age as me) told him off, as I stated in my original post. I informed the director of that and it was then forgotten. But now it's starting up again, 10x worse than it was. We finish school next week, so I hope the summer break cools his jets. But what if it doesn't and it continues into Sept? What I will do is inform my director of all this and let her know that if it continues again come Sept, SHE will have to step in personally to fix it. The site coordinator can only do so much, but the director hold the ultimate power. Thanks everyone! I will let you know what director says
I have a feeling summer is not going to stop him. I don't want to scare you more but chances are he might know where you live or will know eventually. Keep yourself safe please!!!Thank you all for your answers! It seems I'm not alone in having a creeper dad issue, which is unsettling. Our aftercare program does have a director, however the program runs in 5 different schools in 3 towns. The director has her own office and is only on-site if need be, and it's usually only for an hour. I told her about this man sometime around December, when he started acting strange. She told me she would think about what to do, as it was a weird situation. But then a few days later my site coordinator (she isn't the director, but is a fellow coworker who oversees our site-same age as me) told him off, as I stated in my original post. I informed the director of that and it was then forgotten. But now it's starting up again, 10x worse than it was. We finish school next week, so I hope the summer break cools his jets. But what if it doesn't and it continues into Sept? What I will do is inform my director of all this and let her know that if it continues again come Sept, SHE will have to step in personally to fix it. The site coordinator can only do so much, but the director hold the ultimate power. Thanks everyone! I will let you know what director says
Stormie_IV 09:17 AM 06-14-2017
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I have a feeling summer is not going to stop him. I don't want to scare you more but chances are he might know where you live or will know eventually. Keep yourself safe please!!!
I actually live in town AND he lives 2 blocks away. I'm sure he knows where I live, people like that look you up. Thank god I live with people and not alone.I have a feeling summer is not going to stop him. I don't want to scare you more but chances are he might know where you live or will know eventually. Keep yourself safe please!!!
Stormie_IV 10:42 AM 06-14-2017
Director got back to me and agreed that his behavior is very creepy. She told me since we only have a week of school left, to just hide when he comes. I am allowed to leave the room and do what I have to do. If it continues in Sept, she will then step in and have a talk with him. I'm glad its now out there and she is fully aware of the situation and ready to step in.
Meeko 05:47 AM 06-15-2017
What about your fiance? Could it be arranged for him to be there and give him "the evil eye"? Stand with his arm around you etc. Would he be willing to tell the guy that you have requested he not speak to you?
Stormie_IV 08:39 AM 06-15-2017
Originally Posted by Meeko:
What about your fiance? Could it be arranged for him to be there and give him "the evil eye"? Stand with his arm around you etc. Would he be willing to tell the guy that you have requested he not speak to you?
Nope. My fiance works for a bank, so he is at work the same time as me. He's in an office though so I am able to call him if need be.What about your fiance? Could it be arranged for him to be there and give him "the evil eye"? Stand with his arm around you etc. Would he be willing to tell the guy that you have requested he not speak to you?
Rockgirl 10:32 AM 06-15-2017
Originally Posted by Stormie_IV:
Director got back to me and agreed that his behavior is very creepy. She told me since we only have a week of school left, to just hide when he comes. I am allowed to leave the room and do what I have to do. If it continues in Sept, she will then step in and have a talk with him. I'm glad its now out there and she is fully aware of the situation and ready to step in.
I think it's crappy that your director is handling it in this manner. Dcd has already been warned, and he has continued the behavior, plus some. He should have been termed. Instead, it's on you to hide for a week, then give him another chance to come back and repeat this in the fall. That's not right!Director got back to me and agreed that his behavior is very creepy. She told me since we only have a week of school left, to just hide when he comes. I am allowed to leave the room and do what I have to do. If it continues in Sept, she will then step in and have a talk with him. I'm glad its now out there and she is fully aware of the situation and ready to step in.
Unregistered 06:22 AM 06-20-2017
I agree That response by the Director is a cop out. But so many people are so deathly afraid of confronting things these days, so they make excuses and then make the problem worse.
I have had creeper dads and creeper co workers men and woman over the years. I am a woman btw. I actually have a bit of a creeper dad at the moment, or should I say man that likes to boast a lot.
Next time you run into him and he corners you can do a few things. 1. Don't focus on him or pay attention to him, act like and make a point of watching out for the kids which is what you should be doing.
2. If he is in any way blocking your view from watching a child then kindly do a hand motion waving him aside so you can see past him forcing him to move over. Keep doing that since you will be scanning the room. 3. I have done this before and it is direct but works. Tell him that you have a great therapist friend and would he like her number? Then act like you are reaching for your phone to get it. Just be straight up like "this is out of my wheelhouse of expertise, I am sorry you are going through this but I can't give you any good advice" If he says "oh no I don't need a therapist", give him a (are you for sure look) Then say. Well "Don't know what to tell you but I really do have to go, I need to be paying attention to the kids" then make your exit.
That should do the trick. Any man who is under the illusion that you are interested in him will know you are not if you mention him going to a therapist lol It is a real mood/ego killer
I am not knocking on therapists, they are great. Men just typically hate them.
I have had creeper dads and creeper co workers men and woman over the years. I am a woman btw. I actually have a bit of a creeper dad at the moment, or should I say man that likes to boast a lot.
Next time you run into him and he corners you can do a few things. 1. Don't focus on him or pay attention to him, act like and make a point of watching out for the kids which is what you should be doing.
2. If he is in any way blocking your view from watching a child then kindly do a hand motion waving him aside so you can see past him forcing him to move over. Keep doing that since you will be scanning the room. 3. I have done this before and it is direct but works. Tell him that you have a great therapist friend and would he like her number? Then act like you are reaching for your phone to get it. Just be straight up like "this is out of my wheelhouse of expertise, I am sorry you are going through this but I can't give you any good advice" If he says "oh no I don't need a therapist", give him a (are you for sure look) Then say. Well "Don't know what to tell you but I really do have to go, I need to be paying attention to the kids" then make your exit.
That should do the trick. Any man who is under the illusion that you are interested in him will know you are not if you mention him going to a therapist lol It is a real mood/ego killer
I am not knocking on therapists, they are great. Men just typically hate them.
grandmom 08:05 AM 06-22-2017
Read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBcker! If you can't afford the $5.15 used book price on Amazon, pm me and I'll buy it and ship it to you.
This man can turn dangerous in a breath and you need to be knowledgeable and armed with knowing what to do.
In fact, I think every woman should read this book. It was eye-opening for me.
Please, please take care of yourself. Do not play his games.
This man can turn dangerous in a breath and you need to be knowledgeable and armed with knowing what to do.
In fact, I think every woman should read this book. It was eye-opening for me.
Please, please take care of yourself. Do not play his games.