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New Members - Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum!>Finally Terming Part-Time Daycare Baby...
winecountrymom 05:21 PM 04-14-2016
After my son was born I was unable to secure childcare for him to return to my previous job (which I loved). I ended up offering to watch another woman in my mom's group's 3 month old son part time since she couldn't find suitable or affordable care either. I have been watching him for almost 6 months now.

From the very start, I realized taking him on even part-time was a mistake. The other days of the week his aunt and grandmother watch him and he is held ALL day long. In the first few weeks I watched him in addition to my son, it was kind of a blur. I just kind of "got through it". I tried SO hard to give him all the love, attention and consoling I could.

He will cry I would say 5-6 hours out of the 8-8.5 hours he's in my care. It has not improved even slightly since he first started. Mom is aware her son is high needs and "a very intense baby". Since I only have my son I have been able to manage. I have been concerned about him from day one. The crying he does is like nothing I have ever heard in my life. I have cared for many babies and children over the years and never encountered anything like this. His cries are angry cries. I try holding him, rocking him, walking him, singing to him, feeding, changing, burping etc. Based on the amount of time I have watched him and through conversations with mom, I feel its a combo of his temperament & being held all the time while not in my care-not a health issue. (small example: I run into the mom at the grocery store and she and her husband have to tag team holding him through the store whereas my son sits in the cart happily).

Initially when I started watching her son I was considering starting a small daycare business. The experience of watching him and all the stress of it even part-time has completely turned me off to it (even though I have had good experiences in the past with other kids/babies). The days after watching him I have headaches and ringing in my ears because of how high pitched and loud his cries are. I worry that he has permanently damaged my sons eardrums. I try to be diligent and when he is having a bout of crying, to separate my son from it and have them in different areas of my house.

Recently I found good childcare and started to go back to work part-time the other days of the week. I let the family know way ahead of time (over 4 weeks notice) to find other care and they have DRAGGED and DRAGGED almost to the point of putting my other job on the line. I have tried to work with this family. They do not realize how good they have had it and how many issues a provider would have with many of the things they do on a weekly/regular basis.

1). Late payment at least 1X-2X a month since he's started.

2). Bringing 50lbs worth of his stuff (diaper bag full of toys from home, random items, giant teddy bears that don't fit into the diaper bag, a HUGE car seat) into my house every time I watch him.

3). Lateness at pickup almost everyday & coupled with they don't have more than one carseat I have to wait for them to install before they finally leave.

4). Bringing in their son sick. Causing me and my son to get sick.

5). Dressing their son in ill-fitting difficult clothes to remove/put back on for changing.


6). Not providing enough diapers.

7). Bringing their son to me soiled (upon arrival), one day to the point that there was at least a pint/pint & half of poop running down his pant legs. (These are always on Dads drop off days. I had poop all over my arms & clothes cleaning him up & had to sanitize my entire living room in addition to bathing him to clean everything up).

Now I could probably go on..but I won't. Its too bad because they are really NICE people (seriously) they are just clueless. I am sure you know the kind of parents I am talking about. They are both high level professionals and don't have a lot of experience looking at the perspective of the caregiver.

Here's my question: I am FINALLY terming this child and next week is my last week with him. Should I warn the parents that all they have pulled with me WONT fly with a provider or just let it go? I already wrote a detailed care sheet with tips for the next provider because I honestly feel bad/guilty for anyone who has to take this on...Any advice/thoughts you could share?
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Thriftylady 05:50 PM 04-14-2016
Originally Posted by winecountrymom:
After my son was born I was unable to secure childcare for him to return to my previous job (which I loved). I ended up offering to watch another woman in my mom's group's 3 month old son part time since she couldn't find suitable or affordable care either. I have been watching him for almost 6 months now.

From the very start, I realized taking him on even part-time was a mistake. The other days of the week his aunt and grandmother watch him and he is held ALL day long. In the first few weeks I watched him in addition to my son, it was kind of a blur. I just kind of "got through it". I tried SO hard to give him all the love, attention and consoling I could.

He will cry I would say 5-6 hours out of the 8-8.5 hours he's in my care. It has not improved even slightly since he first started. Mom is aware her son is high needs and "a very intense baby". Since I only have my son I have been able to manage. I have been concerned about him from day one. The crying he does is like nothing I have ever heard in my life. I have cared for many babies and children over the years and never encountered anything like this. His cries are angry cries. I try holding him, rocking him, walking him, singing to him, feeding, changing, burping etc. Based on the amount of time I have watched him and through conversations with mom, I feel its a combo of his temperament & being held all the time while not in my care-not a health issue. (small example: I run into the mom at the grocery store and she and her husband have to tag team holding him through the store whereas my son sits in the cart happily).

Initially when I started watching her son I was considering starting a small daycare business. The experience of watching him and all the stress of it even part-time has completely turned me off to it (even though I have had good experiences in the past with other kids/babies). The days after watching him I have headaches and ringing in my ears because of how high pitched and loud his cries are. I worry that he has permanently damaged my sons eardrums. I try to be diligent and when he is having a bout of crying, to separate my son from it and have them in different areas of my house.

Recently I found good childcare and started to go back to work part-time the other days of the week. I let the family know way ahead of time (over 4 weeks notice) to find other care and they have DRAGGED and DRAGGED almost to the point of putting my other job on the line. I have tried to work with this family. They do not realize how good they have had it and how many issues a provider would have with many of the things they do on a weekly/regular basis.

1). Late payment at least 1X-2X a month since he's started.

2). Bringing 50lbs worth of his stuff (diaper bag full of toys from home, random items, giant teddy bears that don't fit into the diaper bag, a HUGE car seat) into my house every time I watch him.

3). Lateness at pickup almost everyday & coupled with they don't have more than one carseat I have to wait for them to install before they finally leave.

4). Bringing in their son sick. Causing me and my son to get sick.

5). Dressing their son in ill-fitting difficult clothes to remove/put back on for changing.


6). Not providing enough diapers.

7). Bringing their son to me soiled (upon arrival), one day to the point that there was at least a pint/pint & half of poop running down his pant legs. (These are always on Dads drop off days. I had poop all over my arms & clothes cleaning him up & had to sanitize my entire living room in addition to bathing him to clean everything up).

Now I could probably go on..but I won't. Its too bad because they are really NICE people (seriously) they are just clueless. I am sure you know the kind of parents I am talking about. They are both high level professionals and don't have a lot of experience looking at the perspective of the caregiver.

Here's my question: I am FINALLY terming this child and next week is my last week with him. Should I warn the parents that all they have pulled with me WONT fly with a provider or just let it go? I already wrote a detailed care sheet with tips for the next provider because I honestly feel bad/guilty for anyone who has to take this on...Any advice/thoughts you could share?
I would want to tell them that also! But I wouldn't because they won't believe you anyhow. Well maybe they will believe it, but they won't change their ways.
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winecountrymom 06:31 PM 04-14-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
I would want to tell them that also! But I wouldn't because they won't believe you anyhow. Well maybe they will believe it, but they won't change their ways.
Seriously! Its sad because these high needs babies really should just stay home with mom IMO or be cared for 1:1 by a nanny. These parents can afford a nanny but just didn't want to pay "that much" even though it truly is what their son needs.

Its really unfair to the high needs babies, the daycare provider and most of all to the other children in care that are well suited to that environment. When these high needs babies are forced into the wrong environment by parents who don't get it they are causing the other children in care to be borderline neglected.

If I knew my son was not crying but screaming most of the day (I'm talking well after an adjustment period)-I would take him out of care and stay home with him. It makes me a little annoyed that these affluent families can afford the kind of care their child needs but just refuse to do it out of cheapness. It really hurts the other children. I am lucky because I only had my son in addition to this baby.

They are sending him to a daycare with 5-7 other little ones. There is no doubt in my mind that this provider is going to have a tough time with him. I can't believe knowing what they know about their son that they would force him into a daycare situation with those ratios.
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daycarediva 11:32 AM 04-15-2016
I wouldnt say a word. They are going to HAVE to hear NO MANY, MANY times before they GET it. Not just you- he will most likely go through multiple providers- I wouldn't keep him after the trial period, and neither would most other providers.

I would smile, shut the door and have a glass of wine his last day!

Let them appreciate what you did for them- after the fact.
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KiwiKids 03:26 PM 04-15-2016
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I wouldnt say a word. They are going to HAVE to hear NO MANY, MANY times before they GET it. Not just you- he will most likely go through multiple providers- I wouldn't keep him after the trial period, and neither would most other providers.

I would smile, shut the door and have a glass of wine his last day!

Let them appreciate what you did for them- after the fact.
Exactly! No matter how nicely you put it or well intentioned it is they won't listen or appreciate it until they learn the lesson the hard way.
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winecountrymom 08:03 PM 04-15-2016
I think your right, I should just count myself lucky its over. Part of me feels guilty still, I feel bad for the little guy. I can't imagine his needs being met in daycare setting with more than one other baby. But you know, he's not my child and its their decision.

Surely I have plenty on my plate with everything I have going on in my life, I shouldn't feel responsible for the poor choices other people make with their kiddos...
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Tags:crying all day, high needs baby, rage baby
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