Feeling Sad . . . . .

[momofboys]

I care for two families. I thought family #1 was great & liked us a lot. I do a LOT for this family & don;t charge them much IMO. I do lots of extras for them, we do treaure hunts with the big kids, I work on preschool with the 4 year old when she is here (0nly here 2 days a week), am lenient to a fault with them being late on occasion. One thing I have never really clicked with the dad. He's made several comments that make me label him as a neanderthal/redneck. I think he thinks children are 100% the mother's job to deal with. I am also 100% sure that he thinks I make too much $ even though I only charge @ $2.50/hr per child. Hmmmmm anyway he is really a quiet person & I try to give people the benefit of the doubt when you don;t talk to them much. Mom handles 99% of the drop-offs/pick-ups ---I think dad has picked up maybe 2-3x in the 7 months I have cared for their kids. Anyway, tonight & tomorrow dad will be picking up. He is normally late & mom usually pays me Mon evening for this week of work so he won't have the check I am sure. And to top it off their school age son (age 8) told me this morning that his dad didn't like us anymore (son's words, not sure what dad really said of course) & didn't agree with me doing time-outs. He thinks I should spank. No offense to anyone who spanks but I won't spank a DC kid!!! And I rarely, if ever, spank my own kids. Maybe have done it 1-2 x tops. I certainly would never do it for any DC children. I guess I am feeling very disheartened as if no one appreciates the things I do do so luittle money. So when dad comes should I confront him, I mean if he has a problem I wish he would tell me & not let his son do the dirty work. I think I will try to kill him with kindness, if I am able. I am not a really outgoing person either so I tend to come across as shy sometimes. Please give me some encouragement if you are able. I am feeling frustrated!

[Carole's Daycare]

Sorry you're having trouble w/ this family. I know exactly how you feel in the unappreciated department. I think in some ways it comes w/ the job. Parents get frustrated dealing w/ their angels for a couple waking hours a day and on weekends, but expect us w/ our 12-15 hr days to never need a beak or a pick me up. If he's the neanderthal type and really doesn't value your work, there isn't much you can do to change that. Quite likely he feels the same about other providers as well- it isn't you. I have a family w/ a dad like that that thinks I'm paid to much, doesn't like my holidays or time off etc. I resent his attitude, but its the mom I deal with most and I just deal w/ his attitude. As long as the bill gets paid, what he gripes about at home and the kids repeat may just be blowing off steam due to budget issues or wishing he had time to do his own thing without paying extra for it and didn't have to rush to get kids on time. Personally, I'm not big on confronting dad if he has attitude. I'd be more likely to mention to mom if I've had good relationship with that "Johnny mentioned his dad says he doesn't like me- did he misunderstand or is their something that's bothering (DAD) that I should know about? Do we need a conference?

[safechner]

Don't feel sad. I would say I believe your 8 year old dcb's word because I think his dad tried to make him to say that to you and make you look bad or guilty. Don't be. I am sure he is playing the game with you. If I were you, I will tell him I am so sorry to hear that but that is your dad's problem, not mine. It happens to me once. I had dcb (6 years old) told me that his dad don't like me at all and I told him that is ok that is his problem. After that, his dad started to be nice to me since I watched his children for past three years. I know that is strange but you have to be strong. I have to get stronger everyday. Hope that helps!

[momofboys]

Originally Posted by Carole's Daycare

Sorry you're having trouble w/ this family. I know exactly how you feel in the unappreciated department. I think in some ways it comes w/ the job. Parents get frustrated dealing w/ their angels for a couple waking hours a day and on weekends, but expect us w/ our 12-15 hr days to never need a beak or a pick me up. If he's the neanderthal type and really doesn't value your work, there isn't much you can do to change that. Quite likely he feels the same about other providers as well- it isn't you. I have a family w/ a dad like that that thinks I'm paid to much, doesn't like my holidays or time off etc. I resent his attitude, but its the mom I deal with most and I just deal w/ his attitude. As long as the bill gets paid, what he gripes about at home and the kids repeat may just be blowing off steam due to budget issues or wishing he had time to do his own thing without paying extra for it and didn't have to rush to get kids on time. Personally, I'm not big on confronting dad if he has attitude. I'd be more likely to mention to mom if I've had good relationship with that "Johnny mentioned his dad says he doesn't like me- did he misunderstand or is their something that's bothering (DAD) that I should know about? Do we need a conference?

Thanks, I think you are right that it wouldn't be best to talk w/dad about it. We'd likely just argue. I deal with mom most of the time & she is great & does seem appreciative of all we do. I think I will just be my normal kind self when he comes for pick up & ask mom about it later in the week. I should have known dad would be this way b/c wife told me dad was happy I didn;t charge for vacations/holidays. That was a big red flag to me right away. Thanks for trying to lighten my mood!

[momofboys]

Originally Posted by safechner

Don't feel sad. I would say I believe your 8 year old dcb's word because I think his dad tried to make him to say that to you and make you look bad or guilty. Don't be. I am sure he is playing the game with you. If I were you, I will tell him I am so sorry to hear that but that is your dad's problem, not mine. It happens to me once. I had dcb (6 years old) told me that his dad don't like me at all and I told him that is ok that is his problem. After that, his dad started to be nice to me since I watched his children for past three years. I know that is strange but you have to be strong. I have to get stronger everyday. Hope that helps!

I did tell the boy that I was sorry to hear that (I really was!!) & asked him if he liked coming to us (he said yes!). I went on to say that I am not permitted to spank a child in my care other than my own children if I choose. I went on to tell the child that it's fine for some parents to spank & others to not spank. Parents have their choice to see as they feel fit.

[momofboys]

Originally Posted by safechner

Don't feel sad. I would say I believe your 8 year old dcb's word because I think his dad tried to make him to say that to you and make you look bad or guilty. Don't be. I am sure he is playing the game with you. If I were you, I will tell him I am so sorry to hear that but that is your dad's problem, not mine. It happens to me once. I had dcb (6 years old) told me that his dad don't like me at all and I told him that is ok that is his problem. After that, his dad started to be nice to me since I watched his children for past three years. I know that is strange but you have to be strong. I have to get stronger everyday. Hope that helps!

Wow, it only took him 3 years to warm up to you!!! :-)

[originalkat]

Originally Posted by Carole's Daycare

Sorry you're having trouble w/ this family. I know exactly how you feel in the unappreciated department. I think in some ways it comes w/ the job. Parents get frustrated dealing w/ their angels for a couple waking hours a day and on weekends, but expect us w/ our 12-15 hr days to never need a beak or a pick me up. If he's the neanderthal type and really doesn't value your work, there isn't much you can do to change that. Quite likely he feels the same about other providers as well- it isn't you. I have a family w/ a dad like that that thinks I'm paid to much, doesn't like my holidays or time off etc. I resent his attitude, but its the mom I deal with most and I just deal w/ his attitude. As long as the bill gets paid, what he gripes about at home and the kids repeat may just be blowing off steam due to budget issues or wishing he had time to do his own thing without paying extra for it and didn't have to rush to get kids on time. Personally, I'm not big on confronting dad if he has attitude. I'd be more likely to mention to mom if I've had good relationship with that "Johnny mentioned his dad says he doesn't like me- did he misunderstand or is their something that's bothering (DAD) that I should know about? Do we need a conference?

I agree with Caroles advice wholeheartedly!

[gbcc]

I would also ask mom, if you have the better relationship with her. Dad could have innocently said something like. 'She needs to spank you.' I think I'd like her more if she spanked you and didn't put you in time out'' you just never know what parents say or what their kids hear. Don't get too upset until you speak to mom.

I had a 7 year old boy once that was a naughty little booger. He was very violent and he was sick as a baby and mom used that excuse for every behavior problem. Well, I don't believe in excuses. He was forever in time out or taken away from certain kids he would try to hurt. He told me one day that his mom said time outs needed to stop. I told him that was up to him, no me. About a wk later mom called to tell me grandma would be picking the child up and she had my check. The child then told me that mom told him to tell me that today would be his last day because she warned me about time outs! I thought it was funny. Grandma showed and she got a laugh out of it too! I looked at the check and sure enough it was the wk owed plus 2 additional wks!! lol, how immature! That poor child is all I can say!

[mac60]

Wow, interesting story. As a parent born in the 60's I am appaled at how today's parent think what they are doing is called raising a child and disciplining. I was in Walmart the other day and heard a child having a holy hell of a fit. We were fortunate enough to pass one another in the store....you could hear this girl everywhere in there. She was probably about 3. As I have always told my own kids.....you want to act like that....I will give you something to cry about.....why do parents allow this behavior. Take the little brat to the bathroom and spank her butt. Ignoring the child and just pushing them around the store allowing their behavior to continue is absolutely wrong. There are so many lazy stupid parents out there today.

[gbcc]

Those are the same parents that blame TV and rap music!

[mac60]

What happened to when a child does something wrong the child being punished, disciplined, given a consequence, what ever you want to call it, and I am not talking time out and redirection, as it is apparent that those types of so called discipline do not work on the vast majority of kids. There is something to be said about that paddle that hung on my grandma's front porch.

[momofboys]

Originally Posted by mac60

What happened to when a child does something wrong the child being punished, disciplined, given a consequence, what ever you want to call it, and I am not talking time out and redirection, as it is apparent that those types of so called discipline do not work on the vast majority of kids. There is something to be said about that paddle that hung on my grandma's front porch.

I agree with you. I was spanked as a child & believe me I had respect for my parents & wouldn't even consider saying a harsh word to them. Although I don;t do it very often I have spanked my own kids when I felt it was warranted. But it's not my place to spank their kids. I personally don't think they get much discipline at all, at least not at their own home but here I don't allow them to be disrespectful to me which unfortunately they are a lot. I think that is what makes me the saddest. Last week the one girl who I do preschool work with had filled up her sticker chart (been working for over a month) & as a reward I had purchased a small jigsaw puzzle for her (age-appropriate, had 30 some pieces) & she told me she didn't like it & went on to say what she would have prefered. On another occasion I made homemade cupcakes & the son said they were disgusting. You get the idea. I'm sure it is a trickle-down effect from the parents. I'm just tired of going above & beyond & getting no thanks in return! Where's the respect & gratitude??!

[momofboys]

Originally Posted by mac60

i'm sorry, my post was meant as a general statement. I know we can not spank dc kids. But in reality, we should be able to as they are in our care much more than in the parents care.

I am sure you feel bad in the responses you get for your kindness. I guess we providers...most of us probably anyways, fall into the category of give give give and we don't really expect anything in return. Keep smiling, and know that you are a great provider.

thank you!!!

[GretasLittleFriends]

Originally Posted by mac60

Wow, interesting story. As a parent born in the 60's I am appaled at how today's parent think what they are doing is called raising a child and disciplining. I was in Walmart the other day and heard a child having a holy hell of a fit. We were fortunate enough to pass one another in the store....you could hear this girl everywhere in there. She was probably about 3. As I have always told my own kids.....you want to act like that....I will give you something to cry about.....why do parents allow this behavior. Take the little brat to the bathroom and spank her butt. Ignoring the child and just pushing them around the store allowing their behavior to continue is absolutely wrong. There are so many lazy stupid parents out there today.

Your screaming girl in the store made me think of my own daughter (age 14 now) years ago. She was about 2. I was shopping (ironically at Walmart). I was shopping for a bday gift for my mom, and in the perfume isle. My little "angel" kept reaching out for the pretty glass bottles. I told her several times to leave them alone. The isle wasn't wide enough to go down the middle without her reaching one side or the other... Needless to say she broke a bottle of perfume and I immediately smacked her little fingers. A woman saw me and called the police and reported me for abusing my child. I had to talk with the officer who showed up. He happened to be someone I knew, and basically told me next time to take her to the bathroom and spank her in the stall instead. I did NOT get in trouble for what I had done. To this day, I still believe I'm more traumatized by the experience than my daughter ever was.

[mac60]

Thanks for sharing the story. Unfortunately, the woman that called was way out of line. She should of been arrested for being so stupid.....Children need disciplined.

[safechner]

Originally Posted by janarae

I did tell the boy that I was sorry to hear that (I really was!!) & asked him if he liked coming to us (he said yes!). I went on to say that I am not permitted to spank a child in my care other than my own children if I choose. I went on to tell the child that it's fine for some parents to spank & others to not spank. Parents have their choice to see as they feel fit.

That is good. That is all matter if your dcb liked coming to you then you dont have to worry about that. Be strong.


Otherwise, I know it takes a while for the father like me but after few months later, he had crush on me. He told me he wanted me so bad and I told him I am so sorry to hear that but I am married. He knows that. Of course, my husband knew. A few weeks later, I let them go because I wouldn't comfortable for him to try touch my hands or anything else. I can't image like that but he have a wife. Crazy huh??

[misol]

safechener, nothing good could have come from that situation. That was very disrespectful of him and the only appropriate action was to terminate.