How Do You Say No?

[justgettingstarted]

I have a tendency to adopt the most pathetic animals, the ones that need the most care, cost the most, and that are the most frustrating to live with - in other words, the ones that no one else would take. So, when I read the post from earlier today about the mom calling asking for care for her newborn for something like 14 hours a day so that she could go to the gym, it got me thinking. There's a good chance my tendency with animals will likely spill over into running a daycare. If I knew of a baby that clearly so desperately needed a constant, stable, loving mommy-figure in her life I would probably want to sign her up that day. Of course, this is a horrible idea, I know this. So, how do you all manage to keep a clear head in situations like this and just say no. Did any of you have these feelings when you first started? Did you learn through experience? I know myself and this could be a struggle for me.

[cheerfuldom]

Am I right in thinking we all feel like this? but the more experience you get, I think the better you are at prioritizing your needs and that almost always means not keeping these type of families. My first DC kid ever was this exact kid. I got her at 4 or 5 weeks (I would never take a baby that young now!) and she was such a sad little thing. Super, super needy and I think the big part of it was just that she needed her mom a lot more and was not getting that bond and attachment. I finally had to term her a year later when she was just as needy as the first day I got her. I could not keep her anymore because she was so territorial of me that she would cry pitifully when I had to nurse my own newborn. She never wanted to go home and attached to me in a way that was not healthy (because I was not her mom!). The best thing for me and my own newborn was to term this family. She was very important to me but my own sanity and my own newborn were much more important. I could not do it any longer. She had a fresh start at a new place and I have seen her a bit since then (its been about 2 years) and I think it was the best choice for all of us. You say no to these situations by knowing your limits and priorities.

[Cat Herder]

I always put it to the priority/goals test.

1. What is my number one priority, what are my goals? (different at different life stages)

2. Will this hinder or support my top priority or goals?


When I was first starting out, establishing a name/reputation in the community, paying off debt and obtaining hands on/life experience WERE my goals (before I had my kids) so the Long Hours, Flexible Payment Plans/Discounts, "Off" Schedules and Difficult Clients were completely acceptable. I LOVED the challenge.

Many years later, time with my family, maintaining a clean home so my kids can invite friends over, providing a balanced diet/consistent family mealtime, and saving for college/retirement became my goals. Drop-in, Part-Time, After-School, Extended Hours, Flexible Payment Plans and Difficult Clients no longer work with my priorities.

All the hard work from previous years is what enables me to have a full waiting list and still meet my goals, It did NOT come easy.

I hope that makes sense....

[nannyde]

I think when we come across situations like this we DO have a very important role with that parent even if it is all in one email or one phone call. The service to them is to tell them NO. Tell them WHY you would not do it.

That may be the best gift you could ever give this baby that you haven't even met yet. Unfortunately some people need to have the life experience of having one person after another saying "I won't do that. I won't be a part of that. I can't have a child in my home that many hours a day because it's not healthy for them to be in child care that many hours a day.

[kitkat]

Originally Posted by Catherder

I always put it to the priority/goals test.

1. What is my number one priority, what are my goals? (different at different life stages)

2. Will this hinder or support my top priority or goals?


When I was first starting out, establishing a name/reputation in the community, paying off debt and obtaining hands on/life experience WERE my goals (before I had my kids) so the Long Hours, Flexible Payment Plans/Discounts, "Off" Schedules and Difficult Clients were completely acceptable. I LOVED the challenge.

Many years later, time with my family, maintaining a clean home so my kids can invite friends over, providing a balanced diet/consistent family mealtime, and saving for college/retirement became my goals. Drop-in, Part-Time, After-School, Extended Hours, Flexible Payment Plans and Difficult Clients no longer work with my priorities.

All the hard work from previous years is what enables me to have a full waiting list and still meet my goals, It did NOT come easy.

I hope that makes sense....

I love how you phrased this! It makes perfect sense!

[christinaskids]

Just get a little more selfish. Its not such a bad thing I am the same way and after a few years of it i am just sick and tired. So you can say no now or get sick and tired later.