HELP...So Frustrated

[Oneluckymom]

I have a DCB (2yrs) who has been with me for a month now. When he arrives he wants me to hold him or sit on my lap. If I don't do either he chases me screaming. He follows me everywhere. If he sees me go to another room blocked with a gate, he stands at the gate screaming.

More problematic...he wakes up an hour into nap and screams because I'm not by his side and usually will not go back to sleep.

I try to ignore his demands as much as possible. What else can I do.

[nannyde]

full or part time?

[Oneluckymom]

Full Time nannyde

[Oneluckymom]

I've also been working on this same little boy with:

No throwing toys

No hitting

No kicking

...he looks at me and says (not lying) ...Huh? Time out almost has little effect.

[nannyde]

A month is enough time to acclimate to you. He's a human baby who is designed to adapt to his environment. He's had at least twenty exposures to you for full day care days so he should GET that he's safe and the environment is good.

Time to have him focus on the other children and the toys. When he comes in the door don't have him sit on your lap. Just usher him into what he needs to do and have him get at it.

He can't have his own adult. He wants to be physically close to you because YOU are the best gig in the house. Show him the best gig is the other kids and the toys.

[Oneluckymom]

Do you have any ideas for nap time? What should I do? He wants me to sit by his side and not just pat his back and walk away.

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by Oneluckymom

Do you have any ideas for nap time? What should I do? He wants me to sit by his side and not just pat his back and walk away.

I would NOT sit with a kid at nap time. No way. Might as well have them up.

Can you put him in a pack n play?

[Oneluckymom]

I would really rather not have him in a pack n play. Everyone has done the transition to the cot. Yeah, I will probably have to have him up instead.

Thanks nannyde!!

When the little boy arrives I would spend some time sitting with him, perhaps reading a story. Then I would involve him with an activity. I would stay with him for the first minute or two of the activity and then move on. I would offer a comment or verbal encouragements a minute or two thereafter.

If the boy falls back asleep at nap, I would sit near him reading or doing paperwork until he fell back asleep. If he was up for the afternoon, he would get books and/or quiet toys.

Hitting: Be firm. Down on his level. Look in the eye. Firm, "No hitting" every time. Same for kicking.

I would do the same for throwing toys. I would be firm and redirect into an acceptable activity. I would provide LOTS of opportunities to throw balls outside where it is safe.

[MizzCheryl]

Girl listen to Nannyde. Do not pet him and give in to this. He knows exactly what you are telling him. Set him straight and tell him what you want him to do. Do not ever carry him around.

[Heidi]

I would definately put him back in the pnp. I don't know what it serves to have him on a mat if that means his sleep isn't complete. It just makes it harder for you, harder for the other kids, and harder for him because he's still tired and cranky. Kiss, hug, sleep time until YOU say nap is over. Then you very sweetly tell everyone "nap is over, it's time to get up". If he yells before that, you go to him and whisper..."it is still nap time. I will come get you when nap is over" He can cry, scream, play, sleep, play with his hands, sing songs, or whatever. That is his choice. You, however, decide when nap time is done.

I agree with Nanny that you really need to give him the message that HE"S OK. A quick hug hello, peel him off momma, and then send him on his way. Is there something he really likes a lot? My 2yo dcb is loves anything with wheels. Maybe if you could figure out his "thing" (besides you), it would help.

The minute he is NOT CRYING or whining, I would go stroke his hair, or squat down next to him and comment on what he is doing. Reinforce any sign of autonomy with postitive messages. If he holds up his arms and screams, at least try to say something like "I will pick you up when you stop yelling", and then wait until he stops for a second even. He is conditioned to think he NEEDS YOU, but he doesn't need you every second. He really is capable of entertaining himself. He just needs to believe that!

Does he ever walk away from you? Many kids will insist their adult stay with them...they scream and cry when the adult moves away, but when THEY feel like it, they wander off. If that's the case, it's a control thing, not a fear. How does he behave with Mom?

[Oneluckymom]

Yes, he will wonder off and play on his own. But it's like he's got one eye on my at all times. As soon as I'm out of his line of vision he's running after me. I think it is a control thing too.
I believe he does this with his parents too. Mom commented to me last week that she had trouble cooking dinner because he insisted on being held. When she doesn't pick him up he will grab at her legs or fall on the floor holding her feet. He has not done that to me...yet!

[DaisyMamma]

Originally Posted by Oneluckymom

Yes, he will wonder off and play on his own. But it's like he's got one eye on my at all times. As soon as I'm out of his line of vision he's running after me. I think it is a control thing too.
I believe he does this with his parents too. Mom commented to me last week that she had trouble cooking dinner because he insisted on being held. When she doesn't pick him up he will grab at her legs or fall on the floor holding her feet. He has not done that to me...yet!

I bet she gives in every time and picks him up.