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  #1  
Old 08-26-2007, 11:22 PM
judy judy is offline
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Angry Biting @ Daycare

I am very concerned about a situation at a licensed daycare center. What is the policy on handling a child who is biting other children multiple times daily? The child I am concerned about has been bitten multiple times daily, breaking the skin and bruising on 9 days in a short period of time by the same child. He is not the only child @ the day care who is being bitten. Also, the aggressive child who does the biting is also kicking other children. When I talked to the staff they said there was nothing they could do. I believe this is a staffing issue. It has become such an issue that I have filed a report with Department of Social Services. What information can you give me? Where do I find this information?
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  #2  
Old 08-26-2007, 11:26 PM
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Exclamation Biting for what Reason?

Here is a piece that I found on the internet for why children bite:

It happens in all daycare.

Very young children are often biters not so much out of anger but out of frustration at not being able to speak. They know they are supposed to use their mouths, so they use them differently. Generally, biting clears up when a child can make his/her needs known in language.

Here is one course of action that is effective with children under three. One teacher is assigned to "shadow" the biter. If one teacher is with that child constantly, it is very often possible to restrain the biter when you see him/her getting ready to bite. Then you repeat the rule -"We do not bite. We use words." (If the child has no words, you can say them yourself. "I know you're angry because you can't use that toy right now, right? But you cannot bite for ANY reason.")

Then you can remove the child from the situation if it is warranted. Sometimes, if you've stopped the bite before it's occurred, the child can continue to play.
Now, this works only if the child is watched CONSTANTLY, which is a very difficult task. It's best to have teachers take turns being the shadow. If you have the luxury of enough teachers, however, this is an effective method of helping a biter to stop biting and start talking.

Last edited by Michael; 08-26-2007 at 11:29 PM.
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  #3  
Old 08-26-2007, 11:37 PM
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Lightbulb he or she may be expelled

If reasonable efforts have been made and the child continues to bite and hit children or staff, I believe that he or she may be expelled from the daycare. The staff should first try to work with the parents to see if there are reasonable ways of curbing the behavior. Each situation must be considered individually.
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  #4  
Old 08-28-2007, 10:27 AM
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Default

same exact thing happened to us. they told us the same things. could not even tell us which child bit our child.
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  #5  
Old 08-28-2007, 01:53 PM
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Children in daycare are too be watched at all times. Of course they can do something about it. They can watch the child and when he/she starts too bite another child, they should remove the biter from the area and explain that he/she can not bite....period. If that doesn't work after a few days, the child should be removed for the other children in care too be safe. I would also ask too speak too the parents of that child, if mine was on the other end of those bites.
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  #6  
Old 10-02-2007, 06:18 PM
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Angry My kids a victim too

I don't get whay day care's keep around these aggresive children. In a matter of one weeks time my daughter has been bit 2X by the same 3 year old bully. This Bully is hitting and pinching the teacher, tackled antoher student and was pulled off just before biting. The school made me feel as if it was Okay because the other child has been with the day care longer and her mother pays more money for her to be there. Can I go through the state to fix this problem since the school seem to want to sweep it under the rug?
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  #7  
Old 10-02-2007, 07:40 PM
Kelly
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Exclamation Unruly Children that Bite and Hit Others

It is up to the daycare to separate the untruly child. I would think that after the third incident that the daycare has the right to remove the child from the class. You might want to check with your state's regulations at:

http://daycare.com/states.html
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  #8  
Old 10-04-2007, 10:28 AM
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I can tell you why aggressive behavior is allowed.
Providers may not like what I am about to share, but it is the truth...
States are pushing towards child led everything. They have taken the rights away for any punishment except time outs. Sure, they can oust the child out of their program, but if competition is stiff, they aren't going to want to give up their income. Then you have Quality ratings. They set the standard for this 1,2,3,4, or 5 star quality that everybody wants to receive so badly because it means they can carry that title. But, do you realize that within this quality ratings, you are so limited on what you can and can't do with children, including what and how you teach. A child expressing aggressive behavior must be left alone, and area cleared so as not to hurt him/herself. That's right, let them have their fit... it's okayyy. Don't make them do ANYTHING they don't want to do... it's all child led. Check out what high scope learning is all about, you'll see some of what I am describing. It'll blow your mind. They tell us that preschoolers shouldn't be taught fundamentals, like letters and numbers (they'll learn that soon and easy enough in K.) and they aren't ready for that kind of structure, it's too hard for them. BUT, let the child lead what you teach. Oh, yes... never teach anything that has clear cut answers, always teach open-ended subjects, where there is no wrong answer, and take away any games that are competition so they don't "experience losing" rather, don't teach them to be a good sport, so we will just make sure that there are enough chairs out when playing musical chairs and never take one out when the music stops. It makes my head spin. Then we wonder, why are there so many aggressive children, no manners, no values? It's because the parents aren't with their children enough and teachers aren't allowed to teach. That's why.
Oh, by the way... I am a preschool teacher with an education. I refuse to be conformed by their low standards and low expectations of children. The children in my preschool are well behaved, happy, and know how to be a friend, and have fun, even when they are the ones left standing when playing musical chairs.
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  #9  
Old 10-25-2007, 11:59 AM
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Default My child is a biter and I am at wits end

I apologize to all of the victims of bites, but please do not think that the parents of the biter are not good parents. I am saddened that my child hurts others when threatened or when he wants his way and we did not teach him this behavior. He is disciplined at school with time outs and we also discipline at home when he bites at school. My son does not just go around biting children; he bites in times of conflict with another child. We are working with him to use his words and talk to the daycare workers when conflicts occur, but we must also remember that it is harder for some children to master self-control and using words in times of frustration. I know that parents of the biter feel terrible about it and we are parents just like you wanting our children to learn appropriate ways of playing with other children. I work and so does my husband, my child should not be kicked out of daycare. We should instead work together with constant reminders and praise of positive behaviors, time-outs when biting occurs and increased supervision during times of close free play with other children. Especially if it particularly one child who is being bitten. My child has not bitten as much as some of the stories you have mentioned, just having some difficulty with one child in particular during playtime and it has happened 5 times in the past month. Praying for all children and their parents the bitees and the biters.
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  #10  
Old 10-25-2007, 12:19 PM
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Wink Biting In Daycare

Well said. It happens in all Daycare. Many parents of bitten children think that the biting child or the parent has a problem in the home. Children who can not, or are too young, to express themselves, do so by biting. This is normal. They are in a new environment which can be both frustrating and make a child anxious. It is important at that time to make sure the provider takes the time to adjust the child in expressing themselves more effectively. Limited separation is fine. Expelling a child should used only be a last resort. Understanding is what is needed.

Last edited by Michael; 10-25-2007 at 12:22 PM.
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  #11  
Old 11-01-2007, 12:17 PM
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Unhappy My son does it too

Yesterday my son got kicked out of the daycare, let me explain the story. When my son was born i had to put him in a daycare, he was not but a few months old when a little girl a year and a half older then him started biting him, well the provider would never tell us about it or produce reports, so one day i decided to watch her, the little girl walked up to my son and bit him on the back 2 times, the provider was staring at her the whole time this is going on, she did not fuss the little girl but instead fussed my son who did nothing. so i took him out of there and put him in another daycare, well he started biting there, but it wasn't all the time, accually the only time he would bite was when he was biten first, well yesterday he bite a little boy in the face, the daycare called me up and told me i needed to pick up my son and he was no longer welcomed back, when i got there she had all of his stuff in a bag waiting for me at the front door. i was irate with this, then i called her later to find out about something else and she proceeded to tell me that they excluded him from the halloween party and made him watch the other kids in there costumes and getting candy while he was being punished and waiting for me. what would you do in my situation
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  #12  
Old 11-01-2007, 01:32 PM
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Unhappy Son was Kicked out of Daycare

Sadly, our son was kicked out of a private school when he was 6 years old. It was nothing more than his crying which disrupted the class. There is nothing that we can do but change the environment of our children to a more harmonious one. It seems like we are always searching for an adequate and understanding place for our children to learn but it is hard to find the right one. Most daycare are private businesses and we need to remember that. There are state requirements that must be followed but the bottom line is that it is a business and some operators do not want any disruption or can not handle it adequately. For those children that "don't fit in" we should continue looking for a one that has a true interest in the advancement of our kids. Otherwise homeschooling might be an option. It is a sacrifice of a parent's time but well worth the effort and time spent on life’s most precious gift
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  #13  
Old 11-05-2007, 07:42 AM
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Exclamation Biting / Preschool

I too am an educated, degreed preschool teacher. My classroom is harmonious and CHILD CENTERED. We have had a few behavior problems (mostly pushing, pinching, etc)

Let me first explain that young children do not necessarily have the vocabulary to express themselves. It is our duty to help these children find THEIR words. This can be a daunting task for children (and adults.) When an adult is angry, we have the ability to calm ourselves; this is not the case with very young children. They are still learning coping techniques. Empower these children by reviewing rules daily, posting visual signs to remind them, create social stories to read.

Also, allow me to speak for a moment on HOW young children learn. Young children learn through play. They construct knowledge through manipulating the world around them. Worksheets do little to increase a young child's knowledge. Worksheets and 'concepts' are abstract and young children are unable to think abstractly. Young children are concrete thinkers.
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  #14  
Old 11-06-2007, 11:38 AM
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Lightbulb The Classroom that is Harmonious and CHILD CENTERED

Well said! Would love to hear more on your techniques and scheduling the children in your school.
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  #15  
Old 11-07-2007, 01:09 PM
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Default child biting at daycare

As an educated Director of a daycare, I understand where parents are coming from. We have had many biters in our time, one was asked to leave. This child was placed with a nanny that had one other child, so the child could be closely monitored. It seemed to work for her.
Yet, for the daycare it comes down to ratio's of staff to children. Different states have different ratio's. It would be great if in a class of 8 toddlers with 2 teachers that one of the teachers could shadow the child all day. But then the other teacher now has 7 children to watch. I have watched a biter diligently and it just takes a quick turn of the childs head and the bite is given.
I would recommend that the parents talk to the teachers. If the teachers don't seem to care, then talk to the Director. If the Director doesn't care, you probably want to find another center. If they don't care about the biting, what else don't they care about?
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  #16  
Old 11-13-2007, 04:36 PM
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Default frustrated mom

I am the mother of an a very sweet 18 month old that started biting shortly after starting daycare two months ago. Until then he had only been cared for by family or friends. He loves to play and cuddle, cries when we leave the room- I thought it was the perfect time for him to enter an environment with organized play while everyone stays in the same room! He started to bite his older sibs at home and quickly stopped doing so after stern words and a short “time out”. The day care director assures me that his biting is not out of anger, aggression or frustrated. I have addressed HALTS with her (common reasons for toddler to bite, including Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Teething, or Sleepy), adding a late snack-that he may or may not get. No new teeth and 4 hour naps rule out the other two. I have attached a pacifier to his shirt-which he never used before. I have even had an early prevention professional come in and assess him and the class. She claims the reason he bites seems to be related to his lack of communication-despite his use of sign language. Still he continues to bite, sometimes twice in one hour. Today I was told he was a “danger to the classroom”. It is becoming my belief that some settings just might not be a good fit for a particular child/personality. Maybe the “lonely” aspect of HALTS is not being addressed. And if these child care professionals are so frustrated with my child, are they really providing optimal care?
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  #17  
Old 12-05-2007, 08:34 AM
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Unfortunatly that's the flaw of the daycare/working parent system. It's just not ideal. I have no doubt that most daycare providers do their best, but they still have to care for mutliple children at once which is hard for anyone. The truth is if you put your child into child care you're going to have to be prepared for these types of things to happen. If you're unhappy with the situation find a different one. Either pay top dollar for one with low ratios or stay home with your child.
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  #18  
Old 01-29-2008, 02:13 PM
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First off, I am going to say that my son has had the habit of biting, along with other undesirable aggressive behavior at daycare. This seems to have increased over the last year since he was transitioned over into a new classroom. Secondly I want to say that no, my son does not bite at home. He's a typical toddler with his mood swings and acts of frustration, but he doesn't dare to bite anyone at home.

Thirdly, please don't consider these small children bullies because they haven't yet learned how to effectively and properly deal with their frustration. Nothing is more frustrating than being the parent of a biter and not being able to do anything when the daycare providers don't seem to care one way or another.

I've had discussions with his teacher about his biting. I've given her some tips to try to help prevent his biting other children. His teacher puts him in time out and that's it. She's seen how I discipline him: time out, then I get down to his level and explain that biting hurts our friends and we don't like to hurt the people we care about. But the providers unfortunately don't have time to watch every child closely. That's understandable.

My son no longer bites other children. He's getting better at expressing his frustrations and we're moving him to another daycare where the ratio is better than 10:1.

At this stage, biting and aggressive behavior is something that our children eventually grow out of. The behavior has no bearing on parenting abilities, education level or development of the aggressive child.

And to answer an earlier mention of why the daycare wouldn't provide the name of the child that did the biting.. think of it this way

Your child bit another child
That child's parent found out it was your child that did it
The parent confronts you and questions your abilities as a parent
(add any other kind of scenario)
It's for the protection of the child (and the parent, IMO)
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  #19  
Old 02-20-2008, 06:06 AM
MOM WHO HAD ENOUGH
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Exclamation Here's What I Did ~ It Worked

my son was repeatedly bitten, hit, etc by a bigger child. i complained and got all the same responses and "lines". i finally told them they needed to give the other parents a heads up because i was going to file an assault charge against the child the next time he touched my child. (not that i would have) but would you believe it stopped instantly and completely?

hmmmmmm?
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  #20  
Old 03-19-2008, 02:12 PM
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Default Just a Sticky situation

As a director I can say that this is always a sticky situation. We are not allowed to tell who bit either. This policy protects all families in the center. Kids do bite for several reasons so it is hard to have an iron clad policy. Dismissal is the last resort but sometimes necessary when looking out for a whole group. We can't make everyone happy we either have the biter's parents upset with us for not handling the situation or the one that got bit parents all upset about what we are going to do to fix it. It depends on why their biting, where, how hard, how frequent. Just because we have to occasionally disenroll children for biting does not mean we do not care about the kids or if we keep a biter that we are just in it for the finances. Hence, we are always in the middle of a sticky situation. Shadowing sounds great but is usually not reasonable in a group setting with ratios. There is no set answer for this problem but if your childcare has been reasonable then try to understand the decisions that they have to make. It is just a part of life and being vendictive and filling complaints and making threats is just silly and a waste of perfectly good energy that could be used to better your child's situation.
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  #21  
Old 03-19-2008, 04:53 PM
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Question How should a teacher respond

Our toddler is being bitten by another baby in day care in his back and the bites are very bad and he has started kicking, biting and slapping me now also. I am more concerned about what the teacher does in this situation when he/he becomes aware of it. I am very worried that my son is taught that biting is not OK and that what happened to him is explained in a way he can understand - I do not want him to do the same thing to others as a reaction which is already the case. What are daycare teacher taught on this?
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  #22  
Old 03-26-2008, 05:03 AM
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I removed my child from one center because my child was bitten 7 times in a course of a month and half after moving up to the toddler room. My ex-center seemed to take NO action, and gave no extra 'eyes' to watch the kid that was biting.
My dd has been in her new center for almost 2 weeks, we haven't had the FIRST bite or the first scratch, bruise, nothing. She was constantly bruised and scratched at the old place.

I think it all boils down to WATCHING the kids.
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  #23  
Old 04-10-2008, 02:44 PM
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Default Crying mom!

So, my son use to bite alot, went to every doctor, shrink known to man. Finally, we got six months and no biting. As of last week, my son bit due to fighting over a toy at daycare. Well, my son is 4 and today he got suspended from school due to a child stating he bit him.
So, what is the best course of action and do they understand punishment and for how long? I am desperate and so tired of the tears.. any help would be great.

Crying Mom

Last edited by Michael; 04-10-2008 at 09:53 PM.
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  #24  
Old 05-22-2008, 05:53 PM
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Default What should I do?

Well, this is my first post to the forums and I wish I didn't have to make it.

I am in a bit of a unique situation I think. My son (5) and daughter (16 months) are in a 5-star, NAEYC accredited learning center that is owned/run by the pharmaceutical company I work for. I DO have to pay for my children's care, but at a reduced rate since I am among the lowest paid employees of the company.

My daughter has become the repeated victim of biting. In the last 2-3 months she has been bitten 7 times. At least 3 of the bites were by the same child, although some of the other bites were from different children. I have spoken to the director of the daycare and she has confirmed that there are several children in the class who are in a biting stage. I understand that it could just as easily hae been my daughter biting other children and that there is very little that can be done to stop the biting, but it is still VERY frustrating. Each bite had left bruises and scrapes, although none of them, luckily, have broken the skin. In EVERY case the reports have stated that the bite was completely unprevoked. The director explained the centers policy to me which amounts to watching the biter when there are extra teachers to put in the room, which is seldom to never.

After the last incident, the center hired an outside counselor to come in for a "bag lunch workshop" for the parents to help them learn thing to do at home to try andchange the biters behavior patterns. The workshop was on Monday and I found out today that not a single parent of any of the biter children came to the workshop. being that this is a company owned daycare, every one of the parent/employees could have easily gotten off work for the workshop.

It seems to me that the parents of the biters don't care about my daughter (and other kids in the class) being bitten over and over again. The daycare is aparently going to do NOTHING else at this time.

Because of the discounted rate, and my wife and my work start times, I can't pull my kids out and put them in a different center, besides which I don't think that my children should have to leave.

Any thoughts/comments/advise would be appreciated.

Thanks
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  #25  
Old 05-27-2008, 02:38 AM
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I know some are not going to like my comments, but, I am from the old school. I feel that if a child bites, especially a child that is 2 years old and up and should understand NO, they deserve to be punished, and I don't mean a time out, I mean a spanking. Haven't parents noticed lately how children act these days. It is because there are no consequences for their bad behavior, and I am sorry, but a time out in the corner for a few minutes is not punishment. Yes, I believe in punishment/consequences for bad behavior. At some point a child will learn, bite someone get spanked. It is amazing how our society the past 15 years has become oblivious to bad behavior out of children. And then when you have the government stepping in and telling parents how they can discipline their children, it is rediculous. Until parents once again own the right to discipline their children for poor behavior, it is going to continue to get worse. And right now it is bad enough.
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  #26  
Old 05-28-2008, 05:19 PM
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I have read this entire thread, thank you for your thoughts. I come from a different perspective. I'm a lead teacher in a room with a child who bites. She is almost 18 months old and has been biting for 6 months now. She bites several times a day, some children getting bitten 3+ times in one day, let alone a week. Other parents are upset, obviously and rightfully so. We are staying at ratio (1 staff to 4 kids) and no matter how much we watch her, she still bites someone. Just the turn of a head is all it takes. She will do it just after nap time, just after eating, when standing next to someone, will walk across the room to find someone to bite, rarely is it over a toy (which is one we do understand), there is no real pattern to her behavior, other than her biting. We've tried the 'no' technique, time out, talking to her, keeping her away from other kids (but then she goes looking for a child to bite), we've given her her pacifier which did work but now she takes it out to bite a child-same with her 'blankie'. What else can a teacher honestly do? I can't watch just her, I have other children in the room as well. I don't want to isolate her, it's not fair for her either. Oh, another catch-the biggest catch of all...she's the director's daughter. Definitely open to ideas!!!
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  #27  
Old 06-05-2008, 04:04 PM
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Default The biggest catch of all...she's the director's daughter!

That is an interesting part of the story. I wonder if she knows her mom is the boss. Maybe she feels she deserves more respect. Why not awarding her the "princess of the day crown" for a day and see if she still bites in that period. Could tell a lot by it IMO.
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  #28  
Old 06-20-2008, 04:25 AM
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Default My child has a biting issue as well.

I echo many of your thoughts and concerns. Everyone, please read the book "No Biting" by Gretchen Kinnell. I think you will find it very helpful. My son has been expelled from three daycares. He started biting at 10 months old and is now 25 months old. (Interesting note: my sone only bites at daycare and usually only his peers as a result of a conflict) Biting does happen, and it is unfortunately an expected behavior. The formentioned book is directed to daycare providers, but as a parent of a child with a biting issue, I found it very helpful. I am a very concerned parent and I have done everything to the best of my knowlege regarding my son's biting, but the answers are not as easy as some of you think. I wish everyone on this thread the best. I could writ a book of my own regarding my experience. Whether you are a parent of a child that has been bitten, a parent of a child that is biting, or a child care provider, we all have a responsibility to helping this behavior cease. Good luck to all!
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  #29  
Old 07-08-2008, 06:57 AM
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My biters have to spend the day at my side! I also have a 3 strikes your out policy! My children are 5 and 15 years old now and when they bit me, i bit them back. And hey guess what, they never, ever did it again! I to agree that they should be punished and not with a time out, but not by me, by there parents! However, if I'm bit by a daycare child, parents will be called and they will have to find other care no notice, no nothing, just take your children and leave! To me it is about respect and children must learn that early in life. And for the parents out there that just stick there head in the sand and say "Oh really he/she doesn't do that at home.........bull, they do so, you just fail to see it!
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  #30  
Old 07-22-2008, 06:30 PM
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Wink Biting

It depends on the child-and yes the staffing needs to step up and be alert more. No age is acceptable to biting, but it is up to the staff to take action to all ages. I have been a preschool teacher for 18 yrs. A child who is 1-3 uses biting for "feelings-" some are teething, while this is a source of "touch-" however a older 3 yr old does know that biting hurts and will use it out of anger-to redirect any age is the best-the biter needs to be monitored more-and if I were you, honestly-I'd tell the "director" that if something isn't done YES you are filing a report-if your child is the one being bite-are you getting accident reports this is happening? What time? What was the child doing? Etc-all accidents in center-base or in-home should be documented for the safety of the one getting bite, the biter, and the center. BITING is serious-and can be stopped. Hope I pushed you to be more aggressive-your child's safety IS your responsibiliy-STEP UP- :-) I'm behind you.
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  #31  
Old 08-20-2008, 04:59 PM
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Default Bites

Here is what I believe. I get it that children bite. Once, time out, twice - if you call the parents and they no longer have child care, they will take them to the dr or whatever it takes to change the behavior. If the child has a disorder - it can be corrected - hate to say it, but sorry - no daycare. If the parents don't like it, I agree, file a charge against them - either assault or against the parents for neglect. They will take notice and either correct the behavior or take them to a dr.
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  #32  
Old 08-25-2008, 08:42 PM
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Default Severity

I've been quite reasonable with our daycare and not over-reacting to a few bites here and there. Recently, the same child has biten my son 4 times in one week. I can handle small bites out of frustration, due to not having the appropriate communication skills, but it's when the bites become very severe that I cannot stande idle. When you pick your son up and he has a wound on his arm as if someone put his 1 inch arm in a vice and tightened it until it bled, you start to think differently about allowing the biting child to remain amongst the group. Sure, i'm sorry for the parents of the biter and realize i could have been the parent of child with a behavior issue, and may some day be, but that simply does not change the fact that i have to leave my child every morning in a room where another child is waiting to inflict bodily harm to him. When our son was younger, he began developing certain behaviors that ALL kids do. It's what you do in response to those behaviors in combination with your child's developmental capabilities that will either stop them or fail to. I think I've told my son, "Use your words" (signs before speach developed or even just holding him and making him point at what he wanted - lots of trial and error at very young ages), more than 5,000 times in his short two years. Now that he has developed a strong vocabulary, we do not let him get away with ANYTHING unless he manifests his desires in words. If he cries or even whines in the smallest way, he does not get what he wants until he talks in a normal voice, asks nicely, and says thank you. It has changed everything and he is such a good little boy. Some parents may do this but it must be done all the time and in every situation. It also stimulates language development. Tomorrow, we are going to ask our daycare to make some drastic changes to protect our son. I wish we did not have to but I cannot put my son in harms way each day and just go on to work and be content and wait for someone else to fix things.
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  #33  
Old 08-30-2008, 07:53 AM
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Default YOU ARE SOOO WRONG!!! You obviously should not be in charge of kids.

I feel sorry for whoever uses your daycare. I have 3 boys the first 2 never bit but did get bitten-I did not like it but understood that it was part of their growing and learning process. It was resolved with time. Now my 3rd has just changed to a new daycare and has bitten 3 times. They have the same policy and said that one more time and he could not come back. Let me tell you this he is a good little boy and we just withdrew him and are going somewhere where the people are willing to help him and work with him/us to resolve this problem. He has never bitten before and it is a shame that he had a hard time adjusting and was just given up on. so you don't know every situation and each child is different. from someone who has been on both sides of this you should be ashamed of yourself. these are little children that need help and correction not to just be dismissed like a bad dog. They are all little children of god and he loves each one the same. Some just need more work. Good thing he doesn't give up on us so fast hu!!
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My biters have to spend the day at my side! I also have a 3 strikes your out policy! My children are 5 and 15 years old now and when they bit me, i bit them back. And hey guess what, they never, ever did it again! I to agree that they should be punished and not with a time out, but not by me, by there parents! However, if I'm bit by a daycare child, parents will be called and they will have to find other care no notice, no nothing, just take your children and leave! To me it is about respect and children must learn that early in life. And for the parents out there that just stick there head in the sand and say "Oh really he/she doesn't do that at home.........bull, they do so, you just fail to see it!
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  #34  
Old 09-02-2008, 10:40 AM
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I feel sorry for whoever uses your daycare. I have 3 boys the first 2 never bit but did get bitten-I did not like it but understood that it was part of their growing and learning process. It was resolved with time. Now my 3rd has just changed to a new daycare and has bitten 3 times. They have the same policy and said that one more time and he could not come back. Let me tell you this he is a good little boy and we just withdrew him and are going somewhere where the people are willing to help him and work with him/us to resolve this problem. He has never bitten before and it is a shame that he had a hard time adjusting and was just given up on. so you don't know every situation and each child is different. from someone who has been on both sides of this you should be ashamed of yourself. these are little children that need help and correction not to just be dismissed like a bad dog. They are all little children of god and he loves each one the same. Some just need more work. Good thing he doesn't give up on us so fast hu!!
I take it your not a daycare provider? Do you realize that daycare providers/ and daycare centers can be sued by the parents of the child/children that were bit? You make it sound as though providers just discipline the action! Listen, I am very well schooled in the job that i do but i do have to protect not only my children but the children that have been placed in my care. I provide a well-organized, well-supervised, and stimulating atmosphere for the children in my care. IE the 3 strikes your out policy, i work with my parents to come to a solution together. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and the child may need more care than i can give! I don't think it is the jobs of us daycare providers to have to put up with aggressive, disruptive, or destructive behavior. I have more than one child in my care, so do you think it is fair to the other children to have all my time taken up by this one child with the bad behavior? How long are us daycare providers expected to put up with this type of behavior? I am here to provide for your children, not raise them!!!!!!
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  #35  
Old 09-18-2008, 08:26 AM
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Default bite every day

My son is in a daycare center. When he was just 6 months old and still in a swing he was bite on the head - first day. Now he has moved to the toddler room at 15 months. The same kid that bit him on his first day is now in the toddler room. She bites my son almost every day. He has large bruises on both arms. We've been in the toddler room with the biter for two weeks. The daycare ladies say that my son doesn't respect her space and that's why she bites. I've very concerned. I'm thinking of taking my son out. He was well cared for in the baby room and we had no problems because the bitter went to the toddler room a few days after we started in the baby room. Any suggestions?
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  #36  
Old 09-19-2008, 07:55 PM
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Biting is such a difficult thing for all concerned~the biter, the bitee and the provider.

This conversation came up with my in-home childcare provider. Another parent at the dc has a 4 yo at my daycare and an 18 mo old at a different daycare because our daycare doesn't currently have an opening for under 2. At any rate, she was not happy with the way the other provider was handling her other daughter getting bitten. She felt like her child was being punished for being bit. It prompted her to ask how our common provider handles biting. She said she has not had a biter in several years but the way she would handle it is as such (which I found interesting). She said she has a zero tolerance for biting. Since biting generally happens in the toddler years, she 'contains' them the first time they bite. She immediately separates the biter, whether in a exersaucer or a porta crib whatever is handy with a 'NO BITING' (effectively a time out for toddlers) The bitee gets all sorts of attention, the biter is shown the mark that they made. After the bitee is comforted, she releases the biter and shadows him/her. If the biting happens again, the parent is called and the biter is isolated, within the room, but isolated for a longer period of time. Any issues for the biter are addressed with the parent (HALTS was mentioned in an earlier post). It is a whole process that could take pages, but the gist of it is the biter is made aware that biting is bad and the bitees are given the attention. As many times and to the degree necessary. She said she had one child many years ago that had a corner in the daycare room that was hers alone to play in (had fence type thing she used to make a giant playpen). The biter was allowed out for short periods, but as soon as she tried to bite someone (again shadowing) she went right back into her spot (all sanctioned by the parents). Eventually she figured out she could be with the other kids if she didn't bite them. I personally think that would be exhausting for a provider~this woman has the patience of a saint.

Something I wonder about is in her 16 years as a provider 'she can count on one hand the # of biters she has had'. She said it has always been resolved in a very short amount of time and she has never had to expel anyone because of it. Is it supervision, is it the overall atmosphere of the daycare (ie: zero tolerance), is it mixed ages together rather than a roomful of toddlers, the number of kids or just dumb luck? I don't know that there is any 'right' answer for every child. I hope I never have to deal with it...
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  #37  
Old 10-03-2008, 01:12 PM
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my child was at a DC where they did absolutly nothing about biting, as far as i can tell. my child was the Bitee, almost constantly by this one other child. We have since moved to a new daycare, and now my child is the biter.
This new facility does have a policy, and we are working with them, but its so frustrating, since we have to recondition our child to unlearn the bad habits that were picked up from the old school.
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  #38  
Old 10-10-2008, 09:12 PM
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My biters have to spend the day at my side! I also have a 3 strikes your out policy! My children are 5 and 15 years old now and when they bit me, i bit them back. And hey guess what, they never, ever did it again! I to agree that they should be punished and not with a time out, but not by me, by there parents! However, if I'm bit by a daycare child, parents will be called and they will have to find other care no notice, no nothing, just take your children and leave! To me it is about respect and children must learn that early in life. And for the parents out there that just stick there head in the sand and say "Oh really he/she doesn't do that at home.........bull, they do so, you just fail to see it!
Actually.. I DO NOT AGREE WITH YOUR COMMENT.. "OH REALLY HE/SHE DOESN'T DO THAT AT HOME... bull, they do so, you just fail to see it"
My son is 2 1/2 yrs old and NOT ONCE has he bit at home!! It has been at Daycare every single time! He doesn't bite anyone in the household. NOT EVEN HIS TOYS!! HE ONLY BITES AT DAYCARE. From what you are saying, you make the parents of the children feel like it IS their fault! What are you saying we are bad parents!? Your comment has made me very upset. And by calling their parents to have them come get them ISN'T going to do anything! THat is just going to make matters worse, obv. you can't control, what makes you think parents can?! Do you not understand the child care providers are basically like a parent also to the children? They see you guys more sometimes than they see their own parents!!! I give my son 100% of my attention, and he DOESN'T do any of the stuff he does at daycare. That right there proves to me that he isn't well cared for at daycare. It really upsets me when I go to pick him up and they say "Oh he bit a child today so and so" it does upset me, because I do disicpline him at home. I do pay attention to him at home. Then you say this!? That all we do is fail to see it?!
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  #39  
Old 10-10-2008, 09:34 PM
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My son was kicked out Daycare today for biting. Unfortunatley this is not the first time. When it started he was about 18 months and the day care he was in started sending him home about once a week for biting. Then they kicked him out. I tried everything, there were no other daycares with openings and I had to quit my job. I made up my mind to take some time off with him and try to let him mature. I stayed home with him for a year. When I first put him in daycare again he did not bite. He started a few months after. I was getting called to pick him up all the time. So I switched him to another daycare before he could get kicked out again. Once again he did not bite for a month or so. Then he started biting at that daycare too. My child was refered to special education for learing disabilities, so I had to move to a daycare in the school district so he could get picked up. He did not bite at first at this new Daycare either. Then he started bitting everyday. This morning when I went to drop him off, the director told me that the State called and said my son could no longer attend the daycare because he had bit another child and caused the child to bleed. I dont know what to do. The family doctor never has any answers, so I'm wondering what type of doctor I should take him to? Does anyone know if he can go to another daycare now that he has been reported by the state? I dont want to have to keep moving him around but I need to work. It's really not fair that he has to keep going through adjusting over and over again. I also have a daughter who each time this happens has to start over again at a new daycare and hard for her as well.
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Old 10-21-2008, 11:55 AM
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Actually.. I DO NOT AGREE WITH YOUR COMMENT.. "OH REALLY HE/SHE DOESN'T DO THAT AT HOME... bull, they do so, you just fail to see it"
My son is 2 1/2 yrs old and NOT ONCE has he bit at home!! It has been at Daycare every single time! He doesn't bite anyone in the household. NOT EVEN HIS TOYS!! HE ONLY BITES AT DAYCARE. From what you are saying, you make the parents of the children feel like it IS their fault! What are you saying we are bad parents!? Your comment has made me very upset. And by calling their parents to have them come get them ISN'T going to do anything! THat is just going to make matters worse, obv. you can't control, what makes you think parents can?! Do you not understand the child care providers are basically like a parent also to the children? They see you guys more sometimes than they see their own parents!!! I give my son 100% of my attention, and he DOESN'T do any of the stuff he does at daycare. That right there proves to me that he isn't well cared for at daycare. It really upsets me when I go to pick him up and they say "Oh he bit a child today so and so" it does upset me, because I do disicpline him at home. I do pay attention to him at home. Then you say this!? That all we do is fail to see it?!

This is exactly what i'm talking about!!! Ye Ole "my child doesn't do that at home" and ya know what, every single provider out there knows exactly what I'm talking about! No one ever said anything about anyone being bad parents. And i really don't care if your upset! I have other children to take care of......period!!! And yes, calling the parents would do something.......It would remove the bitter from my care and hence giving the other children the chance to grow and develop without being bit! Let me tell you something........I had a biter in my care for 2 years.......i gave him 2 YEARS so to say that we providers don't work with these types of children are just bogus! The straw that broke the camels back was that he bit one of my daycare kids so hard that she had to go to the ER all because he wanted the toy that she was playing with!!! Now do you think thats fair to that child and that childs parent to have to come to daycare afraid and scared that she may be bit again.......No its NOT! There are daycares out there that have people on their staff that will work more in depth with that child and parent, However I'm not one of them! I don't have to be one of them! Oh and don't feel Sorry for the children in my care, for #1. My parents are very, very happy with the care i provide and for #2. they don't need your pity!!! I have "raised"(along side of some excellent parents) some very, very well adjusted and intelligent children, that have entered into school grade levels above their peers!
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  #41  
Old 10-23-2008, 11:32 AM
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Smile There is hope....my son WAS a biter.

I will spare everyone the details, but my story mirrors many of your stories. There is a wonderful book called NO BITING. You can find it on Amazon.com. After my son was expelled from many well-meaning schools, I came upon this book and it changed the way I thought about biting. The cure for biting is a process and one cannot expect a young child to stop just because it is what adults want. Each child is different and the reason for a child to bite may differ from child to child. Please read NO BITING and lend a copy to your daycare provider. It really did help my son and me.
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  #42  
Old 10-30-2008, 11:07 AM
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I too think it's interesting that someone who supposedly knows children advocates biting them back when they bite. I am a childcare provider, and as such make it my business to understand NORMAL childhood stages and also to know and advocate educated safe ways to deal with and correct unacceptable behavior. She didn't say how her children turned out, did she? Is her last name "Dahmer" by any chance? :-)

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I feel sorry for whoever uses your daycare. I have 3 boys the first 2 never bit but did get bitten-I did not like it but understood that it was part of their growing and learning process. It was resolved with time. Now my 3rd has just changed to a new daycare and has bitten 3 times. They have the same policy and said that one more time and he could not come back. Let me tell you this he is a good little boy and we just withdrew him and are going somewhere where the people are willing to help him and work with him/us to resolve this problem. He has never bitten before and it is a shame that he had a hard time adjusting and was just given up on. so you don't know every situation and each child is different. from someone who has been on both sides of this you should be ashamed of yourself. these are little children that need help and correction not to just be dismissed like a bad dog. They are all little children of god and he loves each one the same. Some just need more work. Good thing he doesn't give up on us so fast hu!!
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  #43  
Old 11-06-2008, 07:43 PM
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Default Try this . . .

As a director of a childcare center, I know that nothing makes parents more angry than their infant or toddler getting bitten. We have a little guy that got bitten a lot from his old childcare center, they pulled him and brought him to us, and SURPRISE, he started biting. A lot. We have a policy that after three times in a day, we send them home. We were sending this little guy home every day, and nothing was working. So, I logged when he was biting (usually around the hour before lunch), and I asked his mother to come in and shadow him for this time. He was done biting in less than three weeks. I've done this now twice and it's worked great. I know that most parents cannot afford to leave work for an hour or two, but it really does work well. It seems to even work better than another teacher shadowing the biter.

And yes, that biting book that was mentioned above is an awesome resource in child care centers!
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  #44  
Old 11-07-2008, 12:24 PM
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I too think it's interesting that someone who supposedly knows children advocates biting them back when they bite. I am a childcare provider, and as such make it my business to understand NORMAL childhood stages and also to know and advocate educated safe ways to deal with and correct unacceptable behavior. She didn't say how her children turned out, did she? Is her last name "Dahmer" by any chance? :-)
I think you need to read my statement again.........I don't bit the daycare kids..are you crazy. Dahmer huh...........I bit my kids back sweetie i didn't eat them!!!!!!!!!! FYI- my children are well adjusted straight A students. They have learned that we don't use our teeth to get what we want. Oh and hey, my kids were never kicked out of daycare either for bitting or anything else! There are parents out there that are really concerned about this behavior and there are some that think its ok for there child to be able to do what ever the h**l they want, i take it your one of those parents!!!!
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  #45  
Old 11-16-2008, 04:45 PM
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Default get it stopped

Our policy is that WE stop them! No child is ever allowed to bite.
And, it is the staff's responsibility! The need to pay attention and discipline when needed- or terminate the child that is biting.
That's ridiculous!!!
Maybe you threaten them with a law suit .,.maybe then they'll find the time to take some action.
However, that was a very good decision on your part to file a report --- but also contact her inspector - and turn them in for allowing abuse.
Ms.Sue
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  #46  
Old 11-20-2008, 10:27 AM
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I posted on 09-18-2008. Here's what has happened. After my posting my son continue to be bit almost every day by some other toddler. Supposedly, 5 different toddlers and a different toddler each day. He always had a bruise on his face or arm. I looked and looked for other daycare. Finally, I decided to take him to another building run by the same daycare company. WHAT A DIFFERENCE!!! He hasn't been bit. He doesn't wake up screeming at night like he had a bad dream. It is just wonderfull. My advice. If you child is either bitting or being bit. Take the child to a different daycare. Almost curtain there is something going on at the daycare that is causing problems. It could be anything from the schedule, to the other childern, to even the daycare people. Who knows because the child can't tell you. But it does make a difference being in a different enviroment. The new center I do see that the lady's that work in the toddler room are much more caring and loving. They will actually pick up a child that is crying. The other daycare had a lady that I never saw her hold one of the toddlers except to pick them up to change them. She preferred to carry the clip board around to write notes down and keep up with her huge amount of paperwork she was always complaining about.

Advice for daycare centers. Find a way for the people working there to care for the childern and quit filling out paperwork! This was the 2nd daycare center I had this same problem with. Give them a specific time of day to step out to do the paperwork. Not expect to take up a toddler eating table to do the work. Toddlers and childern need attention and loving care. NOT SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO FILL PAPERWORK OUT!!!!
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  #47  
Old 11-20-2008, 01:33 PM
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Thumbs up Update on Biting at Daycare

Thanks for the update! Remember, even before your baby is born, you are your child's best and most important advocate. It seems difficult after finally placing your child in a daycare to start thinking about finding another. There are choices and we need to find the ones that benefit our children the most. It is a constant quest for quality. For those looking for other daycare facilities:

http://daycare.com/listing.html

Our story:

http://daycare.com/story/index.html
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  #48  
Old 12-16-2008, 11:50 AM
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It is so easy for a biter to bite, even when closely watched. I handle biters (actually all issues) with the parent/s knowing everything going on. A repeat biter is never left alone with others, they don't go inside closed tunnel play places (McDonald's, etc...), they will have to sit out or stay home and we explain why, it is a safety/health issue.
In every case of repeat biters, if a parent (only parent) bites a child back, they stop (I know many will object - but we have seen it work, every time "bunerous times"). It needs to be done carefully and on their finger, with the back teeth, as follows:
1. First the parent has to say "no biting, biting hurts, ouchy" (that plants the idea it hurts)
2. Take their finger and with back teeth, bite down just enough for it to not feel good and hold that pressure for about 5 seconds (not biting down any harder) Try it on yourself first, you don't have to bite hard, but holding a mild pressure does the trick (it can't be to soft or they will laugh and not feel the lesson). Make sure that after you do it, yoou say, ouchy, biting hurts (the words you use and the attitude you display, is very important) I have had so many parents try it and so many confirm biting works to show them it hurts. You might have to adjust the pressure, but it is the 5 seconds or so that makes them feel like they are being bit hard. Try it yourself, it isn't wounding them and it works. A biter can cause a lot of damage and get a child to be a repeat biter, getting kicked out of multiple daycares, which does more damage to the biter and can make them end up being a problem child.
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  #49  
Old 03-16-2009, 11:11 AM
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My child just started at a new daycare and last thursday was bitten twice in the same arm by the same child. She was being shadowed after the first bite but when the second bite happened the teacher was tieing another child's shoe. They went the bitter home after the second bite that day. I kept him home from daycare friday. My guess is she would've bit him again that day as well. The following monday the same child bites my son on the face this time and she is immediately sent home. I'm irrate as you can imagine! All the center can tell me is that they are moving her to another room and that she is not being put on probation or anything else. The lady at the desk did share with me that my son is the second child she has bitten and keep in mind that she has now bit my son 3 times now, twice on the arm and 1 time on the face. They said if she bites while in the new room then she will be put on one week probation. All this seems like she is being given way too many chances and should have already been kicked out, especially after biting a child in the face. She has targeted my son the past 3 times she has bitten in a matter of days and no further action has been taken yet. I"m at a loss of what to do????? what do you think????
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Old 03-30-2009, 02:36 PM
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Default Biting

Dear Judy,
I worked in a licenced child care center for nearly 20 years. There was a boy many years ago who was CONSTANLY biting the children. Believe me he wasn't even 2 years old and he was quick!
Anyway the director was more concerned about money than her center. When several parents finally ganged up on her and said either you kick him out or we are taking our children out she got scared and asked him to leave. However this was a Tuesday and she told the parent that they could finish out the week.
Ironic it seemed that on that last Friday this biter bit the rocking chair SO hard it cracked the wood. The director said oh well...he's gone after today!
Sad to say but sometimes people see green before their eyes and not the children they are required to be caring for.
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  #51  
Old 04-01-2009, 08:28 AM
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Angry Biting in Day Care

My child has been bitten like 5 times in the past month. They wont tell me if it is the same child or not. I think if it is they should be watching this child closer or removing the child from the day care. I'm unsure what I can do about the situation. I hate taking my son somewhere where he keeps getting bit.
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  #52  
Old 04-13-2009, 07:14 AM
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I've never spoken to a parent who hasn't gone through the biting phase. All children try it and every child is different in how they get over it. I am lucky that my children got over it rather quickly (maybe it was because they are very close in age and i was able to deal with it at home myself, rather than having to trust the day care staff). The worst situation I ever encountered with a biter was actually the child of the owner of the daycare my children were attending in Pennsylvania. The preschool teacher was unable to tell me which child was biting my children, but my children told me themselves. The confrontation was difficult... I tried to make it parent to parent, but it was also parent to daycare staff. However, I believe that the communication between the parent of the biter and the parent of the bitten child was essential in dealing with the problem. It took some time and a lot of patience on all of our parts, but doesn't every problem involving children take time and patience? There are no enemies when dealing with such a problem, and the more involved we are as parents, the quicker we can resolve behavior issues.
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  #53  
Old 05-04-2009, 10:20 PM
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Angry Biting at daycare!

I have also had the same issue at the daycare that my son attends. He was playing outside and another child walked up and stuck his fingers in my sons mouth, so my son bit down. Well then the child grabbed my son's arm and nawed on it like an ear of corn breaking the skin. The staff didn't even bother to notify me about the incident until I picked him up at 6pm and it had happened at 3pm. I asked for a copy of the incident report, and the manager informed me that they don't file reports for incidents.
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  #54  
Old 05-12-2009, 07:49 PM
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Unhappy Help my son is a bitter

I've read some pretty interesting comments on this blog.. I am in search like many, it seems for help. My 2 year old son was just expelled from DC today for continual bitting. I can go on an explained the different things that happened that got us to this point, but I fear that it wouldn't matter. He doesn't bite at home because he is an only child, however on occasion he will bit my nieces and nephews when he is upset or frustrated. When he does bite them I quickly "spank" him and tell him no bitting and ask him to say sorry to the child that he has bitten. This has greatly curb his desire to bite children around me, At DC its a different story, to their credit they have tried to shadow him, and prevent bites when they see it coming, but everytime he does bite I get a report and on the third time that a report was written, they expelled him. Before expelling him the director did inform me that he was in danger of being expelled because he was on his second write up, and since I am not at the DC to "handle" the situation, I asked her what I should do at home with him and you know what she said? she said that I should pray. That is great advice and I do pray but that doesn't stop his bitting and less than a week later he got his third write up (today) and was expelled. My son has come home with lots of bit marks and scratches on his face, just yesterday he came home with two big knots on the back of his head, so now I am wondering what is the daycare doing? I am trying not to feel like this is my fault, that some how I am doing something wrong--Some of the comments I have read here makes the child who bites and their parents seem like criminals and that is crazy to me. I've heard the saying that parenting is the hardest job you will ever have and being a first time mom at 37 I am so agreeing. Tommorrow I will head to my nearest bookstore and get the book no more bitting and I will start my search for another daycare.This has definetly helped me.

Last edited by Michael; 05-12-2009 at 09:30 PM.
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Old 06-01-2009, 10:26 PM
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Well said! Would love to hear more on your techniques and scheduling the children in your school.
Fabulously said!!! You're the type of teacher that every preschool classroom needs!
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Old 08-03-2009, 03:34 PM
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Thumbs down biting

I have to say that I disagree with the earlier thread. No, not all biters bite at home! I am the mother of a three and a half year old son who bites. He does not do it everyday, maybe once a week. This is a new behavior. He has just recently starting going to a new daycare (within the last two weeks) nd that is when the behavior started. The teachers tell me that he is the only one in the class doing it. He has NEVER done it a home. It only happens when he is in an argument, or confrontation, usually over a toy. It does not mean that I am a bad parent or that I do not care about my child hurting other children. I am a very involved parent. I have done everything to get the behavior to stop. I thought it did. He didn't bite for one week, but then he did it today. I have spanked him, taken away toys/ privileges, even bitten him back! I am at my wits end and was reduced to tears today. He is a sweet kid and has no other problems. I just don't know how to get this behavior to stop.
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Old 08-04-2009, 01:17 AM
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It happens in all daycare.

Very young children are often biters not so much out of anger but out of frustration at not being able to speak. They know they are supposed to use their mouths, so they use them differently. Generally, biting clears up when a child can make his/her needs known in language.

Just know that as he starts to use his words the biting will subside. There IS light at the end of the tunnel.
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Old 08-10-2009, 11:07 AM
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When I was preschool, I was kicked out of one school for biting. My mother told me that it wasn't aggressive with other children normally, and that it was mostly likely that I was tired and frustrated and the teachers weren't monitoring me closely enough.
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Old 08-27-2009, 02:30 PM
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Wink To the Parents of Biters

I just removed my 11-month-old son from daycare due to being bitten five times by the same biter in one month (and my son was not the only child being bitten). The first time it happened I simply thanked the teachers for letting me know: I understand these things happen. The second time he had two bite marks on his arm (that would be 2 and 3). I called the director and was told the "biter" was being shadowed. A few days later, bite 4 happened. My husband and I sat down with the directors and said this was unexceptable. We agreed to change rooms so my son and the biter were never together. Then the day came when the daycare was short staffed. It took only a few hours for bite number 5 and only seconds for my husband and I to inform the directors we were out.

Here's the thing: everyone wants to talk about how removing a biter isn't a fair punishment. I have news for you. It's not about punishment; it's about protecting everyone. Can you imagine how you would feel as a parent if your child bit another child's lip and it was permenantly damaged? It's happened many times. That's a huge liability. You will be sued, your daycare will be sued, and because of documentation, you will lose. Is that risk worth keeping your child in daycare until the behavior changes? Most importantly, is it worth harming someone esle's child?

Look, I'm not done having kids. My next one could very well be the biter. However, I'd rather inconvenience my own schedule and help my child through the behavior myself than put someone else's child in harm's way. This isn't about punishing a child who's struggling to understand. It's about protecting everyone involved.
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Old 09-28-2009, 11:37 AM
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Red face Licensing Regulations...

I am a child care provider, and because of the regulations that WE HAVE to follow there is only so much we can do to a child who bites. We have a child who bites at least once a week, we have explained this to the parents about the situation and they are trying to work with us also to correct the situation. There is only so much they can do also. To be brutally honest with you, this is something that happens in all day cares. It isn't always easy to shadow a child when the ratio is to the max. If you look up Minimum Standard Rules you can see that we are very limited on how to handle the situation.
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Old 12-08-2009, 09:16 AM
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OK...so there has been a lot of conversation about younger children who bite...what about a child that is nearly 4 years old? She has bitten on and off since, well since she had teeth!

Now, my daughter was a biter and I was able to resolve it pretty quickly...as for this child, to date, nothing has worked.

Any advice?
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Old 12-09-2009, 11:43 AM
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OK...so there has been a lot of conversation about younger children who bite...what about a child that is nearly 4 years old? She has bitten on and off since, well since she had teeth!

Now, my daughter was a biter and I was able to resolve it pretty quickly...as for this child, to date, nothing has worked.

Any advice?
I would classify that as being a mean, malicious violent little monster.

By the age of 4, kids know wrong from right, and what's acceptable and what's not.


This worked with our son.....but you can't do with a DC kid. He was about 3...climbed in my lap and bit me on the shoulder. I bit him back. He doesn't bite me anymore.
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Old 12-09-2009, 03:32 PM
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I would classify that as being a mean, malicious violent little monster.

By the age of 4, kids know wrong from right, and what's acceptable and what's not.


This worked with our son.....but you can't do with a DC kid. He was about 3...climbed in my lap and bit me on the shoulder. I bit him back. He doesn't bite me anymore.
LOL! Sometimes one good bite deserves another!

Mom comes in and tells dck that since she bit, she will have to sit on the couch and watch TV...she can't play at all...and she has to throw out the puppy toy she got in her happy meal...yeah, not gonna work.

I suggested to Mom that she try what we've done with our dd when she hit another daycare child--she was 5 and knew better. I told her to wait in her room until after daycare was over. I went in to talk to her calmly about hitting and then I spanked her bare butt. (Just so you know, she had hit several times, knew right from wrong, and lived to tell the tale of being spanked--no permanment damage no matter what some critics will tell you.)

Guess what...Mom actually took my advice and I had the first peaceful day in weeks. Yay!
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Old 01-26-2010, 08:16 AM
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Our son has been bitten 3 times in the last 3 weeks by the same little monster at his day care. We are working with the Director to remedy the situation, but I am pushing hard for this child to be expelled. This has been an ongoing problem with this child per one of the teachers and I think it's time to stop protecting the attacker and start trying to protect the victims. You parents of habitual biters who whine about how it's not fair that your little angel be kicked out for biting are selfish, egotistical walking nightmares in your own right. It's no wonder your little brat likes to attack others. There should be consequences for bad behavior at any age, including being removed from a situation where you are the problem.
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Old 01-31-2010, 10:12 AM
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Unhappy Biting/Spanking

Whomever said that they need to WATCH the kids/babies is right. If they are not watched, they can't be disciplined, and the biting will not stop. The biter should be set in time out and even though this is a pain it is something that has to be done AS SOON as the biting occurs! If there is no discipline after the action it will not stop and everyone else's kids will continue to suffer. The MAIN problem is they pay the people who watch our kids the same as what a McDonald's worker makes - NOTHING!!! Almost minimum wage. Therefore the people who watch our kids are under-appreciated, under-educated, and under-paid! Not a good situation.

Our country pays a basketball player millions of dollars while they pay the people who do the most important job in the world nothing. This simple fact makes me irate! I have been tempted plenty of times to actually pay my son's teacher under the table to make sure he is cared for the right way!!! I should not have to feel like this. The director needs to get a car that is not so expensive, and several other staff need to down-grade what they have in order to compensate the people who actually do the work! About spanking, we try No and of course that doesn't work, we try time-out and sometimes that doesn't seem to work to well either. We've spanked lightly on the bottom a few times and that always seems to make the behavior worse. For now we are sticking to time out because that makes the biggest impact on him, when he has to sit still and can't play. We only put him in time-out however for the amount of minutes/years so since he's 2 he has to stay there for 2 minutes. This is how it should go. Studies show that spanking actually does more harm than good so I too am glad that guy on here (Mister old school you know who you are) doesn't care for my kids!
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Old 02-01-2010, 06:25 AM
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Whomever said that they need to WATCH the kids/babies is right. If they are not watched, they can't be disciplined, and the biting will not stop. The biter should be set in time out and even though this is a pain it is something that has to be done AS SOON as the biting occurs! If there is no discipline after the action it will not stop and everyone else's kids will continue to suffer. The MAIN problem is they pay the people who watch our kids the same as what a McDonald's worker makes - NOTHING!!! Almost minimum wage. Therefore the people who watch our kids are under-appreciated, under-educated, and under-paid! Not a good situation.

Our country pays a basketball player millions of dollars while they pay the people who do the most important job in the world nothing. This simple fact makes me irate! I have been tempted plenty of times to actually pay my son's teacher under the table to make sure he is cared for the right way!!! I should not have to feel like this. The director needs to get a car that is not so expensive, and several other staff need to down-grade what they have in order to compensate the people who actually do the work! About spanking, we try No and of course that doesn't work, we try time-out and sometimes that doesn't seem to work to well either. We've spanked lightly on the bottom a few times and that always seems to make the behavior worse. For now we are sticking to time out because that makes the biggest impact on him, when he has to sit still and can't play. We only put him in time-out however for the amount of minutes/years so since he's 2 he has to stay there for 2 minutes. This is how it should go. Studies show that spanking actually does more harm than good so I too am glad that guy on here (Mister old school you know who you are) doesn't care for my kids!
A two year old isn't going to "get" time-out...and NO ONE not matter how well paid can watch a kid constantly. Unless your center has the resources to dedicate one individual to keep constant eyes on your child alone, the kid is going to bite until you teach him otherwise. At two a BIG STRONG no, not a gentle but firm no, but a down right scary NO! And it may need to be followed by a spanking as opposed to a light pat on the butt.

PS: I have a degree in community psychology, have been doing daycare for 4 years, my oldest is 15, a straight A student, plays basketball, wants to be a doctor...and he's been spanked. Get it together before you raise a kid that doesn't have any friends and adults can't stand to see coming...
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Old 02-01-2010, 08:17 AM
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a two year old isn't going to "get" time-out...and no one not matter how well paid can watch a kid constantly. Unless your center has the resources to dedicate one individual to keep constant eyes on your child alone, the kid is going to bite until you teach him otherwise. At two a big strong no, not a gentle but firm no, but a down right scary no! And it may need to be followed by a spanking as opposed to a light pat on the butt.

Ps: I have a degree in community psychology, have been doing daycare for 4 years, my oldest is 15, a straight a student, plays basketball, wants to be a doctor...and he's been spanked. Get it together before you raise a kid that doesn't have any friends and adults can't stand to see coming...

amen to this! Glad i am not the only one that believes in true discipline.
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Old 02-01-2010, 07:29 PM
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Amen to both of you! It is very easy now-a-days to see what has happened to the kids who KNOW that there is no painful consequences when they deliberately disobey. Here's a link to a NEW study, for those of you who raise your children based on studies, that shows that spanked children are better adjusted adults. Most of us don't really need a study to tell us that though.
http://www.mlive.com/news/grand-rapi...ok_calvin.html
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Old 02-05-2010, 12:54 PM
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Actually.. I DO NOT AGREE WITH YOUR COMMENT.. "OH REALLY HE/SHE DOESN'T DO THAT AT HOME... bull, they do so, you just fail to see it"
My son is 2 1/2 yrs old and NOT ONCE has he bit at home!! It has been at Daycare every single time! He doesn't bite anyone in the household. NOT EVEN HIS TOYS!! HE ONLY BITES AT DAYCARE. From what you are saying, you make the parents of the children feel like it IS their fault! What are you saying we are bad parents!? Your comment has made me very upset. And by calling their parents to have them come get them ISN'T going to do anything! THat is just going to make matters worse, obv. you can't control, what makes you think parents can?! Do you not understand the child care providers are basically like a parent also to the children? They see you guys more sometimes than they see their own parents!!! I give my son 100% of my attention, and he DOESN'T do any of the stuff he does at daycare. That right there proves to me that he isn't well cared for at daycare. It really upsets me when I go to pick him up and they say "Oh he bit a child today so and so" it does upset me, because I do disicpline him at home. I do pay attention to him at home. Then you say this!? That all we do is fail to see it?!
Children rarely act exactly the same at home as they do in daycare- and parents often don't see the behavior because the child is at home with 1 or 2 parents and maybe a couple siblings- in his own kingdom with his own toys etc. That same wonderful child may be completely unable to deal with group dynamics. The king of the castle is one of a group of children all equal in a daycare. The toy is never his- it must be shared. The rules may be different than at home... All situations that create frustration in the child. None the daycares "fault". Teaching proper socialization skills takes time and is challenging for parents and daycare alike. Ultimately if a child is delayed in communication skills, easily frustrated/short fused the safety of the group may have to override and the biter may be let go. One way to have parents and providers work together on the subject is to have the parent enroll the child in a play group or put the child in a situation under the parents supervision where it hs to interact with other children and watch. If biting is how he reacts to kids at daycare- he may react the same at the Burger King playland. The child doesn't know how the parent feels about the behavior and no amount of talking about it after hours will have the same result as the swift intervention and discipline on the spot. Unfortunately sucess in curbing the behavior really depends on the cognitive ability of the child somewhat. Until it understands cause and effect, is developmentally at the stage to grasp empathy, all anyone can do is try to watch closely to watch for cues that may indicate an upcoming attack. For the biter, who already is socially incompetent, the negative reactions of his classmates that do not want to play with or be around him out of fear, exacerbates the frustration and limits the biters opportunity to learn positive social interactions. Sometimes a new setting with more individual attention and a renewed emphasis on naming emotions and emotional control can help.

Last edited by Michael; 02-05-2010 at 01:49 PM.
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Old 02-05-2010, 04:37 PM
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Default But He’s an Angel at Home ?

Something else to consider - Auditory Processing Disorder.

https://www.daycare.com/story/angel.html

Last edited by Michael; 02-05-2010 at 04:40 PM.
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Old 02-09-2010, 10:55 AM
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Sensory processing disorders are rarely diagnosed. Good book- "The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Stock Kranowitz, MA
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Old 02-15-2010, 03:18 PM
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Default Small world!!! Same thing "miraculously" worked for us.

Parents forget that the same laws of behavior exhist inside the classroom as out, as well as the same recourses. My son was bullied by a child twice his size for months, but everytime I called I was blown off. So I did the same thing...told them the might ought to give the boy's parents a call, because next time my child was touched I'd be there with the sheriff's deputy to have the child taken into custody and be pressing a grocery list of charges on him. OVERNIGHT!!!!!! the bullying stopped.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MOM WHO HAD ENOUGH View Post
my son was repeatedly bitten, hit, etc by a bigger child. i complained and got all the same responses and "lines". i finally told them they needed to give the other parents a heads up because i was going to file an assault charge against the child the next time he touched my child. (not that i would have) but would you believe it stopped instantly and completely?

hmmmmmm?
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Old 02-23-2010, 08:09 AM
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Default Biting allowed? I know it happens but to do nothing?!

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That's right, let them have their fit... it's okayyy. Don't make them do ANYTHING they don't want to do... it's all child led... They tell us that preschoolers shouldn't be taught fundamentals, like letters and numbers (they'll learn that soon and easy enough in K.) and they aren't ready for that kind of structure, it's too hard for them.... Then we wonder, why are there so many aggressive children, no manners, no values? It's because the parents aren't with their children enough and teachers aren't allowed to teach. That's why.
...I refuse to be conformed by their low standards and low expectations of children.
I applaud you for your comment. I am a child care provider in a home setting and I am concerned. I live in California and my own child has been in Pre-school since she was three and immediately they teach the littles how to spell their names, addresses, patterning, alphabet, shapes, numbers, counting, rules and manners etc. The "fundamentals". This is in our public schools so I am not sure then why they are not taught where you are.

If our school system would not teach my own little any of these things I would be furious!! As for the biting issue: They should change their policies! For myself I know biting happens but if and when it does I immediately take action. I keep notes, call my licensor to report it, then call the parents of both children and explain what happened. I talk about it so that they understand that this cannot happen in my daycare. If it continues to happen I repeat the steps above, have a meeting with the offending child's parents and make a plan of action. If is still continues to happen I let the child go. It's that simple. I would rather lose one child rather than risk losing all of my other littles because of one child's behavior.

I agree that most children’s issues are due to the fact that the parent does not interact enough with their own child but not all children act the same at home than they do in my daycare. That being said however, my littles usually act like angels until their parents arrive to pick them up. My child never went through the terrible two's because I although I spoke to her in a soft and soothing voice I never used "baby talk". No goo-goo gaga for me. "Good morning Isis. How are you this morning? Are you a happy baby today? Yes you are. I am going to dress you now. This is your sock. It goes on your feet." etc. I also taught her and myself simple sign language with flashcards. If at one she couldn't communicate with me through words she used her hands and she has ALWAYS known that hurting herself, others and things are never allowed (she's 5 now).

Try this: Just like was said before, daycares don't want to lose clients. Talk to other parents and try to get them on board. Get a few WRITTEN concerns and complaints that state you are all thinking of looking for another daycare because you FEAR the SAFETY OF YOUR CHILD due to their NEGLIGENCE in addressing the situation appropriately. Then ask them what they are going to do about it. If you still see no results have a meeting with their director and again address your concerns. If you are not happy with the response let the director know that you are upset and are filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau. It is so simple to do you can do it online. Chances are they don't want the negative review. Calling the licensing board may also help you if you file a formal complaint but you should leave that as a last resort. It may start an investigation and sometimes if they find something wrong they get a violation and a fine but if they find it to be really serious they could get shut-down.

I would like to know what course of action you decided to take and how it worked out for you. Please keep us posted and good luck.
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Old 03-16-2010, 11:03 AM
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I would classify that as being a mean, malicious violent little monster.

By the age of 4, kids know wrong from right, and what's acceptable and what's not.


This worked with our son.....but you can't do with a DC kid. He was about 3...climbed in my lap and bit me on the shoulder. I bit him back. He doesn't bite me anymore.
What a horrible thing to say! No child is a "malicious violent little monster" I am a parent of a biter, and my child has also been bitten! I have bitten him back, spanked him, popped him in the mouth, ect. Children handle situations and act differently throughout stages, and I think it is crazy for someone like you, who is a spouse of of DC worker, (and by the way, this does not make you are one too!) to say things like that. I believe you are the "mean" one here and have no right to judge a child you do not even know. I believe parents who get on here need help and are looking for advice and don't need closed minded people with nothing better to do but to get one here and start judging them. Hope your son doesn't pick up that behavior from you!
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Old 03-17-2010, 08:00 AM
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FYI for the parents threatening assault charges on the preschool/toddler biter- cant/wont happen ... Most states have a minimum age to charge even juveniles with assault. A 2 or 3 yr old biter doesn't go to juvie- so the threat is not valid. The child does need intervention, whether in the form of strict discipline/loss of priveledges, (or if a parent chooses to spank their child if they bit someone), assistance in communication and learning emotional control, etc. More direct supervision etc.... intervention when the child is frustrated, before they bite. I know where I live the sheriff's dept would NOT even show up- they would say its a "civil" matter, to deal with the daycare or move your child.
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Old 04-16-2010, 12:19 AM
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I am very concerned about a situation at a licensed daycare center. What is the policy on handling a child who is biting other children multiple times daily? The child I am concerned about has been bitten multiple times daily, breaking the skin and bruising on 9 days in a short period of time by the same child. He is not the only child @ the day care who is being bitten. Also, the aggressive child who does the biting is also kicking other children. When I talked to the staff they said there was nothing they could do. I believe this is a staffing issue. It has become such an issue that I have filed a report with Department of Social Services. What information can you give me? Where do I find this information?
i didn't read the whole thread - i'm only responding to this.

i have a degree in early childhood development so i know that biting is developmentally appropriate. i've also worked in daycares where children bit, and i've had my own children in daycare where they were bitten.

while i KNOW that biting is developmentally appropriate, my son was being bitten to the point that i threatened to pull him out of daycare. he had 2-3 incident reports EVERY day. it got to where he would cry when i dropped him off after the biting started. it was the same child every day who bit him, and only him.

while biting is normal, excessive biting and targeting a particular child is NOT normal! if your child is getting bitten on a regular basis (daily or more than once daily) then i reccomend doing what i did:

i told the director i was going to withdrawal my son. i told her she would lose a child either way, whether it be the biter or the victim - but i thought making the victim leave was unfair if it came down to that. she came up with a solution - since the biter was almost ready to move up to the 2 year old classroom, she offered to go ahead and move her a little early if i would stay. i agreed. when the girl got moved up, the biting stopped! all of the kids in her new classroom were older and she didn't dare bite them!

i would reccomend having a bottom line: either you move my child, the other child, or i'm leaving!

it WILL work!
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Old 04-20-2010, 07:47 PM
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I feel sorry for whoever uses your daycare. I have 3 boys the first 2 never bit but did get bitten-I did not like it but understood that it was part of their growing and learning process. It was resolved with time. Now my 3rd has just changed to a new daycare and has bitten 3 times. They have the same policy and said that one more time and he could not come back. Let me tell you this he is a good little boy and we just withdrew him and are going somewhere where the people are willing to help him and work with him/us to resolve this problem. He has never bitten before and it is a shame that he had a hard time adjusting and was just given up on. so you don't know every situation and each child is different. from someone who has been on both sides of this you should be ashamed of yourself. these are little children that need help and correction not to just be dismissed like a bad dog. They are all little children of god and he loves each one the same. Some just need more work. Good thing he doesn't give up on us so fast hu!!
No, the child who is causing injury to the rest of the group needs to go!! The safefty of the group is more important than the needs of one child.
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Old 04-20-2010, 07:55 PM
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i didn't read the whole thread - i'm only responding to this.

i have a degree in early childhood development so i know that biting is developmentally appropriate. i've also worked in daycares where children bit, and i've had my own children in daycare where they were bitten.

while i KNOW that biting is developmentally appropriate, my son was being bitten to the point that i threatened to pull him out of daycare. he had 2-3 incident reports EVERY day. it got to where he would cry when i dropped him off after the biting started. it was the same child every day who bit him, and only him.

while biting is normal, excessive biting and targeting a particular child is NOT normal! if your child is getting bitten on a regular basis (daily or more than once daily) then i reccomend doing what i did:

i told the director i was going to withdrawal my son. i told her she would lose a child either way, whether it be the biter or the victim - but i thought making the victim leave was unfair if it came down to that. she came up with a solution - since the biter was almost ready to move up to the 2 year old classroom, she offered to go ahead and move her a little early if i would stay. i agreed. when the girl got moved up, the biting stopped! all of the kids in her new classroom were older and she didn't dare bite them!

i would reccomend having a bottom line: either you move my child, the other child, or i'm leaving!

it WILL work!
I just did the same thing! But then what in 3 months when my son should move up? There is a biting problem in the 2 year old room and their policy is pretty much to just ride it out. I'm not ok with a child be given weeks to chew on other kids.
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Old 05-29-2010, 09:51 PM
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Angry Bites at Daycare

My son who just turned 3 this month goes to a good daycare I think but Friday he got biten the 2nd time by the same kid. Now this time was it was on the middle of his back and much worse then before.I'm talking black and blue now and teeth marks top and bottom with broken skin. I am very upset that this happened and I think the child should be removed because he does nothing but bully other kids. Am I wrong to tell the daycare that when He goes back tuesday? I just don't want it to happen again because I know I won't be nice the 3rd time around. My son said his back hurt and that the kid was mean and he didn't want to play with him. Why didn't they keep them apart?
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Old 06-13-2010, 02:33 PM
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Default to tell the truth

Alot of times if a child is biting that much is because the worker is not watching the children the are to busy talking to there friends instead of taking care of the children. That happened when my son was in daycare, he would come home almost everyday with a bit mark on him and they would stay almost two weeks. Come to find out they were being left alone with no teacher in there and my son is was only 12 months old.
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Old 06-29-2010, 01:22 PM
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Default sometimes the its not the biter who is the aggressive one

I've spent a lot of time watching my son interact with other children. (he is 18 months).

I have stopped him from biting 2 times total and he has bitten 1 time at DC.

He has an interesting temperment. He basically seems to have no fear of bigger children. If they try to take his toys or move him out of the way he almost never loses, no matter how big the other kid is. Smaller children he basically leaves alone, and he never goes out of his way to take things from others.

In all 3 biting incidents. It has been the case that he was provoked by a bigger child. The child he bit a day care previously scratched him across the face drawing blood. Both times they were in an altercation over a toy (my son had the toy and the other baby wanted it).

I havn't seen anyone say it yet, but I would bet that often its the child who was bitten that was the aggressor. I would think this is especially true if your child is the only one who is being bitten.

Last edited by Michael; 06-30-2010 at 12:27 AM.
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Old 06-30-2010, 07:27 AM
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Default Biting

It stinks, but it is a part of the daycare experience. I've been very lucky with the whole biting situation. I currently have no biters and I've only had biting incidents a total of 3 times in 6 years and none of them were major. I find that making sure that the kids know that I have my eyes on them is helpful. They think that I REALLY have eyes in the back of my head. It's funny when they look for them!
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Old 07-01-2010, 07:30 AM
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Unhappy Biting

Wow.... As a parent some of the things you where told by teachers anger me. As a teacher for 20 yrs. A Preschool Teacher at that! I have been biten , hit, etc. I just left a job due to the fact that the owners and management would not follow thru on procedures when it came to certian Children in our Center. I could no longer be a part of what was taking place. It is so unfair to the victim of the biter no matter what the reason... Your child should be safe from harm no matter what. I as a teacher was still limited as to what I could do from the classroom. I have opened my own Child Care Center. We have Zero tolerence for biters.... If you bit you must go home. If it continues the child is un-enrolled for our school. I have seen alot of things in the 20 yrs that I have been teaching and the only way to make things work and keep everyone safe is to make it known that you as parents have rights and that the kids above all have rights... I encourage you to stay on top of things when it comes to your child(ren). No Matter where they go to School. I have seen to many coners cut at the expense of our Children.
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Old 07-01-2010, 11:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Janet View Post
It stinks, but it is a part of the daycare experience. I've been very lucky with the whole biting situation. I currently have no biters and I've only had biting incidents a total of 3 times in 6 years and none of them were major. I find that making sure that the kids know that I have my eyes on them is helpful. They think that I REALLY have eyes in the back of my head. It's funny when they look for them!
Yep, biting stinks but it happens to the best of us!
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Old 07-28-2010, 06:49 PM
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Default Stay Awhile..... Before Judging

Not all biting incidents occur because a teacher or 'worker' is not watching the children. How do you know that all teachers are 'talking to their friends' when this occurs? Your statement is a generalized blanket, and could not be further from the truth.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Talena View Post
Alot of times if a child is biting that much is because the worker is not watching the children the are to busy talking to there friends instead of taking care of the children. That happened when my son was in daycare, he would come home almost everyday with a bit mark on him and they would stay almost two weeks. Come to find out they were being left alone with no teacher in there and my son is was only 12 months old.
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Old 07-29-2010, 10:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Not all biting incidents occur because a teacher or 'worker' is not watching the children. How do you know that all teachers are 'talking to their friends' when this occurs? Your statement is a generalized blanket, and could not be further from the truth.
Our biter here does it right in front of us. So fast that sometimes you can't get their name out and it's over.
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Old 08-12-2010, 07:11 AM
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I have read this entire thread, thank you for your thoughts. I come from a different perspective. I'm a lead teacher in a room with a child who bites. She is almost 18 months old and has been biting for 6 months now. She bites several times a day, some children getting bitten 3+ times in one day, let alone a week. Other parents are upset, obviously and rightfully so. We are staying at ratio (1 staff to 4 kids) and no matter how much we watch her, she still bites someone. Just the turn of a head is all it takes. She will do it just after nap time, just after eating, when standing next to someone, will walk across the room to find someone to bite, rarely is it over a toy (which is one we do understand), there is no real pattern to her behavior, other than her biting. We've tried the 'no' technique, time out, talking to her, keeping her away from other kids (but then she goes looking for a child to bite), we've given her her pacifier which did work but now she takes it out to bite a child-same with her 'blankie'. What else can a teacher honestly do? I can't watch just her, I have other children in the room as well. I don't want to isolate her, it's not fair for her either. Oh, another catch-the biggest catch of all...she's the director's daughter. Definitely open to ideas!!!

Well unfortunately...I am this mommy! I am the director of a child development center and my daughter is 18 months old and she is a biter! This post is obviously not about my daughter because of the date it was posted but as I ressearched online on how to deal with biting I fould this forum. I must tell you it is AWFUL to be the person in charge and having your daughter down the hall biting. She has more recently started biting in the last week or so. I hate to use the cliche..."she is teething" but you can see the swollen gums and her fingers in her mouth all the time. Here is a question for you all...how do I handle it? Do I let my teachers handle it? Do I go down and handle it? How do I teach her that she isn't the "queen bee?" She is fully aware that Mommy is "in charge" and has the ability to wander throughout the building before and after we are open. All of the staff know her and most of the parents..she is delightful entertaining child...but has a biting problem. I have a good relationship with my daughters teachers, personally and professionally. I have told them I am open for their suggestions and as a parent willing to do whatever. I am just waiting for the first parent to come with me witha concern about the biting...do I tell them it is my child? Do I express my condolenseces and frustration? Will they assume that it will continue because the staff won't discipline my child?
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Old 08-12-2010, 07:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Our son has been bitten 3 times in the last 3 weeks by the same little monster at his day care. We are working with the Director to remedy the situation, but I am pushing hard for this child to be expelled. This has been an ongoing problem with this child per one of the teachers and I think it's time to stop protecting the attacker and start trying to protect the victims. You parents of habitual biters who whine about how it's not fair that your little angel be kicked out for biting are selfish, egotistical walking nightmares in your own right. It's no wonder your little brat likes to attack others. There should be consequences for bad behavior at any age, including being removed from a situation where you are the problem.
Well I seriously hope that your children do not have any behavioral issues down the road. I question your ability to teach your own child forgiveness and understanding. You truly disgust me stereotyping a group of children you don't know as brats and better yet calling their parents selfish egoistical walking nightmares. Someone obvioulsy needs to teach you a thing or two about manners as well as child devleopment. It isn't always black and white...their are shades of gray in the world! Perhaps you should look at things a little differently...maybe this child has special needs...should they be punished for that? Should they be punished because their development is slower or different than your child's?

Not all children are angels and I'm guessing that your child has had their moments...has your child never hit? or pushed? or pinched? How would you feel as a parent if your child was the biter? How would you handle it? Would you want a classroom of parents ganging up on your for a behavior your child has only at school? Most parents of biters feel helpless...they want to know what they can do to remedy the issue. Perhaps when you grow up you will have the ability to look at things through someone elses perspective and realize each child is an individual and deserves a chance to be successful you may have a change of heart. I'm guessing your children will need that opportunity some day. And although you don't believe my biting bratty daughter deserves it.....I hope your children get that opportunity. They should not be punished for a parent who is so close-minded that they don't wish success for all children.
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Old 08-12-2010, 10:54 AM
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Well unfortunately...I am this mommy! I am the director of a child development center and my daughter is 18 months old and she is a biter! This post is obviously not about my daughter because of the date it was posted but as I ressearched online on how to deal with biting I fould this forum. I must tell you it is AWFUL to be the person in charge and having your daughter down the hall biting. She has more recently started biting in the last week or so. I hate to use the cliche..."she is teething" but you can see the swollen gums and her fingers in her mouth all the time. Here is a question for you all...how do I handle it? Do I let my teachers handle it? Do I go down and handle it? How do I teach her that she isn't the "queen bee?" She is fully aware that Mommy is "in charge" and has the ability to wander throughout the building before and after we are open. All of the staff know her and most of the parents..she is delightful entertaining child...but has a biting problem. I have a good relationship with my daughters teachers, personally and professionally. I have told them I am open for their suggestions and as a parent willing to do whatever. I am just waiting for the first parent to come with me witha concern about the biting...do I tell them it is my child? Do I express my condolenseces and frustration? Will they assume that it will continue because the staff won't discipline my child?
This is a tough problem to deal with, and hopefully you will find a solution sooner rather than later. I have had a home daycare for 15 years now and the thing that seems to be most effective for me is this: Immediately after the "bite", take the two children aside, and say something to the effect of "Sally, do you see how Johnny is crying? He is very upset because when you bite him, it really hurts! Do you see this mark on his arm? That's where you bit him and it really hurts! Can you make Johnny feel better?" Usually here the "biter" will give a hug or say sorry if they are verbal. This works best if you tackle the problem as soon as the biting starts, so I'm not sure how it will work for a little one who's been biting for awhile. And obviously it works better if the child who is bitten is upset and doesn't just take it in stride.

Good luck to you and your daughter.
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Old 08-27-2010, 11:48 AM
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Unhappy mom of a biter

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Well, this is my first post to the forums and I wish I didn't have to make it.

I am in a bit of a unique situation I think. My son (5) and daughter (16 months) are in a 5-star, NAEYC accredited learning center that is owned/run by the pharmaceutical company I work for. I DO have to pay for my children's care, but at a reduced rate since I am among the lowest paid employees of the company.

My daughter has become the repeated victim of biting. In the last 2-3 months she has been bitten 7 times. At least 3 of the bites were by the same child, although some of the other bites were from different children. I have spoken to the director of the daycare and she has confirmed that there are several children in the class who are in a biting stage. I understand that it could just as easily hae been my daughter biting other children and that there is very little that can be done to stop the biting, but it is still VERY frustrating. Each bite had left bruises and scrapes, although none of them, luckily, have broken the skin. In EVERY case the reports have stated that the bite was completely unprevoked. The director explained the centers policy to me which amounts to watching the biter when there are extra teachers to put in the room, which is seldom to never.

After the last incident, the center hired an outside counselor to come in for a "bag lunch workshop" for the parents to help them learn thing to do at home to try andchange the biters behavior patterns. The workshop was on Monday and I found out today that not a single parent of any of the biter children came to the workshop. being that this is a company owned daycare, every one of the parent/employees could have easily gotten off work for the workshop.

It seems to me that the parents of the biters don't care about my daughter (and other kids in the class) being bitten over and over again. The daycare is aparently going to do NOTHING else at this time.

Because of the discounted rate, and my wife and my work start times, I can't pull my kids out and put them in a different center, besides which I don't think that my children should have to leave.

Any thoughts/comments/advise would be appreciated.

Thanks
Just wanted to say sorry to all those kids that are getting bit..my son is 21 months old and didnt start biting til he got bit first...it started out that he was only biting this one little girl.. i felt so sorry for her. now he bites different children for different reasons..sometimes it is because they take his toys or are just simply in his space... there are times the daycare teachers say he does it for no reason what so ever... im not there to see what happens...he does not bite at home nor does he get bit at home... i have no idea what to do about it.. i dont know if the daycare just cant keep a close enough eye on the kids or what but i do know the rooms are not that big...so again im sorry for those babies and kids that get bit over and over...every day that he does bite i make him tell the child he is sorry and to give them a hug.. i explain before and after everyday that biting is a no no and it hurts and it is not a nice thing to do to your friends...again im sorry i just dont know what else to do at this age....
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Old 08-27-2010, 12:11 PM
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Default mother of a biter

my son is not quite two yet. he started biting after he was bit. We all have tried to stop this very awful bad habbit...he bite for all sorts of reasons and he bites for no reason at all. I do believe it is to get someones attention. It works for him. He gets put in time out. They call me and i come get him. I always make him apologize the the child he bites. And for those who say that it is bull when a parent states the child does not bite at home.. you have no idea what you are talking about. My child knows the punishment at home is more than a time out when they do something they are not suppose to...i am truely sorry for all those little children who are the victims that get bit over and over. my daycare has tried to do a positive reinforcement with my child..giving him treats and praise when he doesn't bite but it doesn't work everyday..only when they really stay on top of it...am i really soppose to punish him when we get home for something he has done 3,4,6, hours after he has done the biting?? i have takin him to the doctor and he says it just a phase to wait it out...ive researched biting in toddlers and done all the things they say so what am i, and parents with the same problem, soppose to do?? please anyone have any ideas? i guessing not for some toddlers they are just going to have to grow out of the stage.. my son has had a lot of ear problems and just got tubes put in. he has been behind in his speach.. so maybe that has something to with it.. i just dont know. i feel bad for all those kids but what to do????
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  #92  
Old 08-27-2010, 09:49 PM
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my daughter never bit anyone until a child started biting her at daycare. normally, when i'd pick her up from daycare, i'd pick her up, hug her, kiss her, talk to her, etc. the day i walked in and saw the incident report saying she bit someone, i didn't pick her up or hug her. i said something like, "you do NOT bite! i am not happy!" i made her walk to the car and i didn't hold her hand or talk to her AT ALL. normally, i'd carry her and talk. she bit one more time after that and i did the same exact thing. she never bit again.


there was a girl biting my son every single day, multiple times a day and i was MAD!! biting is normal, but biting the same child repeatedly for no reason is not nomal. he's very sweet natured and would never bite back or do anything. it got to where he cried when we got close to the daycare because he knew he was going to be chewed on all day. i was there when the mother of the child who was biting picked her up one day. she walked in, picked her daughter up, hugged her, kissed her, and was rubbing her head as she was saying, "why are you biting?" in a little baby voice. OBVIOUSLY, that approach was not working.

kids bite other kids their age - so just because they don't bite their parents or siblings at home is no indication whatsoever of what they do at daycare with peers.

anyhow, i think dealing with your child who bites depends on the dynamic between you and your child. what i did with my daughter worked like a charm because she hated that i was upset and i made it CLEAR that i was. it's not being mean - it's being stern. biting HURTS and they need to know that you are very unhappy when it happens.
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Old 09-02-2010, 07:04 PM
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My grandson 19 months old was biten 2 times in the butt. The boy took his shorts and diaper off to do this. The licenced sitter watchs 5 childern in her home, one being her own 4 yr. old. Whats so bad about this story is she says she don't know what happen. When my daughter pick him up she asked if her son ever takes his diaper off. He has 1 time when he was in his bed without shorts on. When my daughter changed his diaper she noticed it and called sitter who pretend that she didn't know anything happened and he didn't cry all day long. What I'm wanting to know is who to report this to. She doesn't need to be watching kids. This happened in Corydon, In. My grandson no longer goes there.
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Old 09-04-2010, 07:23 PM
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I am the Director of a DC where a complaint with Protective Services was filed against us because of a biter. A tot in our care has been bitten 4 times in the past 5 weeks, 2 of the bites coming from one child. The investigation led to interviews with her teachers and myself, viewing the incident reports and a home visit with both the victim and the biter's parents.

After being read the complaint by DCF, which according to the mother, was made by a friend of the child's family.(information received via mom's FB posts w/pictures ) I have just one question. If this is what she thinks and feels about the quality of care given to her child WHY IS SHE STILL INTRUSTING US WITH HER CHILD'S CARE??????
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Old 09-07-2010, 03:21 PM
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Default biting imo

I think states need to change the ratios, lower the amt of kids per teacher in centers.
Working in a center now I understand how fast it can happen.

Then if they did that rates would go up due to more staff needed to be paid. But that is another topic.
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Old 09-14-2010, 07:15 PM
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Default Tollder biting

I have been a toddler/preschool teacher for many years now. I want to let both the biters and the victims parents know that we spend our entire day with your children and care for them very much. We don't want to see the victims injured hurting or upset and we don't want to see the biters frustrated and upset. We are not in the childcare career for the money, although tuition for most centers is very high we do not get paid well at all. We choose this career because we love children and enjoy helping/watching them learn and grow. In an ideal classroom all of the children would be happy and gentle to their "friends" for the entire day. But in a realistic classroom there are 9 children in 9 different mindframes throught the day. One minute the children could be thoroughly enjoying singing the abc's and a second later 2 of the children may be crying one of the children may be trying to hit and or bite their friend and the others may still be sitting enjoying singing. We shadow the biters to the best of our ability however it only takes half a second for a biter to bite. We understand the frustrations from both the biters parents and the victims parents. Belive me, we feel for both of you!! The most important aspect of preventing biting is communication with the staff members in your childs center. It is also very important to remember that consistancy is EVERYTHING. If your childs center is using "sitting out time" and you are doing something different at home the child is not going to understand either consequence. It is also very important to remember to be patient, biting is NOT going to stop overnight. We all wish that it could be this way but it is an unrealistic expectation. We understand that you (both biters parents and victims parents) are very frustrated with this behavior and believe me we get frustrated sometimes as well. It is important not to show the child that you are frustrated, show them with words and facial expressions that you are "not happy" and "sad" that they are biting and HURTING their friends. To the victim we show comfort understanding and most importantly love! I hope that this has helped mostly with the parents who's children are in daycare centers to understand where we the care providers are coming from.
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Old 09-16-2010, 07:49 PM
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My 16 month daughter was bitten today and yesterday by the same child. I can understand the first time, and I can mostly understand the second time - giving the benefit of a doubt that it was a one time occurrence.

I've made it very clear that my expectation is that this does not happen to any child in that room again for a very long time. They are now aware that there is a problem and it is entirely possible to prevent it from here on, it's not convenient, but it's possible. If the only solution to the problem is an additional person following this child around the entire day, then do it. I will not accept this type of injury to my child because they want to maximize their profits.

Further, I was also told that they cannot legally divulge who the other child was. I researched the governing daycare laws for my state and could find no such requirement. I've requested that they specifically show me where this is written.

You are your child's advocate! Don't take anything you're told for granted and make sure your child is protected!
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Old 09-25-2010, 07:37 AM
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I'm a daycare asst in a toddler room and also a mom of 3. None of my children ever bit or were the victims of a biter. But none of my children went to daycare which I now know is a whole different situation.

To say that daycare workers aren't paying enough attention is simply untrue. The daycare I work at was fortunate for almost an entire year. Not one of our children were biters, but as our enrollment grew, it was bound to happen. A 2 yr old boy enrolled from another school and mom failed to tell us that her child tended to bite. And the first chance he got he bit. It happened right in front of my eyes and for no reason. I've read some posters blame dcworkers as being too underpayed & overworked to properly supervise in these situations. And I have to protest that this is false. As a dcw who has cared for these toddlers - you become quite attached to these children and are in fact their surrogate parent. You sometimes spend more time with them than their own parents do & sometimes these children will slip & call you mommy. When they are bit while in your care - it hurts them and hurts you. I was absolutely horrified and even more so because this bite looked bad. It broke skin, bled and swelled immediately. And I have to admit, that I couldn't help but feel some anger towards the offender. But we have been instructed that this is nothing new - and some children bite out of anxiety or stress. And this child was new.

We did everything we were supposed to do. We separated the biter - spoke sternly to the offender. He cried & truly looked upset over his actions. We coddled the victim & administered first aid, called both parents and wrote up a boo-boo report. Our policy (though never needed before) is 3 strikes & you're out. We have also been told that we should never give out names of the offender for legal reasons. To the parent who wonders if this is valid - you better get used to this. It's the same reason why minor-aged lawbreakers are never identified and this will happen time & time again as your child progresses through school. The law is not of our making - but we are forced to follow it. And sometimes it might be your own child who benefits from this rule.

And then it happened again - even though I tailed the biter like a shadow. He managed to bite the same child and without warning. We were all looking out the window at some large birds on our school lawn and like a cobra, this kid struck. This time not only was the child hurt, but I (being responsible for tailing this biter) felt horribly. I had been speaking to the intended victim at that precise moment - I watched her eyes get large & could see her pain. It was my job to protect her and believe me, I'd have taken that bite in her place if possible. I speak to her mother all the time - and we've become friends, so that just added to the stress. We followed the same procedures as before - and this time I made sure this biter was nowhere near the victim... ever. It was tiring & I couldn't let my guard down for a second. I always stood between them. But it happened again. But this time with another child & it happened when I had gone home. Unfortunately, being the 3rd strike, the biter was expelled. We are business after all and our administrator did this to protect the other children. I had gotten attached to this child too (the biter) and feel badly for everyone involved. I wish we could have bent the rules to let him stay, because I'm sure we could have stopped him eventually - but we couldn't do it at the expense of the other children. Dcworkers do care - we care for all involved - the parents, the biter, the victim. It has nothing to do with being underpayed.
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  #99  
Old 10-04-2010, 08:51 PM
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My daughter was recently bitten for the 8th time. When I sat down to chat with the owner/director, which I did in a calm and non-accusatory manner, she informed me of the steps the center was going to take to protect the children getting bit.

That same day, when I picked up my daughther, the owner/director had left a letter "requesting" that I find a new provider.

I feel terrible that I ever even exposed my daughter to this center, and I feel worse that I have to so quickly up-root her.

Any thoughts/suggestions?
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Old 10-05-2010, 06:27 AM
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It is possible that these 2 children are antagonizing one another and the center wants to protect itself legally. I have seen both the biter and victim guilty of aggressive behavior and both children asked to leave in centers before.
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