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  #1  
Old 05-17-2013, 08:02 AM
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Default DCM called out other DCM??? What to do

UGH.... I did something dumb and decided to throw it out to the parents to stay open on memorial day but they had to sign up by a certain date or you cant attend.

Most of my families are working professionals that have it off and then I have a few in the service industry that don't.

Well only one family signs up. Just so happens that this family works with one of my other families, who said that their company is closed that day.

Well at pick up yesterday, dcm calls out the other dcm saying why did you sign up for your child to come to care on Monday? We have it off..........

Uh oh.............So now those two are in a heated discussion at my front door. I stay out of it, and try to just get them to leave.

Normally I will say I will stay open if I have 3 or more families sign up, but did not say that this time.

So now what??? Should I still tell dcf that signed up that I am not going to open even though I did not set a limit of families needed to stay open??

THis is a family that always gives me a hard time, so everything is a battle when it does not go their way.....ugh

would you open for that one family or say sorry, we are going to close....
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:09 AM
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I would just tell them sorry but you didn't get enough families to sign up. If she gives you a hard time I would just put it back on her. You have the day off, don't you want to spend it with your family?

Personally I look forward to my holidays so much I would never work on one. The stretch between the Christmas holidays to this one is soooo long, I need the break
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:12 AM
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If you had not heard this arguement, would you have still been open for them?

If I offered to be open, I'd feel that I'd have to be open. Yes, I'd be resentful, but that would have been my own doing by offering to be open.

You could just flat out ask that family if they really need you since they were the only ones that signed up - I wouldn't bring up them not working though. Maybe they could make other arrangments.
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:12 AM
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I would just tell them sorry but you didn't get enough families to sign up. If she gives you a hard time I would just put it back on her. You have the day off, don't you want to spend it with your family?
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:15 AM
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I would close. It's a FEDERAL HOLIDAY and I close whether or not the parent is off.
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:18 AM
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I would be very resentful if I had to stay open for just one kid and that kid's family has the day off in her job!!!! So my answer is close and have a very honest conversation with the mother explaining - that you usually stay open only for a minimum of 3 kids, and although you forgot to mention that this time, you don't feel it's fair to stay open only for her child specially after knowing the mother will be off work. If she gets mad so be it!!!!

If I had a mother not a bit uncomfortable about making me work a holiday to only take care of her child while mother is not working.... I would not feel a bit uncomfortable either to let her know “I will not stay opens for only your child”!!!!
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:19 AM
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UGH.... I did something dumb and decided to throw it out to the parents to stay open on memorial day but they had to sign up by a certain date or you cant attend.
If this was the only requirement, then the family that signed on did as asked and I would personally just do as I had offered.

In the future though, I would make sure I stated that I would stay open ONLY if a minimum number of families signed on.

I think if you try and say you don't want to stay open now because there aren't enough families, I would (as a parent) be upset that you didn't say that from the beginning.

As for the argument the two DCM's had..... why is it any of the first DCM's business why the other DCM signed her kids up for a day there is no work?

Maybe the second DCM that signed up wants to take care of some other things not work related.

That was really rude of the DCM to confront the other one like she did.
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:19 AM
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close and in the future if you need to do something silly like that they MUST be required to work ( BOTH PARENTS)
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:29 AM
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If you had not heard this arguement, would you have still been open for them?

If I offered to be open, I'd feel that I'd have to be open. Yes, I'd be resentful, but that would have been my own doing by offering to be open.

You could just flat out ask that family if they really need you since they were the only ones that signed up - I wouldn't bring up them not working though. Maybe they could make other arrangments.
If I offered to be open, I'd feel that I'd have to be open. Yes, I'd be resentful, but that would have been my own doing by offering to be open.

this is how I feel....ugggh
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:29 AM
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UGH.... I did something dumb and decided to throw it out to the parents to stay open on memorial day but they had to sign up by a certain date or you cant attend.

Most of my families are working professionals that have it off and then I have a few in the service industry that don't.

Well only one family signs up. Just so happens that this family works with one of my other families, who said that their company is closed that day.

Well at pick up yesterday, dcm calls out the other dcm saying why did you sign up for your child to come to care on Monday? We have it off..........

Uh oh.............So now those two are in a heated discussion at my front door. I stay out of it, and try to just get them to leave.

Normally I will say I will stay open if I have 3 or more families sign up, but did not say that this time.

So now what??? Should I still tell dcf that signed up that I am not going to open even though I did not set a limit of families needed to stay open??

THis is a family that always gives me a hard time, so everything is a battle when it does not go their way.....ugh

would you open for that one family or say sorry, we are going to close....
I never ever stay open for statutory holidays - I am closed and paid for ALL OF THEM, even minor ones.

I do not close Christmas week - but I do close for Christmas eve, Christmas day, Boxing day and New Years day (all paid). Most of my families every year do take the entire week off - so I tell my families that I am only open on the "other" days of the Christmas week to parents who are actually going to work - I am not open to parents who need to prep for or clean up after the holidays, etc.

In the future, if you choose to stay open on a holiday or a day you normally wouldn't be open, I would specify and make very clear that the option is available STRICTLY for parents going to work.

In the current case, I would say to mom "Jane, I was giving the option to be open Monday for working parents only. I didn't specify this, but I assumed parents would understand that I wouldn't give one of my holidays up simply so a parent could spend their day without their own child. Because you are the only one who signed up and you're not going to work, I have decided to close and spend the day with my family instead. Thanks"
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:30 AM
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I don't know enough about the situation to say what I would do. Did DCM that signed up LIE TO YOU about having to work? If that were the case, I would simply term her and not worry about Memorial Day. I make it clear to parents that I am not going to tolerate being lied to: not about sick kids, days off, nothing. I am happy to take your child during your contracted hours whether you are at work, at the museum, or on the golf course. It doesn't matter to me if you play hooky. If you lie to me and I find out, you're out the door. To me, this business is about trust, and if we can't trust one another, it's over.

Right now, it's up to YOU whether you want to take this family on the holiday or not. Be honest with mom either way-just tell her that you didn't get enough families to sign up to make it worth it to you, or tell her that you've decided to take her child even though she doesn't work. In my opinion, the mom that signed up is stealing YOUR holiday from you by asking you to work on a day that she doesn't.
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:32 AM
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If this was the only requirement, then the family that signed on did as asked and I would personally just do as I had offered.

In the future though, I would make sure I stated that I would stay open ONLY if a minimum number of families signed on.

I think if you try and say you don't want to stay open now because there aren't enough families, I would (as a parent) be upset that you didn't say that from the beginning.

As for the argument the two DCM's had..... why is it any of the first DCM's business why the other DCM signed her kids up for a day there is no work?

Maybe the second DCM that signed up wants to take care of some other things not work related.

That was really rude of the DCM to confront the other one like she did.
Im pretty sure the mom that called her out did it, because she is tired of her always trying to take advantage of me. DCM that signed up is very verbal and I am sure they talk at work.

From what I can tell, they are fake friends.......lol

NOrmally, when I offer to open on any given holiday, I always state that there is a minimum.... THis time I just plum scott forgot
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:34 AM
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I think the question is what would you have done if you didn't hear the discussion?

It sounds like you offered it without strings attached so you'll have to stick with it.
Hopefully DCM feels bad that she's making you work when she is off. But I doubt she will, since you offered.

Just curious why you offer holidays? Do you not have paid holidays?
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:37 AM
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I don't know enough about the situation to say what I would do. Did DCM that signed up LIE TO YOU about having to work? If that were the case, I would simply term her and not worry about Memorial Day. I make it clear to parents that I am not going to tolerate being lied to: not about sick kids, days off, nothing. I am happy to take your child during your contracted hours whether you are at work, at the museum, or on the golf course. It doesn't matter to me if you play hooky. If you lie to me and I find out, you're out the door. To me, this business is about trust, and if we can't trust one another, it's over.

Right now, it's up to YOU whether you want to take this family on the holiday or not. Be honest with mom either way-just tell her that you didn't get enough families to sign up to make it worth it to you, or tell her that you've decided to take her child even though she doesn't work. In my opinion, the mom that signed up is stealing YOUR holiday from you by asking you to work on a day that she doesn't.
the mom that signed up did not say anything about what she is doing. She simply signed up her kids.

The funny part is that the ones that it was intended for that work in the service indy did not sign up and instead said please take the day off, I will send to grannies house...

I guess I should let this family know right now that we are not open.

As BC said, I don't care why they needed to sign up, she may need to run errands or have plans to go into work....

UGH I hate myself when I do stuff like this...

Why do I have to always worry so much.....lol
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:42 AM
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I think the question is what would you have done if you didn't hear the discussion?

It sounds like you offered it without strings attached so you'll have to stick with it.
Hopefully DCM feels bad that she's making you work when she is off. But I doubt she will, since you offered.

Just curious why you offer holidays? Do you not have paid holidays?
ok so why did I offer it....simple Im dumb...lol

I offered it because I will be closed the following Monday and I felt guilty about having to close so many days. I always work, so it seems and it was no big deal to me. I also did it trying to help those that work in the service indy to still be able to work. I know, it's not my problem, but it is what it is....... I need to stop caring so much about my families that are single moms or don't have holidays off...I guess because I have been there my heart hurts for them and I am a sucker


I do have paid holidays off.
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:45 AM
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If this was the only requirement, then the family that signed on did as asked and I would personally just do as I had offered.

In the future though, I would make sure I stated that I would stay open ONLY if a minimum number of families signed on.

I think if you try and say you don't want to stay open now because there aren't enough families, I would (as a parent) be upset that you didn't say that from the beginning.

As for the argument the two DCM's had..... why is it any of the first DCM's business why the other DCM signed her kids up for a day there is no work?

Maybe the second DCM that signed up wants to take care of some other things not work related.

That was really rude of the DCM to confront the other one like she did.
They work together and their children share the same daycare. I have a feeling that the confronting dcm knows/sees that the confronted dcm spends alot of time out of work NOT with her child.

Maybe that kind of thing doesn't sit well with confronting mom. I know it doesn't sit well with me. I hear all kinds of excuses all week long about why parents can't be with their kids while they're not at work (and if these parents didn't feel like they were doing something wrong, why are they trying so hard to explain themselves to me?) and I think the majority of it is garbage.

Even though I KNOW it's none of my business and that the other mom very well might have a valid excuse to have her child at daycare... I'm pretty sure if I was in the same situation, I'd have asked the other mom the same thing.
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:00 AM
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They work together and their children share the same daycare. I have a feeling that the confronting dcm knows/sees that the confronted dcm spends alot of time out of work NOT with her child.

Maybe that kind of thing doesn't sit well with confronting mom. I know it doesn't sit well with me. I hear all kinds of excuses all week long about why parents can't be with their kids while they're not at work (and if these parents didn't feel like they were doing something wrong, why are they trying so hard to explain themselves to me?) and I think the majority of it is garbage.

Even though I KNOW it's none of my business and that the other mom very well might have a valid excuse to have her child at daycare... I'm pretty sure if I was in the same situation, I'd have asked the other mom the same thing.
Oh, I hear you and definitely agree, I just find it terribly rude for a daycare parent to confront another daycare parent...even of they re co-workers.

If DCM #1 was in a position of authority over the other DCM at work, then she should discuss work related issues at work and not at daycare.

Also, if either DCM feels the other is taking advantage of the provider, that is still not her place to say.

Plus, provider already said she doesn't care if the parent is working or not so why the family signed on for that day or not is no one's business.

NOT wanting to spend time with your own child doesn't sit well with me but neither does one parent trying to tell another how to parent...kwim?

(I don't mean any of what I said snarky or rude... just putting my perspective out there.... LOL! In light of the forum mood lately, I feel I need to say that. )
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:00 AM
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the mom that signed up did not say anything about what she is doing. She simply signed up her kids.

The funny part is that the ones that it was intended for that work in the service indy did not sign up and instead said please take the day off, I will send to grannies house...

I guess I should let this family know right now that we are not open.

As BC said, I don't care why they needed to sign up, she may need to run errands or have plans to go into work....

UGH I hate myself when I do stuff like this...

Why do I have to always worry so much.....lol
If you said you were going to be open and did not have stipulations, you should be open. If you aren't, be up front with the parent and tell her why you're going back on what you said you would do.
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:05 AM
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They work together and their children share the same daycare. I have a feeling that the confronting dcm knows/sees that the confronted dcm spends alot of time out of work NOT with her child.

Maybe that kind of thing doesn't sit well with confronting mom. I know it doesn't sit well with me. I hear all kinds of excuses all week long about why parents can't be with their kids while they're not at work (and if these parents didn't feel like they were doing something wrong, why are they trying so hard to explain themselves to me?) and I think the majority of it is garbage.

Even though I KNOW it's none of my business and that the other mom very well might have a valid excuse to have her child at daycare... I'm pretty sure if I was in the same situation, I'd have asked the other mom the same thing.
I think you could be right....
One of the moms is always going to bat for me with the other mom, which should be my job. BUt I just try to stay out of it....
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:13 AM
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I have done something similar in the past BUT I put on the sign up sheet that there is a three family minimum, if they sign up but decide not to come at the last minute I still get paid, etc.
I know others will disagree, but IMO there is really no way to get out of what you offered to do without looking extremely unprofessional. I would consider it a lesson learned, and if you do a sign up sheet ever again make sure the terms are right on the sheet.
I also think that if you feel taken advantage of by the family who signed up for the day, then you need to find a way to deal with it. I would be mortified if one of my dc families felt they had to confront another family on my behalf.
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:15 AM
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I hear what you are saying...I do agree...I am going to have to suck it up. I don't expect the other family to go to bat for me. But I can't control what the other day care mom says to the other. I dont even talk about it to either of them.......

I try to keep out of their conversations the best that I can..
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:34 AM
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If you said you were going to be open and did not have stipulations, you should be open. If you aren't, be up front with the parent and tell her why you're going back on what you said you would do.


As far as the tiff between the parents, I'd stay out of it.
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:39 AM
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I would be closed. NOT WORTH IT!!!
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:43 AM
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I would let her know that because no other family signed up that you are not going to open. I also think that something else is going on and the mom got caught.
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:21 AM
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If this was the only requirement, then the family that signed on did as asked and I would personally just do as I had offered.

In the future though, I would make sure I stated that I would stay open ONLY if a minimum number of families signed on.

I think if you try and say you don't want to stay open now because there aren't enough families, I would (as a parent) be upset that you didn't say that from the beginning.

As for the argument the two DCM's had..... why is it any of the first DCM's business why the other DCM signed her kids up for a day there is no work?

Maybe the second DCM that signed up wants to take care of some other things not work related.

That was really rude of the DCM to confront the other one like she did.
I agree and would do the same thing. Is there any way you can make a fun day out of it? Go to the beach, or a fieldtrip or something? Something you wouldn't be able to do if you had more kids?
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:26 AM
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Oh, I hear you and definitely agree, I just find it terribly rude for a daycare parent to confront another daycare parent...even of they re co-workers.

If DCM #1 was in a position of authority over the other DCM at work, then she should discuss work related issues at work and not at daycare.

Also, if either DCM feels the other is taking advantage of the provider, that is still not her place to say.

Plus, provider already said she doesn't care if the parent is working or not so why the family signed on for that day or not is no one's business.

NOT wanting to spend time with your own child doesn't sit well with me but neither does one parent trying to tell another how to parent...kwim?

(I don't mean any of what I said snarky or rude... just putting my perspective out there.... LOL! In light of the forum mood lately, I feel I need to say that. )
Maybe it's the Aspie in me ... but when did we become so politically correct as a society that it stopped being okay to confront people about their BAD behavior? I'm not saying that rudely, I'm saying that as a general question. If we confronted bad behavior with more head on confrontational behavior then maybe it would stop! Maybe if more people told this Mom, "You aren't working, your kid shouldn't be in daycare he should be with you!" then maybe this kiddo would get more quality time with Mom.

I think confrontational people are sometimes beneficial. It helps people to see the bad choices they are making. I actually kind of think we need more of that in the society we live in now. Our society is just plain straight scary because no one wants to step on each other's toes or get in each other's business. I was actually reading about this in a brain research book that touched on bad parenting techniques. Very interesting!
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:27 AM
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I think you could be right....
One of the moms is always going to bat for me with the other mom, which should be my job. BUt I just try to stay out of it....
Some people just have that little personality trait and I actually don't see anything wrong with it! If the in your face DCM wants to "fight" the other DCM when she sees her making poor choices then so be it. I'd let her!
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:34 AM
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If this was the only requirement, then the family that signed on did as asked and I would personally just do as I had offered.

In the future though, I would make sure I stated that I would stay open ONLY if a minimum number of families signed on.

I think if you try and say you don't want to stay open now because there aren't enough families, I would (as a parent) be upset that you didn't say that from the beginning.

As for the argument the two DCM's had..... why is it any of the first DCM's business why the other DCM signed her kids up for a day there is no work?

Maybe the second DCM that signed up wants to take care of some other things not work related.

That was really rude of the DCM to confront the other one like she did.
I agree. If I offered to be open then open I am. You didnt say it was a requirement to work. You said sign up by a certain date. Dcm did her end. If it were me I would be open and learn from my mistake.

I agree on the other mom too. Wasn't her place. I get parent who have off and bring their kids all the time. I would be spending time with my family myself but obviously not all have the same view.
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:35 AM
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Maybe it's the Aspie in me ... but when did we become so politically correct as a society that it stopped being okay to confront people about their BAD behavior? I'm not saying that rudely, I'm saying that as a general question. If we confronted bad behavior with more head on confrontational behavior then maybe it would stop! Maybe if more people told this Mom, "You aren't working, your kid shouldn't be in daycare he should be with you!" then maybe this kiddo would get more quality time with Mom.

I think confrontational people are sometimes beneficial. It helps people to see the bad choices they are making. I actually kind of think we need more of that in the society we live in now. Our society is just plain straight scary because no one wants to step on each other's toes or get in each other's business. I was actually reading about this in a brain research book that touched on bad parenting techniques. Very interesting!
Exactly how I feel!
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:37 AM
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Maybe it's the Aspie in me ... but when did we become so politically correct as a society that it stopped being okay to confront people about their BAD behavior? I'm not saying that rudely, I'm saying that as a general question. If we confronted bad behavior with more head on confrontational behavior then maybe it would stop! Maybe if more people told this Mom, "You aren't working, your kid shouldn't be in daycare he should be with you!" then maybe this kiddo would get more quality time with Mom.

I think confrontational people are sometimes beneficial. It helps people to see the bad choices they are making. I actually kind of think we need more of that in the society we live in now. Our society is just plain straight scary because no one wants to step on each other's toes or get in each other's business. I was actually reading about this in a brain research book that touched on bad parenting techniques. Very interesting!
I don't think society should confront people with bad behaviors, but I do think there should be consequences for bad behaviors though.

Also in this particular instance, I don't think there was any bad behavior. Only opinions on parenting styles (I don't think it is "bad" behavior to have your child in care when you aren't working). OP even said that was not an issue for her.

Also as child care providers WE value time spent with our children but that same value may not be as high of a priority for ALL parents so I don't think that anyone should be able to rightfully confront anyone in regards to HOW they parent; especially if it doesn't effect that person directly and isn't behavior considered illegal....kwim?

Hope that makes sense.
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:38 AM
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Maybe it's the Aspie in me ... but when did we become so politically correct as a society that it stopped being okay to confront people about their BAD behavior? I'm not saying that rudely, I'm saying that as a general question. If we confronted bad behavior with more head on confrontational behavior then maybe it would stop! Maybe if more people told this Mom, "You aren't working, your kid shouldn't be in daycare he should be with you!" then maybe this kiddo would get more quality time with Mom.

I think confrontational people are sometimes beneficial. It helps people to see the bad choices they are making. I actually kind of think we need more of that in the society we live in now. Our society is just plain straight scary because no one wants to step on each other's toes or get in each other's business. I was actually reading about this in a brain research book that touched on bad parenting techniques. Very interesting!
lol I wish I had the nerve to confront people. I am soooooo not the kind that could do that.. I usually bite my tongue and grin
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:46 AM
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I noticed in a comment you wanted to help out those you thought would need it. Maybe next time talk only to those who need it about making an offer. I have done that. Closed but offered to a mom who had to work and had no family to help. We went on a picnic with him and my kids. But I wasn't open to the others and never mentioned it.
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:48 AM
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Oh, I hear you and definitely agree, I just find it terribly rude for a daycare parent to confront another daycare parent...even of they re co-workers.

If DCM #1 was in a position of authority over the other DCM at work, then she should discuss work related issues at work and not at daycare.

Also, if either DCM feels the other is taking advantage of the provider, that is still not her place to say.

Plus, provider already said she doesn't care if the parent is working or not so why the family signed on for that day or not is no one's business.

NOT wanting to spend time with your own child doesn't sit well with me but neither does one parent trying to tell another how to parent...kwim?

(I don't mean any of what I said snarky or rude... just putting my perspective out there.... LOL! In light of the forum mood lately, I feel I need to say that. )
I understand where you are coming from, and I know why you feel the way you feel... I'm even ok with that. LOL! I get into all kinds of arguments about what is or isn't my place - because I feel that it's always my place to speak up/question behavior when I feel something isn't right. I often come across as a rude b!tch... but that's not necessarily my intent. Though, I can be a very judgemental person and tend to jump to conclusions - sometimes I simply ask why someone is doing something and have them explain to me why they do what they do so that I have a better understanding/another perspective... to not be so judgemental!
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:48 AM
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UGH.... I did something dumb and decided to throw it out to the parents to stay open on memorial day but they had to sign up by a certain date or you cant attend.

Most of my families are working professionals that have it off and then I have a few in the service industry that don't.

Well only one family signs up. Just so happens that this family works with one of my other families, who said that their company is closed that day.

Well at pick up yesterday, dcm calls out the other dcm saying why did you sign up for your child to come to care on Monday? We have it off..........

Uh oh.............So now those two are in a heated discussion at my front door. I stay out of it, and try to just get them to leave.

Normally I will say I will stay open if I have 3 or more families sign up, but did not say that this time.

So now what??? Should I still tell dcf that signed up that I am not going to open even though I did not set a limit of families needed to stay open??

THis is a family that always gives me a hard time, so everything is a battle when it does not go their way.....ugh

would you open for that one family or say sorry, we are going to close....
I'm sorry..... We are going to be closed that day after all........Not enough families signed up to open.....
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:50 AM
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I don't think society should confront people with bad behaviors, but I do think there should be consequences for bad behaviors though.

Also in this particular instance, I don't think there was any bad behavior. Only opinions on parenting styles (I don't think it is "bad" behavior to have your child in care when you aren't working). OP even said that was not an issue for her.

Also as child care providers WE value time spent with our children but that same value may not be as high of a priority for ALL parents so I don't think that anyone should be able to rightfully confront anyone in regards to HOW they parent; especially if it doesn't effect that person directly and isn't behavior considered illegal....kwim?

Hope that makes sense.
That does make sense!

I think I am reading more into it than her just sending her child on this one particular day she isn't working. I don't think DCM would have confronted the other DCM had it been solely about that, although I suppose she could have!

I actually see the negative effects of parents not properly connecting to their children all the time with the daycare kids, with my adopted son (holy nightmare), and with parents of other adopted children who are working on THEIR attachment issues. I guess I don't handle being a bystander when I witness that very well and I certainly am judgemental about it. Certain things are very black and white to me when it comes to parenting. Abuse is bad parenting. Neglect is bad parenting. Lack of time with your child, when your child needs that for their development, is bad parenting. Etc. etc. etc.
I'm not saying that I'm an expert by any means, I'm just saying my little brain only sees these things in black and white with no grey area and I would be clapping inwardly if I witnessed someone constructively criticizing someone else in the hopes that they would be a better parent. That tends to be how I roll, though.
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:55 AM
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Maybe it's the Aspie in me ... but when did we become so politically correct as a society that it stopped being okay to confront people about their BAD behavior? I'm not saying that rudely, I'm saying that as a general question. If we confronted bad behavior with more head on confrontational behavior then maybe it would stop! Maybe if more people told this Mom, "You aren't working, your kid shouldn't be in daycare he should be with you!" then maybe this kiddo would get more quality time with Mom.

I think confrontational people are sometimes beneficial. It helps people to see the bad choices they are making. I actually kind of think we need more of that in the society we live in now. Our society is just plain straight scary because no one wants to step on each other's toes or get in each other's business. I was actually reading about this in a brain research book that touched on bad parenting techniques. Very interesting!
That's an interesting thought for a new thread. I hear what you are saying and it kind of reminds me of the way I was raised. People were not outright mean to each other but in each others business more...Neighborhood families watched out for each other and if you were a kid doing something wrong any one of them could get you in trouble or reprimand you. Family spent a lot of time with each other and they could all "yell" (for lack of a better word) at any of the kids for doing something wrong. As a kid I knew better than to do something wrong or I would get in big trouble. The saying "It takes a village" comes to mind. It's so much different now...
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:08 AM
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Maybe it's the Aspie in me ... but when did we become so politically correct as a society that it stopped being okay to confront people about their BAD behavior? I'm not saying that rudely, I'm saying that as a general question. If we confronted bad behavior with more head on confrontational behavior then maybe it would stop! Maybe if more people told this Mom, "You aren't working, your kid shouldn't be in daycare he should be with you!" then maybe this kiddo would get more quality time with Mom.

I think confrontational people are sometimes beneficial. It helps people to see the bad choices they are making. I actually kind of think we need more of that in the society we live in now. Our society is just plain straight scary because no one wants to step on each other's toes or get in each other's business. I was actually reading about this in a brain research book that touched on bad parenting techniques. Very interesting!
But we have NO idea why this mom needed or wanted to put the kid in dc for the day. Maybe there is a good reason for it. If I saw someone knock over an elderly person as they were trying to hurry by, you darn well better believe I would say something. But sending a child to day care on a day the parents is "off" work doesn't necessarily equal "bad" behavior on the parent's part.

If one of my clients felt that needed to "stand up" to another client for me, I would think that they felt I was incapable of being a professional thus necessitating the action. I would wonder what else they felt I was incapable of...

Bottom line, the provider offered the service and the parent took her up on it.
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:13 AM
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I don't know about you, but I work 11 hour days, 5 days a week. I'm open 6:30am to 5:30 PM... No way on Gods green earth am I staying open on a National holiday just because some of them might have to work. I feel that I am owed a holiday just like the 'regular working' person does.. If they have to work on a holiday, then they need to find back up.
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:19 AM
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I understand where you are coming from, and I know why you feel the way you feel... I'm even ok with that. LOL! I get into all kinds of arguments about what is or isn't my place - because I feel that it's always my place to speak up/question behavior when I feel something isn't right. I often come across as a rude b!tch... but that's not necessarily my intent. Though, I can be a very judgemental person and tend to jump to conclusions - sometimes I simply ask why someone is doing something and have them explain to me why they do what they do so that I have a better understanding/another perspective... to not be so judgemental!
I am the same way. But for some odd reason, NOT in a business sense.

In my personal life I am just like you described yourself. I get myself in hot water all the time for saying things (things that are often judgmental and not my place to say) simply because....well...I am opinionated and can't help myself sometimes.

But when it comes to business, I tend to operate on a more factual (verses emotional) basis. I can easily sort out the difference between fact and feeling and have no problem enforcing things in a black and white fashion. I think that has a lot to do with why I have a good backbone in this job.

It isn't that I don't feel for people in tough situations and such, it's just that when I wear my business hat, emotional connections and personal feelings don't get as strong of a voice as they do in my personal life.

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That does make sense!

I think I am reading more into it than her just sending her child on this one particular day she isn't working. I don't think DCM would have confronted the other DCM had it been solely about that, although I suppose she could have!

I actually see the negative effects of parents not properly connecting to their children all the time with the daycare kids, with my adopted son (holy nightmare), and with parents of other adopted children who are working on THEIR attachment issues. I guess I don't handle being a bystander when I witness that very well and I certainly am judgemental about it. Certain things are very black and white to me when it comes to parenting. Abuse is bad parenting. Neglect is bad parenting. Lack of time with your child, when your child needs that for their development, is bad parenting. Etc. etc. etc.
I'm not saying that I'm an expert by any means, I'm just saying my little brain only sees these things in black and white with no grey area and I would be clapping inwardly if I witnessed someone constructively criticizing someone else in the hopes that they would be a better parent. That tends to be how I roll, though.
I definitely agree that there are all sorts of negative things and big time fall out for kids who don't get that deep bonding connection with their parent and I too think it is VERY important for the emotional, social and mental well being of a child.

Buuut, you can't make a parent spend time with their child. If they don't understand, recognize or even value that theory (secure attachment) then you can't convince them of it.

Parents will ALWAYS parent in the way they wish to, no matter what we require for rules/policies in our handbooks. Parents will ALWAYS do what works best for them and will prioritize in the same manner.

Just like when we say we wish a parent would spend their day off with their child. Even if they did keep their child home with them, how do we know the child isn't sitting in front of the TV with a Sponge Bob marathon playing on Nick Jr while he munches on left over Easter candy he found stashed in his toybox while his mom is busy playing Farmville on Facebook...not even looking up to check on him.

We can value, promote and wish for secure emotional connections and quality face time between parents and children all we want but that doesn't mean it will actually happen.
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:26 AM
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I am the same way. But for some odd reason, NOT in a business sense.

In my personal life I am just like you described yourself. I get myself in hot water all the time for saying things (things that are often judgmental and not my place to say) simply because....well...I am opinionated and can't help myself sometimes.

But when it comes to business, I tend to operate on a more factual (verses emotional) basis. I can easily sort out the difference between fact and feeling and have no problem enforcing things in a black and white fashion. I think that has a lot to do with why I have a good backbone in this job.

It isn't that I don't feel for people in tough situations and such, it's just that when I wear my business hat, emotional connections and personal feelings don't get as strong of a voice as they do in my personal life.



I definitely agree that there are all sorts of negative things and big time fall out for kids who don't get that deep bonding connection with their parent and I too think it is VERY important for the emotional, social and mental well being of a child.

Buuut, you can't make a parent spend time with their child. If they don't understand, recognize or even value that theory (secure attachment) then you can't convince them of it.

Parents will ALWAYS parent in the way they wish to, no matter what we require for rules/policies in our handbooks. Parents will ALWAYS do what works best for them and will prioritize in the same manner.

Just like when we say we wish a parent would spend their day off with their child. Even if they did keep their child home with them, how do we know the child isn't sitting in front of the TV with a Sponge Bob marathon playing on Nick Jr while he munches on left over Easter candy he found stashed in his toybox while his mom is busy playing Farmville on Facebook...not even looking up to check on him.

We can value, promote and wish for secure emotional connections and quality face time between parents and children all we want but that doesn't mean it will actually happen.
Sad, but true! It's why I don't require a parent to be working to send their child here. 6/9 children that attend here (full-timers and part-timers) have SAHM's. From a business standpoint, income is income. I wouldn't reprimand a parent as a business owner for being, what I consider to be, a bad parent. But, I would greatly enjoy it if another parent did.

As for the child sitting in front of the TV with candy ... how do you know one of my DCBs so well??? Are you in here hanging out while Mom & DCB talk about how much "fun" he had to another child, who then tells them that those are bad choices LOL!?

I do value, promote, and wish for those things but I know they won't happen for the parents who don't value them. Actions speak louder than words with them and I can SEE what they value. But no one says anything in our society about it.
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:45 AM
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Blackcat: See, and it's partially because of you that I have become more emotionally detatched from my business and stopped questioning every little thing and even sometimes try to understand where my parents are coming from even though I would never ever behave the way many of them do.

The thing is, as a DC provider, I would not have said anything to the mothers in my entrance, other than to please discuss elsewhere. I would have simply spoke to the confronted mother later (the next morning) and said what I stated above in another post (that I would be closed afterall bc she is the only person who signed up and she's not going to work).

As the confronting mom, however... I still think I'd have done the same thing she did. Even though I agree, it usually does come off as very rude when someone questions something that is essentially non of anyone else's business!
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:50 AM
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Blackcat: See, and it's partially because of you that I have become more emotionally detatched from my business and stopped questioning every little thing and even sometimes try to understand where my parents are coming from even though I would never ever behave the way many of them do.
Gosh, I hope my influence hasn't been a bad thing (??)

...and just clarifying, you are now more detached emotionally and are more business like or you are now more understanding of a parent's perspective therefore less business like?

Just want to make sure where I am influencing folks

I would never behave as many of mine do either...that's why I am on this side of the relationship verses being the one to drop off my child for someone else to spend the day with.

(daycare~ sorry for the hi-jack )
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:52 AM
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Is there any reasoning with the mother as courtesy? "Jane you are the only parent who signed up which means I am opening on a holiday for 30$. Would you be willing to reconsider?"
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:56 AM
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Gosh, I hope my influence hasn't been a bad thing (??)

...and just clarifying, you are now more detached emotionally and are more business like or you are now more understanding of a parent's perspective therefore less business like?

Just want to make sure where I am influencing folks

I would never behave as many of mine do either...that's why I am on this side of the relationship verses being the one to drop off my child for someone else to spend the day with.

(daycare~ sorry for the hi-jack )
More business like. I still get right ripping mad at my parents sometimes but I don't let it affect my personal life as much anymore (ruining entire days, weekends, just my whole work atmosphere in general) and I try to be more understanding of parent's different situations before automatically assuming they are dumping their kid here for "me" time, etc.

I used to make alot of business decisions based on emotions, as opposed to facts - and now I'm trying not to do that so much
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:01 PM
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oh, or mention that as it is a holiday and she is the only parent needing care that in order to stay open you would need to charge minimum wage per hour in order to remain open.

Joking, in reality I would work it, and word it diferently in the future for sure.

Has she been with you long enough to know you have always required a minimum of 3 families before? You could maybe try an out with that, saying 'As always to remain open on holidays I require 3 families to show up, unfortunately this time there was not enough interest so I will be closed.'
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:03 PM
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Is there any reasoning with the mother as courtesy? "Jane you are the only parent who signed up which means I am opening on a holiday for 30$. Would you be willing to reconsider?"
This is what I thought as well. I would just tell the truth, that you normally require a minimum but you forgot to post that this time, and ask if she REALLY needs you. Hopefully she will have the sense to not push the issue now that you know she isn't working.
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:04 PM
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More business like. I still get right ripping mad at my parents sometimes but I don't let it affect my personal life as much anymore (ruining entire days, weekends, just my whole work atmosphere in general) and I try to be more understanding of parent's different situations before automatically assuming they are dumping their kid here for "me" time, etc.

I used to make alot of business decisions based on emotions, as opposed to facts - and now I'm trying not to do that so much
Oh ok gottcha! Just wanted to make sure I wasn't being a bad influence

I can do that too but....

Yes, when it comes to business I ONLY care Monday through Friday from 7 a.m. until 5 p.m.

ANY other time and I really don't care or even think about work. It is one of the ONLY methods of "self-protection" I use to ensure longevity in this business and to keep insanity at bay as long as possible.

I am so bad about it that if I happen to see a DCF in Target or somewhere during off hours, I will actually duck down another aisle so I don't run into them.
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:30 PM
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Im pretty sure the mom that called her out did it, because she is tired of her always trying to take advantage of me. DCM that signed up is very verbal and I am sure they talk at work.

From what I can tell, they are fake friends.......lol

NOrmally, when I offer to open on any given holiday, I always state that there is a minimum.... THis time I just plum scott forgot
Well, if this is a verbal rule you always TELL them, then I'd stick with it. Just tell her sorry, 3 families did not sign up so I will not be open. If she says but you didn't SAY it, apologize and say you thought it was understood cuz thats normally how it works.
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:39 PM
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I am so bad about it that if I happen to see a DCF in Target or somewhere during off hours, I will actually duck down another aisle so I don't run into them.


hahhhahahahah I thought that I was the only one that did this....

I actually sat in my car one for 30 minutes day beucase I saw a daycare family
go into the grocery store. I waited until they came out because I didnt want them to see me....
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:45 PM
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If you stay open, what about having a shortened day? Just an idea... although if they have ever been there for another holiday where you have told them there's a minimum, I'd just fall back on that- if they argue, apologize and state that it's always been the requirement to work on a contracted(?) holiday and you thought you had mentioned it this time as well. Be ready for a possibly upset DCF though Good luck with whatever you decide
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:51 PM
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I am so bad about it that if I happen to see a DCF in Target or somewhere during off hours, I will actually duck down another aisle so I don't run into them.


hahhhahahahah I thought that I was the only one that did this....

I actually sat in my car one for 30 minutes day beucase I saw a daycare family
go into the grocery store. I waited until they came out because I didnt want them to see me....
Nope, it's not just you

It isn't that I don't like them or anything, I just want to do business during business hours only. Daycare families ARE business to me.

I do have a few families I still keep in contact with that are no longer in my care but ONLY because they are no longer in my care.
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Old 05-17-2013, 01:07 PM
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Nope, it's not just you

It isn't that I don't like them or anything, I just want to do business during business hours only. Daycare families ARE business to me.

I do have a few families I still keep in contact with that are no longer in my care but ONLY because they are no longer in my care.
whats funny is that some of my clients now say.....I cant wait to NOT be your client anymore.....Why...because just like you I won't hang out with anyone until they are no longer my client.

I have gone camping with a few of my past clients that I have become good friends with......
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Old 05-17-2013, 01:43 PM
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So I emailed all of the families and said, since we only had one family sign up, we would not be open on Memorial Day.

I have not heard back....interested to see what happens.....
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Old 05-17-2013, 02:19 PM
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Is there any reasoning with the mother as courtesy? "Jane you are the only parent who signed up which means I am opening on a holiday for 30$. Would you be willing to reconsider?"
This! Except I wouldn't phrase it as question.
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Old 05-17-2013, 02:36 PM
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So I emailed all of the families and said, since we only had one family sign up, we would not be open on Memorial Day.

I have not heard back....interested to see what happens.....
Good Girl!!!!


and this backbone award goes tooooooo.....DAYCARE!!!!

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  #56  
Old 05-17-2013, 02:39 PM
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CoachingForQualityImprovement CoachingForQualityImprovement is offline
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I would have sucked it up and kept the child....even though I would resent it.

I would also talk to the DCM who called out the other one at daycare and thank her for her concern, but please refrain from creating controversy at daycare. If she MUST question the other Mom, please do it at work
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  #57  
Old 05-17-2013, 02:55 PM
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daycare daycare is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal View Post
I would have sucked it up and kept the child....even though I would resent it.

I would also talk to the DCM who called out the other one at daycare and thank her for her concern, but please refrain from creating controversy at daycare. If she MUST question the other Mom, please do it at work
all this stress for nothing..........lol

I got an email back saying no problem.

I did ask the DCM that confronted at my house to try to keep it professional..I could tell she was really embarrassed. I thanked her for being concerned for me, but It's my fault.

The other dcm has done some not so nice stuff to me in the past, but that was two years ago and I let it go. all though she can be very very difficult at times...

ugh so it all worked out
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  #58  
Old 05-17-2013, 09:32 PM
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Originally Posted by daycare View Post
all this stress for nothing..........lol

I got an email back saying no problem.

I did ask the DCM that confronted at my house to try to keep it professional..I could tell she was really embarrassed. I thanked her for being concerned for me, but It's my fault.

The other dcm has done some not so nice stuff to me in the past, but that was two years ago and I let it go. all though she can be very very difficult at times...

ugh so it all worked out
Awesome, glad to hear it all worked out for you!
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