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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Would You Take On This Family?
Unregistered 08:21 AM 09-02-2014
This is assuming that the interview goes well (big assumption, I know, but I don't want to waste anyone's time with an interview if I dont think I'm going to go through with it).

Also, I logged off for the family's privacy.

Family has two children. About two years ago, the father of one beat the father of the other. He is set to get out of jail Oct 1st. The mother has a Civil Protection Order.

She's a single mother and I hate the idea that it's so hard to find childcare so she can work. She has already had others pass due to the background with the one father.
But I also work out of my home, have children, and am pregnant.

Would this be too much for you? Why or why not?
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Blackcat31 08:30 AM 09-02-2014
If I had a copy of the protective order on site and a cordless phone so that I could call 911 if the other father showed up, I would not have an issue enrolling the family.

I've had similar situations in the past.

Have the correct and necessary paperwork on file and have a plan in place in case he does show up.

I would hope his stint in jail helped show him that HIS actions put him there and from now on, he is to be on his best behavior.

Its a sucky situation for the mother to be in but it appears she has done what she is suppose to do by having a protection order placed on him.

Bottom line, is it is up to you how well you think you could manage IF he did show up. Are the police close to you? Are your other DCKs big/old enough to act immediately if you tell them to go into another room? Are there neighbors close by you?

ALL of those things would factor into my decision to enroll or not.
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Jazminsdaycare 08:31 AM 09-02-2014
Why is she telling potential providers her private family information?
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Thriftylady 08:32 AM 09-02-2014
I may consider it, like BC said, I would want a proper plan in place and all the proper paperwork first.
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Shell 08:32 AM 09-02-2014
To be honest, yes, I would pass. If others have stayed away from this scenario, it might be more serious than you think. I am weary of letting drama into my house. It is your business, so you decide what you think is best for your family.
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Blackcat31 08:34 AM 09-02-2014
Originally Posted by Jazminsdaycare:
Why is she telling potential providers her private family information?
Because if a parent shows up and there is no paperwork on site saying other wise, the provider has to allow the parent to take the child.

It would be wise for DCM to make sure her provider knows and has this info.

This isn't something I would consider private family info if you are enrolling your child into care.

I mean, the provider can't go telling others about it but the parent has an obligation to tell the provider she places her child(ren) with.
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Unregistered 09:00 AM 09-02-2014
Thank you, Black Cat.
That's the reassurance I was hoping to find. She already said she would give me a copy of the CPO, as well as a picture of the man, just to be safe.
I think I will go ahead and set up an interview. With the exception of one little guy (and he might just follow the others), if I used my stern voice and told my others to go to a certain location, I am confident that they would.
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Unregistered 09:02 AM 09-02-2014
If I do enroll them, I will be talking with the local PD to find out what to expect from them (and what they would expect from me) if this guy does show up.
Thanks, again.
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Thriftylady 09:05 AM 09-02-2014
Originally Posted by Jazminsdaycare:
Why is she telling potential providers her private family information?
I agree with BlackCat on this one. It is the same as when I gave the school a copy of my protective order when my son was little and I was leaving my abusive ex. Otherwise, they would have let him leave the school with him and that could have ended really badly.
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Cradle2crayons 09:40 AM 09-02-2014
some things to think about also. Do you have the child of the father that's incarcerated in care? or the child of the victim?

If you have the child of the man who is incarcerated it could get sticky.

I wouldn't have an issue enrolling just be VERY sure her legal paperwork is in LEGAL order. Check the date on the CPO. Some states only issue them for a certain period of time. Check the EXACT terms on the CPO.
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Unregistered 09:59 AM 09-02-2014
I would have a child of both the man in jail and the victim.
She said the CPO is for 5 years, but I will verify the dates during the interview on Friday.
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Blackcat31 10:29 AM 09-02-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I would have a child of both the man in jail and the victim.
She said the CPO is for 5 years, but I will verify the dates during the interview on Friday.
Make sure the CPO includes contact with the child.

If the order is just for mom, that means he can't have contact with the mom but doesn't exclude his child.

Usually providers need to have specific paperwork detailing WHEN and WHERE the non-custodial parent can see or have access to the child.
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Cradle2crayons 11:12 AM 09-02-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I would have a child of both the man in jail and the victim.
She said the CPO is for 5 years, but I will verify the dates during the interview on Friday.
Yes, that was my concern also. Here, the CPO would only protect the VICTIM (the other kids dad). She couldn't get one unless she HERSELF was in danger.

Also, if the father didn't abuse or have a charge for anything he did to his OWN child, the CPO doesn't mean he can't have visitation with his son.

I'd ask the mom specifically about how visitation is going to work out when he gets out.

Generally just because he assaulted another adult, it doesn't negate his parental rights with his OWN child. So if that's the case, I'd be sure to get LEGAL documentation of what his visitation rights are and ask mom to address him coming to daycare to pick up with the judge at the same time.
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renodeb 11:46 AM 09-02-2014
Truthfully, I would probably Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!to many variables. Would love to know what happens though.
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Unregistered 02:06 PM 09-02-2014
There is a protection order for the mom and both children. She'll bring a copy to the interview.
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Jazminsdaycare 02:15 PM 09-02-2014
wow too scary,
for the protection of all the children in your care and for a safe stress free delivery of your baby I would pass on this one
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NightOwl 02:24 PM 09-02-2014
Be prepared for that protection order to change once he's released and wants to see his kid. Then he will be in your house to pick up. It may take a few months, but it will likely happen.

If you take them, I would INSIST that she not share the children's location. He doesn't need to know where his kid is if he can't see them anyway. And if you find out that she told him where you are located, term immediately.
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TwinKristi 02:45 PM 09-02-2014
I've had 2 families with similar issues, criminal & civil protective orders, no contact orders, domestic abuse, etc.

I keep all court orders on file and make sure the parents have updated emergency contacts and alternate pick up people that do NOT include said parent.
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SignMeUp 03:41 PM 09-02-2014
Personally, I would pass. Here's a situation close to me. Not the same, but a family (a nice family) whose personal lives had some big ups and downs during the years that I knew them.

I had a daycare family a few years ago. After I cared for the oldest child for 9 years, dcm remarried. Eventually they moved to a new neighborhood, and had a child.

While leaving their next daycare home after picking up the kids, new dad shot mom while in the car. She was hospitalized for six months and came home with a colostomy bag and a permanently disabled right arm and hand. She never worked again.
Both kids had so much blood on them that emergency responders initially believed he had shot all three.
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LovetheSun 06:24 PM 09-02-2014
It might sound uncaring but Probably wouldn't Drama is never good!

But I would meet the family and see how they are. Depending on the feelings would accept or not but I would be afraid to bring the drama at the daycare, imagine if dad shows up and argue there?

I have close friend who separated and the dad doesn't realize how badly he behave. They were almost kick off their old apartment and the dad would argue with the mom in front of the daycare (where everyone could hear). He wasn't aggressive to the point where the police was called but it does look bad and isn't good for the littles ones...

Maybe ask the mom to not share the daycare address?
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Checkinkids.com 06:48 PM 09-02-2014
It sounds tough, but I would pass. This kind of client may be better suited for a daycare center. Too much stress to have around a home daycare. We had issues with one family bringing (loud) drama into our house at pickup time. We almost lost other good clients because of it.
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Unregistered 03:31 AM 09-03-2014
I would take them ... they need to be in a loving environment and know they are safe!! In saying this .. I would have my phone programed ... and have a copy of the order and request that the fathers do not pick up the children!! Ask in advance who will be on her pick up list ... FYI I dislike the single mom excuse .. that's just me .. but am not going to go on and on on here! Just make sure you are protected as far as having a copy - check the dates as they do expire!!
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taylorw1210 04:48 AM 09-03-2014
I would take him with all the proper paperwork, which it sounds like she's more than willing to provide you. I had a little boy who was signed over to his biological aunt by his biological mother, while the father was in prison. The father was attempting to fight the custody issue while in prison. He was out for a bit but then arrested again, and during that time I made sure I had all the necessary paperwork readily available in case he found out where the boy spent his days.
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DaveA 05:19 AM 09-03-2014
I wouldn't pass on them, but you need to make sure that the Order of Protection is current and covers no contact with the children. I would say to set the "thanks but no thanks" bar lower than usual. If something seems off in the interview, you are allowed to put personal safety concerns over an enrollment.

If he's not allowed to have contact with the child, stress to the DCM that the father does NOT need to know where the children are in care.

Either way, I would talk to your local PD. Letting them know about the situation and the a home daycare in the area is information that they appreciate having in advance.

Good Luck.
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Jazminsdaycare 06:21 AM 09-03-2014
I am more concerned about your pregnancy than anything or anybody
I had a high risk pregnancy due to stress and almost died
This is not to scare you just something to ponder
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/n...oting/5582867/

This guy is a known felon and you don't want this families problems in your home
I took a child with the same type of custody situation
It wasn't that the parent was violent but the mom had smoked pot around the kid and had a protection order
and I never met her but every time a strange car pulled up I thought " is that her?" will she try to barge in here to take her daughter?
what will I do? is my phone on me to call 911? ( and I was pregnant)
This is something that you don't want to go through
Look out for the protection of your kids and especailly that little one in your tummy

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KiddieCahoots 06:40 AM 09-03-2014
I guess it would depend on how aggressive the father is.
I mean, he went to jail for beating the other father, not the mother, and not the child.
Sounds like it could be a jealousy issue with the ex and his child, mix that with male hormones, and oh boy!
Checking with your local PD sounds like a good start, if they're able to give you inside information.
I work with a lot children who have similar situations, some have had both parents issued restraining orders to keep away from the child.
I make sure all the paperwork is correct and current......haven't had a problem.
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tntsmom 07:01 AM 09-03-2014
You cannot discriminate, but you must protect yourself, business and other families in your care. It could do one of two things:
1. Create drama and safety issues in your care
Or
2. Nothing may happen and have a very grateful mom and you provide normalcy to their lives
A choice only you can make and it is similar to a sole custody agreement.

Good Luck on your interview and pray for them.
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mia 10:06 AM 09-03-2014
Originally Posted by renodeb:
Truthfully, I would probably Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!to many variables. Would love to know what happens though.


Sorry to say I'm with Renodeb..... to much unknowns..... for the safety of yourself, unborn child, Dck's etc.... I'd probably pass......

Good luck either way...
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Unregistered 10:59 AM 09-08-2014
The interview went really well. She seemed genuinely nice, not fake. The boys were very smart and well cared for.
I DID find out that the father in jail hurt at least his own son, and maybe the stepbrother. The boy has hearing loss from being hit.
The slight bright side I can find to that is that he will NOT be getting custody even if he does get out.
She's supposed to be bringing enrollment papers (including her specialty papers) Tuesday or Wednesday.
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Blackcat31 11:03 AM 09-08-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
The interview went really well. She seemed genuinely nice, not fake. The boys were very smart and well cared for.
I DID find out that the father in jail hurt at least his own son, and maybe the stepbrother. The boy has hearing loss from being hit.
The slight bright side I can find to that is that he will NOT be getting custody even if he does get out.
She's supposed to be bringing enrollment papers (including her specialty papers) Tuesday or Wednesday.
Thanks for the update!

Hoping all her paperwork is up to date and current.

Like I said before, I wouldn't hesitate to enroll if I had ALL the proper paperwork and had a plan in place for what to do if dad should show up.
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