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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Teaching Conflict Resolution
mamamanda 05:35 AM 03-18-2015
How do you teach kids to try to resolve their own conflicts first before involving you? I feel like every time I try it just ends with the more passive kid giving the more aggressive one what they want which after a few times ends in tears & more fighting. What specific steps do your give them to find a solution before you step in?
Leigh 06:58 AM 03-18-2015
We practice things like this often. When there is no conflict, I give kids simple scenarios and we talk about how to deal with it and practice it. They don't ALWAYS use these skills, but they sometimes do. When to intervene? BEFORE things get ugly! As soon as I see the slightest escalation, I try to get them to use their negotiating skills to work it out.
Unregistered 08:53 AM 03-18-2015
In child care we have the unique opportunity of having both kids' interest at heart. Often those ongoing conflicts arise when one child has a powerful personality and another child is meek by nature. It can be helpful to work on both "sides" of the problem.
For a child in a "too weak" position, I lead them through skill steps to help them empower themselves:
Stand up. Use a strong voice (this a sometimes a process - it is not their norm - be patient but use quiet reminders as you help them through the process - "use your strong voice", "strong voice"). Use the other child's name (this is a powerful tool.) Use polite, firm words to say what you want.
For a child in a "too strong" position:
Stop. Listen. Respond politely. (Help them find a few appropriate phrases that work in common situations - "In two minutes I will give you a turn", "Right now I want to play alone, but when we go outside I will play with you." )
It may seem tedious to have to lead them through this process, but the payoff is huge. They become increasingly skilled in resolving their own conflicts, and eventually will come to you to ask politely for help only if they get stuck
Another method that can be used with kids with close-to-equal skills, is to send them to a conflict resolution area to figure out a solution. They should not leave until they are ready to come to you with their solution.
This usually happens quickly. The conflict resolution area doesn't need to be anything special, except to be slightly apart from their play area. We use a kid sized sofa inside, and the bottom step outside.
HTH.
Again, once kids have done this process a few times, the need generally becomes infrequent.
For a child in a "too weak" position, I lead them through skill steps to help them empower themselves:
Stand up. Use a strong voice (this a sometimes a process - it is not their norm - be patient but use quiet reminders as you help them through the process - "use your strong voice", "strong voice"). Use the other child's name (this is a powerful tool.) Use polite, firm words to say what you want.
For a child in a "too strong" position:
Stop. Listen. Respond politely. (Help them find a few appropriate phrases that work in common situations - "In two minutes I will give you a turn", "Right now I want to play alone, but when we go outside I will play with you." )
It may seem tedious to have to lead them through this process, but the payoff is huge. They become increasingly skilled in resolving their own conflicts, and eventually will come to you to ask politely for help only if they get stuck
Another method that can be used with kids with close-to-equal skills, is to send them to a conflict resolution area to figure out a solution. They should not leave until they are ready to come to you with their solution.
This usually happens quickly. The conflict resolution area doesn't need to be anything special, except to be slightly apart from their play area. We use a kid sized sofa inside, and the bottom step outside.
HTH.
Again, once kids have done this process a few times, the need generally becomes infrequent.
Unregistered 09:25 AM 03-18-2015
A lot of times I just say 'Do you want dck to do that to you? ' Usually they say no and then go apologize. This is my 4 years olds
kendallina 02:19 PM 03-18-2015
If they're arguing over a toy (ie...so-and-so took that from me), then I teach them by getting down with them and letting each child talk. Sometimes I need to hold onto whatever they're fighting over. Whoever took it needs to give it back and then I encourage the child who took the toy to ask, "can I have a turn with that?". The child with the toy can choose to either give it up or say, "when I'm done with it". I also try to follow up and make sure that child gives that toy when they're done with it.
I start walking the kids through this process as soon as they start (they start here at 3 years old) and usually very quickly even the young ones can stop themselves before taking a toy and ask, "can I have a turn with that?" Also, most passive children will be able to say, "when I'm done with it"
I find that it helps if the children use their words with eachother versus me coming in and dictating what needs to happen. Even if I have to 'spoon feed' what they should say the first few times.
I start walking the kids through this process as soon as they start (they start here at 3 years old) and usually very quickly even the young ones can stop themselves before taking a toy and ask, "can I have a turn with that?" Also, most passive children will be able to say, "when I'm done with it"
I find that it helps if the children use their words with eachother versus me coming in and dictating what needs to happen. Even if I have to 'spoon feed' what they should say the first few times.
daycare 02:34 PM 03-18-2015
this is something that takes a lot of modeling from an adult and if you have older kids in your program.
My group is 18month to 5 years of age. My older kids are super role models for the younger ones.
I never give anyone in our group power. If a little takes toys away from a bigger child, I don't allow the bigger child to grab it back. I will step in and say
Susie, please give the doll back to Alice, Alice is playing with the doll.
(alice is crying) Susie, Alice is crying because you took the doll she was playing with, lets give it back and give Alice a hug and tell her sorry.
Direct susie to play with something else.
Honestly, I really do think that it takes a lot of practice, help and guidance from an adult.
when I have to resolve conflict, I remove the children from the scene of the crime...lol
I then let each person tell me their version of what happened. I affirm with the children what happened and try to state the problem. Oh you both want to use the same block, I see.
Well, what do you guys think we can do, let them come up with ideas. Again I affirm, yeah we can share or take turns or put it away or we can _______, those are all very great ideas.
Then we decide what we are going to do, so it sounds like you guys have decided to share the blocks playing together, I think that is a very smart idea, high five's all around.
make sure that they are doing what they agreed to do and be close by to check on them again when you need to.
now this works well with older kids, but you can do the same for younger kids by using the same kind of dialogue.
we can share the blocks, no, you don't want to share the blocks. OK well then Miss, N will put them up for a nap, let's go play ______________.
My group is 18month to 5 years of age. My older kids are super role models for the younger ones.
I never give anyone in our group power. If a little takes toys away from a bigger child, I don't allow the bigger child to grab it back. I will step in and say
Susie, please give the doll back to Alice, Alice is playing with the doll.
(alice is crying) Susie, Alice is crying because you took the doll she was playing with, lets give it back and give Alice a hug and tell her sorry.
Direct susie to play with something else.
Honestly, I really do think that it takes a lot of practice, help and guidance from an adult.
when I have to resolve conflict, I remove the children from the scene of the crime...lol
I then let each person tell me their version of what happened. I affirm with the children what happened and try to state the problem. Oh you both want to use the same block, I see.
Well, what do you guys think we can do, let them come up with ideas. Again I affirm, yeah we can share or take turns or put it away or we can _______, those are all very great ideas.
Then we decide what we are going to do, so it sounds like you guys have decided to share the blocks playing together, I think that is a very smart idea, high five's all around.
make sure that they are doing what they agreed to do and be close by to check on them again when you need to.
now this works well with older kids, but you can do the same for younger kids by using the same kind of dialogue.
we can share the blocks, no, you don't want to share the blocks. OK well then Miss, N will put them up for a nap, let's go play ______________.
Unregistered 05:03 PM 03-19-2015
I was taught to do the same as Daycare above. And it works well. 1. Each states their version and you restate the problem and agree on a problem, 2. Brainstorm ideas (if they don't know any ideas, you give ideas: could you take turns, or could we find another block so you both have one or...), 3. Agree on a plan, 4. Facilitate the plan, 5. Check back with them to see that its working.
Along with these steps, children are always taught to speak for themselves. If you see A. take a ball from B., you don't say, "A, give the ball back to B." You would wait to see if B says anything to A. If he doesn't, you would say, "B, you could tell A, " I'm using that!" Same thing if he tells you, "He took my ball!" You would say, "Go tell A, " give back my ball, I was using it". Then if the child doesn't give it back, you would go and start the steps.
Also if the 'victim' doesn't want to speak up, you would say, "Let's go talk to A." and take B by the hand and say, "A, B wants to tell you something" (if he doesn't say it, then show him what to say: "I was using that ball, give it back" ) ... Keep on teaching them how to talk to each other and they'll know what to say and how to work out disagreements... Eventually!
Along with these steps, children are always taught to speak for themselves. If you see A. take a ball from B., you don't say, "A, give the ball back to B." You would wait to see if B says anything to A. If he doesn't, you would say, "B, you could tell A, " I'm using that!" Same thing if he tells you, "He took my ball!" You would say, "Go tell A, " give back my ball, I was using it". Then if the child doesn't give it back, you would go and start the steps.
Also if the 'victim' doesn't want to speak up, you would say, "Let's go talk to A." and take B by the hand and say, "A, B wants to tell you something" (if he doesn't say it, then show him what to say: "I was using that ball, give it back" ) ... Keep on teaching them how to talk to each other and they'll know what to say and how to work out disagreements... Eventually!